Sailor Moon: Tacky Yellow No Name
                          - 6 -

     Less than an hour later, Darien, the five girls, Luna,
Artemis and the two ex-generals were sitting in Raye's temple
discussing the situation. Serena was hanging on to Darien's arm
like there was no tomorrow but since the "disappearance" of
Reeny, he seemed to be a lot more affectionate than he had been
of late.
     "So why is it that you want to join the scouts anyway?" Luna
asked. 
     "Yes," Ami piped up. "I would think that there would be
plenty of other things to occupy your time with. And judging from
how we've gotten along in the past....."
     "Well, you see," Zoisite began. "There are these thr-"  He
cut off quickly as Malachite elbowed him in the side.
     "Uh, what my partner is trying to say is that we've become
bored with mortal existence. We want to be able to use our powers
again and this time we want to be on the winning side." Malachite
grinned charmingly. He had been practising in front of the mirror
all night but he could finally pull it off.
     "Well, I guess if the girls agree then Luna and I have no
problem with it," Artemis put in for one of his few lines of the
fanfic.
     "But we still have a problem," Ami said.
     "That's right," Raye put in.  "Now that Reeny is gone we
have space for one more member.  Unfortunately there are two
people who want the job......."
     "Yeah," Serena said. "Which one of you is going to take her
place?" 
     "Well, personally I think *I* am the best qualified for
this job," Zoisite said, reaching for the locket sitting on the
table in front of Serena.
     "Uh, excuse me. *Who* is better qualified?," Malachite
asked, also making a grab for the locket. "I have way more
experience than you do."
     "But you taught me everything you know."
     "So what? I have better hair." 
     Zoisite's eyes began to vibrate ever so slightly. 
     "Oh no! I'm not going to fall for *that* again." 
     Suddenly Zoisite pointed past Malachite's shoulder. "Hey!
Isn't that Luke Perry?"
     "Where?" Malachite turned his head but refused to release
his grasp on the locket. 
     "MOON..." Zoisite shouted. 
     "Oh no you don't......PRISM!" 
     "POWER!" They shouted simultaneously. 
     BOOM!
     Instead of the sickeningly sweet transformation scene which
had occured when Reeny spoke those same words, there was an
explosion which rocked the entire temple. The scouts and Darien
dove for cover behind plants and low furniture, while outside
Chad could be heard yelling, "YYAAAAAHHHH!
EARRRRTTTHHHHHQUAAAAAAKKKKE!" in his rather singular,
stereotypical beach-bum accent. As the dust settled, the six of
them peeked out from behind their hiding places to see what was
left of Malachite and Zoisite.
     The latter was slumped by the side wall, shaking his head
and waiting for his vision to clear.  Malachite was sprawled on
the floor by the opposite wall, wondering what had just hit him.
He stood up slowly, rubbing his left shoulder where it had
slammed into the wall. The scouts just stared. Malachite
noticed them looking his way, as he stood up and brushed himself
off.
     "Don't worry....I'm okay." 
     The others remained silent, gaping at the silver-haired man.
     "What's wrong with you guys? I said I'm okay.....Say, isn't
it a little drafty in here?" 
     Zoisite, who was on his feet at this point, turned to see
what everyone else was staring at. "Hey, cute outfit,
Malachite.....but shouldn't you save it for...ummm, later?" 
     "What are you talking about, Zoisi-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Malachite looked down at himself only to find that the jeans and
shirt he had donned that morning had been replaced by a rather
small, hot-pink sailor fuku.  "What the hell is this?????"
     "Gee, I guess when you take Reeny's place you get the
costume too," Ami said, stifling a giggle. The other girls were
also, unsuccessfully, trying not to laugh. Malachite was hopping
around trying to find a way to remove the outfit from his person.
     "Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!" 
     The five scouts were rolling on the floor laughing at this
point, Darien was fumbling for his camera and even Zoisite, who
rather liked the ensemble, was beginning to snicker.
     "Isn't there a zipper on this stupid thing??? Zoisite...
...HELP!"  Malachite twisted this way and that, trying to find a
hook, a button, a snap....anything.
     "Oh, I don't know. The colour's nice but you really don't
have the legs for it......" 
     "Will you cut the sarcasm and get me out of this? Besides,
you're not looking so hot yourself!" 
     "Whaterya talkin' about? You're the one in the fuku!" 
     "Yeah, but at least my hairstyle's intact, Meatball-head!"
     Zoisite's hands flew to the top of his head where two
pom-poms and freakishly long pigtails had formed.  "Auugh! My
beautiful hair!"
     "Better yours than mine!"
     "What's that supposed to mean?"
     "That your hair looks better in pink than mine does!"
     "Someone get me a mirror! This can't be!"
     "Read it and weep, Zoi!" Malachite laughed.
     "This is incredible!," Ami cut in over the arguing of the
two ex-generals. 
     "Flamingo-head!"
     "Cross-dresser!" 
     "It never bothered you before!" 
     Ami raised her voice so that the other girls and Darien
could hear her. (Not that they were listening.....This was
too good to miss!)
     "It seems that when Zoisite and Malachite used the moon
locket at the same time, they each gained part of Chibi-Moon's
costume and powers."
     "Gee, I'm not sure who got the worst part of the
bargain...." Lita put in. 
     "I'd say *we* did." Serena said. 
     "What are you talking about, Serena?" Darien said over the
click of his camera shutter.  "I'll make a mint off of these
pictures. Do you realize how many people would give their left
arm for hentai stuff like this?"
     While Serena knocked Darien unconscious and proceeded to
open the back of his camera, the other girls pulled the two
ex-generals apart and tried to figure out how to get them back
into their normal wardrobes. Finally, due to the fact that the
scouts couldn't stop laughing, Zoisite and Malachite were placed
in separate rooms while they decided what was to be done with the
two of them.

****

     Litebrite trudged down the streets, carrying a container of
gas.  As convenient as gas stations were supposed to be, he had
walked around searching for one for over an hour. He stomped
dejectedly onwards.
     It wasn't fair. He wasn't the leader, he wasn't the smart
one, and he couldn't even talk for crying out loud. Litebrite
wondered if he should just give it up and become a street mime.
It had been his secret dream for years.  In the meanwhile, he was
stuck getting ordered around by Saabbite and Notoobrite, fetching
gas and doing manicures.
     His fingers flew absently over the board, spelling out
'REVENGE' in huge letters, covering the board.  He flicked the
board's switch on and off rapidly to make the word blink,
confusing a few passers-by and a cat. Yes, they would pay...
     A young man wearing a yellow shirt and carrying a huge
backpack stopped him.
     "Hey... can you tell me where Furinkan High is?" Litebrite
nodded.  He opened his mouth, then stopped.
     "C'mon! Can you tell me or not!" the guy hissed, getting
annoyed, "Spit it out!" 
     Litebrite waved his hands to indicate that the guy should 
cross the street. 
     "Huh? Why are you waving your arms around like that?" the
guy squinted.  
     Litebrite gestured frantically. The high school was right
there. He would just spell out, 'CROSS HERE', but he was loathe
to ruin his handiwork. Notoobrite had severely chastised him one
time for walking around with a picture of a duck on his board for
a week... well, it had been very well done.
     "I don't understand! OH, am I cursed to wander this country
forever!?  Just you wait, RANMA!" the guy shouted. Litebrite took
a step backwards in alarm.
     "Maybe I can help!" A young boy ran over.
     Litebrite nodded and repeated the gestures.
     "What's that, Flipper?" the boy said.
     Flipper? Litebrite scowled and tried again.
     "Quick! He says, there's people in trouble!" the boy yelled.
     Litebrite snarled and pointed across the street again.
     "It's at the pier! People are dying! We have to hurry!
Thanks, Flipper!" The boy ran off. The first guy wandered away.
Litebrite stomped up and down in fury.

****

     Tuxedo Mask looked around. Misty, palace, princess. The
Dream again! He cursed inwardly.
     "What do you want NOW Serena?" he bellowed up to the figure
on the balcony.
     "I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed the
Haaaaaaaaaaagen-Daaaaaaaaaaaas," she whispered eerily.
     "Look, that stuff's expensive!" Tuxedo Mask replied.
     "It is your desssssssssssssssssssssstinyyyyy..." the voice
tried.
     "To buy you ice cream." Tux stated flatly.
     "Preciselyyyyyyyyy............," the voice continued,
"Blueberrrrrrry would be niiiice, but reeeeememberrrrr, chocolate
fudge swiiiiiiiiiiiirl!"  She faded from view. Tuxedo Mask
snarled and made an obscene gesture at the balcony.
     "I saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!" The
voice hissed, "Just for that.............. I want a pretty
goldfish, too, too!"

****

     Notoobrite and Saabbite sat in the car. Saabbite twiddled
his thumbs and Notoobrite hummed the theme song to Spiderman
incessantly.
     "This sucks. There we were, waiting for Malachite to lead us
to Zoisite, and then we run out of gas. That lowlife peon,
Litebrite!"
     "He's handy enough. And he does do awesome manicures,"
Notoobrite admired her nails.  
     "And how!" Saabbite also looked at his nails.
     "Finally!" said Notoobrite as Litebrite appeared with the
gasoline.

****

     "I have to go to the pet store now," Darien said groggily. 
     "Why?" Serena asked, innocently enough.
     "I'm sorry, I can't let you stand in the way of my quest. We
can't see each other any more." He ducked. Sure enough, Lita's
fist went sailing right where his head would have been.
     Darien scrambled to his feet and jumped out the window.     
     "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAH! Not *again*!" Serena bawled.
     "Let's get him!" Lita growled as she leapt out the window
after him.  Raye followed, then Serena, then Ami.  Mina struck a
dramatic pose before she ran off, too.

****

     Meanwhile, Malachite and Zoisite wandered out of their
separate rooms, normally attired again.
     "It wore off!" Zoisite sighed.
     "I do NOT want to go through that again. You can have that
silly brooch," Malachite said. Zoisite looked at him.
     "SPANDEX!?" he shrieked.
     Malachite blushed. "Well, I wanted to look like a hero.. and
Chad's exercise stuff was in the closet.... Super heroes wear
spandex. Everyone knows that. HEY. I'm talking here. Look at my
FACE, would you?"
     "Hmmmmm?" Zoisite still hadn't looked up. Malachite swatted
him upside the head. Zoisite snapped his gaze up.
     "Hey, where'd they all go?" Malachite mumbled, perplexed.

****

     Darien went up to the counter at Petorama and rang the bell.
He was greeted with a little shriek.  Puzzled, Darien peered over
the counter top.
     A little man with a cheery blue vest on popped up,
grimacing. After a moment, Darien realized the man was trying to
smile.
     "HI!" yelled the man.
     "Um, hi... I'd like to get a fish please," Darien said.
     "A fish! You want a fish! Well isn't that nice! That's
great! That's all, right? You won't hurt me?" The guy had an
apprehensive look.
     "No, no I won't hurt you...," Darien said slowly.
     "Hee heee, don't mind me, my psychiatrist says it's good to
laugh, hee hee hee!" The man trotted off down the aisles to the
fish section.
     "Any fish in particular, hee hee!?" he yelled.
     "A, um, pretty one---OOOOF!" 
     "We've got you now, you lout!" Lita yelled from atop Darien.
She had tackled him and now he was sprawled on the floor.
     "AAAAAIEEE!" shrieked the little pet store guy.
     "You loser! What were you talking about, your QUEST!?"
Serena yelled.
     
****

     "Hey! There they are!" Malachite shouted to Zoisite as they
ran along the streets (Malachite drawing quite a few stares along
the way, as well as forcing many a mother to clamp her hands over
her child's eyes).
     "To the pet store!" Zoisite panted.

****

     Notoobrite swerved into the curb as Litebrite suddenly
grabbed her arm and shook it.
     "What is it, Flipper? You want a fish?" Saabbite snickered.
Litebrite levelled him a stony glare, then gestured to the shop
across the street.  Petorama.  They just managed to see
Malachite's cape flutter out of view as their arch-enemy entered
the store.
     "HAHAAHAHA!" Notoobrite laughed maniacally.
     "We've got them now!" Saabbite cackled. Litebrite nodded
with great enthusiasm.

****
     
     "EDDIE!" Malachite bellowed.
     Eddie, the ever nervous, cowered behind the counter again.
     "Don't hurt meeeeeeee!" he screamed.
     "I'm sorry, Meatball-head. I don't know what got into me,"
Darien said softly. Raye noticed something shining on the floor
by her feet. Glancing about surreptitiously, she slipped it into
a pocket.
     "Oh, Darien! I thought I'd lost you yet another time!"
Serena squealed.
     "We've got you now, Malachite and Zoisite! Prepare to DIE!"
The three figures in the doorway struck dramatic, fear-inspiring
poses.
     "HAH! You ARE evil!" Ami yelled.
     "You fight us, you fight them, too!" Zoisite motioned
towards the girls and Darien.
     "What, schoolgirls?" Notoobrite snorted.
     "No, five schoolgirls... and look, look, the blonde one has
the same freakish hairdo as-"
     "Oh no! It's them!"  Saabbite, in a one-in-a-billion flash
of inspiration, suddenly realized that the schoolgirls looked
*exactly* like the Sailor Scouts!
     "OMIGAWD!" Lita yelled, staring at Malachite, "He's-"
     "NO COMPARISONS TO YOUR OLD BOYFRIEND, PLEASE!" Raye swatted
her on the back of her head.
     Litebrite suddenly started sneezing violently. He hunched
over, body wracked with the force of each huge sneeze.
     "Eeeww..." Mina said.
     "Can we, um, take this out of the pet store, please?"
Saabbite asked politely.
     "Why should we?" Zoisite demanded.
     "I MIGHT GET HURT!" Eddie squealed from behind the counter,
"I DON'T WANNA GET HURT!"
     "That's hardly incentive!" Lita glowered.
     "We, uh, we always let you finish your speeches before we
attack, speaking sort of generally for the Negaverse," Notoobrite
said.
     "That is true..." Serena muttered.
     "Payback time." Saabbite made puppy dog eyes at her. 
     "Very well," she agreed. They all trotted outside into the
deserted alleyway, the girls transforming (Zoisite, too).
     In the meantime, during the lengthy transformation
sequences, the trio of villains snuck away quickly.
     "I am Sailor Moon, champion of- Bloody?! Where'd they go?"
     "They scampered off!"
     "They ran away!"
     "They chickened out!"
     "I never did!"
     "What?" The girls turned to face a man. He was wearing
armour and his shield had a rooster on it, indicating he was some
sort of knight.
     "I, uh.. 'bye!" he scampered away. A trio of minstrels
followed him.  They watched in astonishment as the noise
dwindled.
     "Bravely ran away away"
     "I didn't!"
     "When danger reared its ugly head,
     He bravely turned his tail and fled"
     "No!"
     "Yes Brave Sir Robin turned about"
     "I didn't!"
     "And gallantly he chickened out
     Bravely taking to his feet"
     "I never did!"
     "He beat a very brave retreat"
     "Oh, lie!"
     "Bravest of the brave Sir Robin"
     "I never!"
     .....
     "Oh, for cryin' out loud, this fanfic steals everything."
Sailor Mercury muttered.
     "Yeah, I know, all the Monty Python references, Star Wars,
Time Bandits, and that Ranma thing earlier with Ryoga, and now
Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail... someone's gonna get
slapped with a lawsuit, mark my words!" Sailor Mars said.
     "I guess that means the fight's over then?" Jupiter was
disappointed.
     "No one told *them* that, look!" Sailor Chibi-Moon (aka
Zoisite) raised an arm to point to the rooftop.
     "Pets are loyal companions in a human's life, they should
not be endangered. I, Tuxedo Mask, will not allow it!"
     They all turned and gasped with unison the Rockettes might
have envied, as this is the way in anime (the author pauses to
say this out loud and snicker at the awful rhyming).  On a
rooftop opposite Tuxedo Mask stood another figure.
     "The glare! The glare!" Sailor Moon shrieked as she covered
her eyes.  The other figure was clad in a blindingly white tuxedo
outfit, exactly like Tuxedo Mask's, but minus the top hat. His
mask was pale blue.  White hair with green tints flowed to just
past his shoulders.  Malachite laughed and flourished his beloved
cape.
     "No more spandex?" Sailor Chibi-Moon whined.
     "I enjoyed the close-fitting comfort, but the cape goes
better with this, don't you think?"
     "Hey! What's the big idea! You stole my unique heroic
personae!" Tuxedo Mask yelled.
     "Too bad, so sad. I have better hair anyway, especially
since I don't have hat-head to contend with! You must always look
carefully in both directions before attempting to cross the
street! I am, Tuxedo Malachite!"
     Tuxedo Mask growled and leapt onto a nearby narrow tree
branch.
     "It is imperative that you believe in yourselves and each
other! Plus never run with scissors!" he spouted.
     "HA!" Tuxedo Malachite leapt onto a lamp post. "Brushing in
gentle circular motions removes the most plaque and is better for
your gums!"
     Tuxedo Mask quickly leapt onto a flagpole. "Wolverines are
not for petting!"
     Tuxedo Malachite cackled with glee as he leapt. "When the
sign says, DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS, please do n-AUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUGH!" Tuxedo Malachite screeched. 
     "Impaled your foot on the weathervane, eh? Amateur!" Tuxedo
Mask actually giggled as he landed. Tuxedo Malachite also landed,
but not nearly as gracefully, because he fell.
     "Well, that certainly obeyed the laws of physics!" Sailor
Mercury giggled.  Everyone gave her a funny look.

****

     Notoobrite swore as she drove.
     "They actually joined the Scouts? WHY? HOW?"
     Saabbite grimaced. "I don't know, but I never want to see
Zoisite in a fuku again!" he shivered.
     Litebrite tugged on Saabbite's arm.
     "What is it?"
     Litebrite held up a skinny man who was giggling nervously by
the scruff of the neck.
     "Bloody!? Who are YOU?"
     "I'm Eddie.... and I don't like Malcolm! I know you want to
get him and his girlfriend-"  
     "Who's actually a boy-" Notoobrite added.
     "And I do, too! I want to join the Negaverse!" Eddie crowed.
     Litebrite grinned. Finally, a lackey who was even more
pathetic than him. Life was good.

****

     "Ouch! Ouchouchouch!" Tuxedo Malachite swore as he hopped
through the door of the pet store, leaning on Sailor Chibi-Moon's
(Zoisite's) shoulder.  Tuxedo Mask snickered.
     Chibi-Moon frowned.  "This is waaaay too confusing.  From
now on, I shall be the Sailor Formerly Known As Chibi-Moon!"
     The Scouts groaned.  
     "How 'bout we just call you Sailor Zoisite?" suggested
Jupiter.
     The Sailor Formerly Known As Chibi-Moon considered it. 
"Well...OK!"  Sailor Zoisite grinned charmingly, flipping one
curly pink pigtail back over his shoulder.
     Mercury moaned, covering her eyes.  "In the interest of good
taste everywhere, may I suggest that we all transform back?"
     Sailor Zoisite coughed.  "Um...may I ask how?"
     "Oh.  Since you're not some weird half-Scout now, you
shouldn't have any problems.  Just..." Mercury leaned forward,
whispering in Sailor Zoisite's ear.
     "Ooooh!"
     The Scouts transformed back as the two Tuxes faded back to
their original clothing.
     "Ack!" Serena flinched.  "The spandex! I forgot!"
     Malachite snarled and hopped over to heave himself up on the
countertop, dripping a splattered trail of blood on the floor.
     "Hey, how'd you manage that Tux transformation, anyway?"
asked Ami curiously, deliberately staring at the wall, and
anything else that wasn't Malachite.
     "Anything he can do, I can do!" 
     Darien just smirked and jumped from one foot to the other a
few times.  "How 'bout this?"
     "Shut up!"
     Zoisite sighed.  "Come on, cuddlebunny.  Let's get you to
the emergency room."
     Lita gagged.
     Darien stared at the tanks full of fish.  Hadn't there been
something he'd been supposed to do?  Frowning, he scratched at
his head; he gasped as his finger encountered the tiny hole.
     "OK," he snarled, "Who did it??"
     "What, Muffin?"  Serena looked confused.
     "Someone's got one of my screws!"
     "If you ask me, he's missing more than just one..." muttered
Malachite, nursing his foot with a pained expression.
     "I heard that!" barked Darien angrily.  "Who's got it? 'Fess
up!  You *know* those things cost a bundle, and the hardware
store's all the way across town!"
     A spark flew from his hair; one of his arms seized up for an
instant.  "Argh! I need it back!"
     With a sigh, Raye sidled over to Serena and passed her the
tiny screw.  "Here....I figured he wouldn't notice, and it looked
like you two were back together again..."
     Serena smiled half-heartedly.  "Thanks for the thought,
Raye."  Stooping down, she pretended to pick up the screw.  "Oh
gee, look," she said woodenly.  "I found it."
     "Give it here!"  Grabbing the screw, Darien stuffed it back
into his head and sighed with relief as his hair stopped smoking.
Returning memory hit him - the fish!
     Grabbing up a net, he ran to the tank where the prettiest
little goldfish he'd ever seen had been swimming earlier.
     It floated, dead, at the top of the tank.
     "GLEEP!!!!"  
     "Oh, are you looking for a fish?" asked Mina, happy to get a
line.  "They all floated to the top as soon as Malachite walked
in wearing that spandex getup!"
     "HEY!" Malachite pouted.  
     "What? It's TRUE!"
     "ARGH!" Darien bashed his head against the wall a couple of
times.  "FAILED! AGAIN!  I'm going to GET YOU, Malachite!"
     Turning, he approached Serena, who eyed him suspiciously.
     "I'm sorry, Serena, but -"
     "DarienIcan'tseeyouanymore!" interrupted Serena.
     There were gasps from all around; Ami grasped at the doorway
for support.  Even Zoisite and Malachite looked shocked.
     Lita frowned.  "Funny...I can see him just fine!"
     Raye smacked her.
     Darien blinked.  "W-what?"
     Serena pouted.  "You heard me!  I'm dumping you - just
*once*, I wanna be the one who does it!"
     Blink. Blink.  "Dumping....me?"
     Quickly, before Serena could falter, Lita stepped in front
of her friend.  "Yeah! So get lost, pinball-head!"
     "Hey!" said Serena indignantly, "you can't say that to my
Da-mmmph!" She was quickly muzzled by Raye.
      "Oh..." said Darien, dazed.  Turning, he wandered out the
door.  "Um...OK....see ya..."
     No sooner was he out of sight than...."WAAAAHH!!!!!" 
Serena's mouth, suddenly grown to six times its usual size, split
the leather straps of the muzzle (you thought maybe it was a
figure of speech?) effortlessly.  "MAMO-CH....I mean, DARIEN!!!"
     "Hey," comforted Lita, "at least you got to do the dumping
this time!  And you'll still be back together before dinnertime,
probably."
     "WAAAAHHH!!!"
     Ami, accustomed to Serena's ear-shattering crying jags,
turned to Zoisite and Malachite.  "Say - what did those three
want with you, anyway?" she asked suspiciously.  "What's going on
here?"
     Zoisite blanched.  "Um...er....I can't hear you!," he lied,
shouting above the sound of Serena's wails.       
     "Ooooh! Ooooow!" moaned Malachite suddenly, grasping at his
foot.  "Zoisite, I have to get to the emergency room!"
     "Er...yes! Yes...must leave now, so sorry, talk to you
later!" 
     "WAAAAAAAH!!!"
     "You're staying right here 'till I get some answers!" stated
Ami suspiciously.
     "Look," yelled Malachite, "get back, or I'll bleed on you!"
     "Eeeeeek!"  
     As Ami flinched back, the two made their hopping, lopsided
way out the door.
     "OUCH Ouch Ouch ouch ouch ou..." Malachite's voice faded in
the distance.
     "WAAAAAAH!!!"
     Mina, who had been watching the exchange, frowned.  "Hey,
Ami - don't you want to be a doctor?"
     Ami shrugged and scuffed her toe on the floor.
"Yes...well..."
     Raye sighed.  "You're pathetic."
     
****

     Saabbite sat in his Laz-E-Boy and thought foul thoughts.
     "Those Scouts are really getting to be a pain!" complained
Notoobrite from her position on the couch.  "Now that Malachite
and Zoisite aren't Type D anymore, they've got full use of their
powers back! That means they're stronger than us again!"
     Litebrite, in the chair by the TV, didn't say anything; his
hands were otherwise occupied in getting a manicure from Eddie. 
The mute general had a gleeful smile on his face.
     Saabbite growled.  "It's time to bring in some more muscle."
     "...you mean...?"
     "Yes."  Whipping a small black address book out of his
pocket, he tossed it at the back of Eddie's head.
     "Ouch!"
     "Ouch....what?"
     "Ouch, my lord Saabbite!" cringed Eddie.
     Saabbite smiled with a dark and evil joy.  It had been so
long since he'd had a lackey who was terrified of him, who didn't
know the awful truth!  "Teddie.."
     "Eddie!"
     He frowned.  "Don't correct me, Teddie.  You have some phone
calls to make..."
     Litebrite, left with half a manicure, pouted.

****

     Darien sat on the edge of his bed, flabbergasted.
     Serena had dumped.....him?
     Something was very wrong with the world.
     Tiny sparks leapt from the back of his head and crawled down
his shirt.
     Connections fizzled; wires melted.
     Suddenly, Darien jumped up.
     "The courageous soul of Darien, who fights the Negaverse!,"
he screamed.  Grabbing a sheet corner, he ripped the fabric
(white, with pink flowers) from his bed and wrapped it around
himself.  "HAAGEN-DAAS!"
     With a gleeful cackle and a swirl of sheets, he jumped out
the window.

****

     "Ooooh! Ouch!"  Malachite limped through the motel door,
leaning heavily on his newly-acquired cane.  
     "Stop whining already!" snapped Zoisite, a bit tired of
playing sympathetic nursemaid.  "It was your own stupid fault!"
     "Hey, you're supposed to be supportive here!" grumbled
Malachite.  "Anyway, at least I get a cane - I'll look even more
like Tuxie-boy! Man, is this gonna tick him off!"
     Seconds after Zoisite closed the door, there came a knock.
     Zoisite frowned.  "It better not be the shark!"
     Malachite sighed.  "Don't authors usually like to write in
references that the audience has the slightest chance of
recognizing?"
     "What?"
     "Never mind.  Answer the door."
     The five scouts trooped in as Malachite sat himself down on
the bed.  
     "Hey!" shrieked Zoisite, "How did you find us??"
     Ami shrugged.  "I used my computer to check the motel
registeries."  Raising an eyebrow at Malachite, she allowed
herself the slightest of smirks.  "'Malachite Smith' isn't the
most original of pseudonyms, you know."
     Malachite sighed and reached for the Tylenol in the
nightstand drawer.  "Go away."
     "Nuh-uh!" Serena shook her head.  "You're scouts now, or at
least Zoisite is, which means that you have to attend our
meetings!"  Tossing a square thing that looked rather like a
cigarette lighter to Zoisite, she added "Here's your
communicator."
     "OK now," said Ami sternly, "What's up with those three
Negajerks?"
     "HEY!" objected Zoisite, before remembering that he'd
switched sides.  Blushing, he waved a hand.  "Er...nevermind. 
All Negaverse servants are scum.  Right."
     "Just answer the question!" said Ami petulantly.
     "Um..." Malachite thought quickly.  "There are these three
guys, see...well...two guys and a woman....and...they don't like
us."
     Lita looked enlightened.
     Ami rolled her eyes.  "Ok...that much, we knew."
     "We did?"  
     "Hush!"
     "Um....they're really mad because we left the side of evil,
and they're trying to capture us so they can brainwash us into
coming back!"  Malachite smiled, proud of his sudden inspiration.
     "Oh.  Well....I guess that's OK, then."
     "So....if that's all you wanted...."
     "Erm...yeah. We'll be going now."
     Raye frowned suspiciously.  "I think he's lying, Captain!"
     Everyone stared at her;  a large sweat drop appeared on her
head.  "Um...nevermind!"
     The five girls left as quickly as they'd come, Raye casting
one last suspicious glance back over her shoulder.
     "Whew!" exclaimed Zoisite, "That was close!"
     Malachite nodded, but his expression was troubled.  "And
pointless.  Something tells me that we may be entering the calm
before the storm..."
     Zoisite rolled his eyes.  
     
****