A little disoriented, maybe not so cheerful, but it came to me, and I wrote it down.
What premonitions touch me now don't matter. No matter what, no matter what, I will get those two nijizuishou; for Kunzite-sama. I don't know what I'd do if I were to lose him, lose the only thing that can comfort me in the midst of this great, cursed darkness that I can never begin to understand.
He almost seems a part of it, so sure of himself, so secure and confident. I'm jealous. I know I'm horribly lost, confused, desperate (did I mention single-minded?). Nephrite, arrogant, cruel Nephrite, trying to take from me the only thing that ever mattered, ever will matter... they say to speak no ill of the dead, though I daresay my soul is a lost cause already. Something long forgotten in me is sorry; there's something there I can't grasp, can't remember.
I don't know anything.
And that's part of what frightens me, I think, is not knowing, never being absolutely certain of anything or anyone. Nephrite would have killed me, the senshi would kill me... Beryl would kill me, in a heartbeat. The only thing I have to be sure of is...
Kunzite-sama.
I'm going to get those nijizuishou, I swear it. I won't, can't, won't lose this last hope, last... tendril of light, last inkling of who I am and what is happening.
Oh, how I hate not knowing!
Why, oh why can't I be confident, be sure? Why can't I walk into this convinced that the whole scheme will pull off perfectly, and Kunzite-sama will be proud, and... bright medals of glory... maybe, remembering that elusive something... a chance for us to kill the Queen, be rid of this... all of this, so confusing. A happy ending. As in frivolous human fairy tales -- how I wish I were living one, sometimes -- so that I could be assured, no matter what happens, no matter how bad things seem, there's always going to be a happy ending.
But no, no, I have to be apprehensive. Damn Nephrite anyway, he was always so arrogant. I laughed at him and swore his overconfidence would be his undoing, and... so it was... but I envy even him now.
I'm sorry.
If only, two minutes to talk to whoever, whatever, to say... I don't know what. To say, I don't understand what's happening. Please understand me. I don't understand myself, I only understand that I can't -- lose -- Kunzite-sama.
And oh, what a pretty scene I'm making now, how the youma would laugh, laugh... the king-who-should-be-queen, worrying himself to death like a fool, not even able to form coherant thought, wonder how long he'll last now. Ha, ha, ha.
I'd even like to be a youma. Most of them don't have the mental capacity to worry.
Nephrite, dammit, where's that overconfidence when it could be useful? Because, silly me, silly, paranoid me is thinking that I'm going to be seeing you a whole lot sooner than I ever wanted to.
But I have to go through with it, of course.
I'm going to get those nijizuishou if it kills me.
Whatever it takes... I won't lose you, Kunzite-sama...
- The End -
Sailormoon is not mine.
This is not DiC's Zoycite.
I don't know if this is any good or not, but I sure feel better now, so it's not a complete loss...