Fan Mail Gone Bad
      Page 8

      Necron attacks spam:

      April 24th, 2002
      Subject: Re: They Laughed at Me
      now look here. you triked me with yer line yah who laffed at you.now thats seriez bizness i mite be abel to feel fer ya but no you send shit spam.well with the gray power of satan i have started war of doom on yer sttopid junk i don't want it.do ya hear me so stop sending yer stoopid shit or the dinisores will breethe fire of doom on ya chant burn dekayed deer.NECRON ROAMNCER OF DEATH
      From: "valor"
      To: "8231@usa.net" <8231@usa.net>
      Subject: They Laughed at Me
      Date: 22 Apr 2002 07:35:37 -0300

      Spam causes indigestion even to vampires and dinosaurs. He also replied to me:

      Subject: EVIL NECRON VAMPYRE EVIL
      i have been thinkin prinsess and thinkin and well then some more cuz i dont understand.i'm not stoopid yer konfusing yah like algebra ekashun of circle lines ha ha. now whose gray and why do you saygray has staker who gives a deer.i'm not a staker just a vampyre in love with his prinsess. how do i talk to gray if yer not gray. and am i beeing a hariytick oh god owt of my eye balls eye ball am i prinsess oh go away stoopid gohst.look this is a kerse you've sent on me i know it yer mad at me so you send potergist to haunt NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH.well any way full moon serimony is coming soon like this week end and the spooky chidren are kimminsing at swampy fedrick lake.maybee if kohst is klear we'll see dinisore land to appeese yer hiness and oh yeah, 2we're so close to getting a virgin yeah a reel virgin of doom fer ya.god gpohst dont eat my kape go =away yah she's a good spesemen you shold enjoy. god i fayuled my sochul studys test real bad shit and my mortal gardians of fat ugley death are stoopid well at leest they dont know where my new skwirl is. well its not so new its starting to rott but i rase it to ya every nite look. i'm evil. pleese prinsess of darkness will ya see that.sooooooooooooo evil. gurl baby i meen itNECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

      Grey is Grey and Satan is Satan. And neither of us like algebra.

      Necron gets back with Troll.

      April 28th, 2002
      Subject: BLOOD SUCK MUTENT KEMMENSE FEED ON FLESH
      adeler troll yeah so its been a while but honistly i've been konfused with the blind pwer of doom throws gohsts and devient disipels of satan.anyway how are you doing i was konfused fer a while was sussikated to ya but whose gray.well she asshuers me that satan is not writing a diery and yer fucking satan so yer going owt afer all.well i'm glad to hear that satan is not hurting vampyres ha ha gives me a chance.well may bee not thats what i'm werryed bout.see don't tell satan well akshually she knows every thing so i gess she knows and thats why she's mad.and thats what i'm werryed about.see her prinsipels,well its hard to see whats most evil.in sohul studys i embarissed my self in satans name. was talking bout politikal partys and plat forms.and issues was menshuned like aborshun.and i say aborshun stops a beating heart.but KING COMMAND LD 50 DOSE OF DOOM well he poke me and say look well aborshun is murder and thats evil.so i rase my hand and say i take it back.aborshun is murder there fore evil and i support it.and teecher kwestien me fer changing mind in 30 seconds but i say i meen it.so aftre skool i talk to MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH and ask him i say hey yer filosifer is aborshun good or evil he says it depends on wether ya want 1 or 2 screwed up peple in the wolrd.and i say i'm screwed up,right.he says yah yer screwed up necron.i ask if hitelers screw3ed up. and yah hitler's screwed up.so i think well if theres aborshun ther'll be no hitler or NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH we need owr evil forces, next dsay i rase hand say i do not support aborshun cuz aborshun destroys satanik forses of hitler, ax merderers, zombys, and vampyres.and class laffed but i said look i'm seriez dont laff i bared gangil fangs of doom well that shut them up good ha ha.so i tell MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH he say no no yer all worng god you messed it up.and i'm konfused but thats what vyou say paul!!!!@and he says i don't get it, he called me stoopid.,that makes me mad now cuz i'm hi preest of spooky chidren and it takes graet intelligense and i am more grately intelligent then he is.so i call him haritick say he'll be perged and he say fine well that gurls not reely satan she looks like nately portman.she's just a hott chick and i bite him.i hope i honered satan cuz shes reel i know it damn i know it adeler troll. and ya know it too.god i'm not even goijng into the gohst or the virgin problems god who will romance the virgin of doom.i meen we have to romance her if we can sakrifise her to satan, so i say look some one has to take virgin to berger king or brewbakers or something.and GRAIN MAGGOT OF EUPHRHTES DOOM BANKS says well how bout you.and i say look i don't want extra doom ladin porblems if megan or april sees me,look, don't want to have to give eksplinashun to the gurls.and i say MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH how bout you.he says look i got reputashum i'm a teecher bla bla god shut up haritick who will romance the virgin look satan needs to fergive me this is series bizness and i gave her my bloody werd i need to keep it look satan is my prinsess the most beautifull gurl on erth. lake fedrick serimony went ok but we only fownd a byrd and i say we cant sakirfise it its hitler.god troll yer so lucky NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

      "Fuck yeah, I'm damn lucky." -- Troll.

      Satan has taking a break, so Necron writes to Lucifer:

      April 29th, 2002
      Subject: lucyfer pleese forwerd this to satan.
      hi lucyfer are you there. well its necron will you pleese give this to satan, my prinsess. dear satan well,its been a while. doom forses were un kapacitating me,well i fite them like a man and darkness prevails.some times when in my kave of doom and dank oders or salty dirt flesh of rott over come, i think of yer beautifull face and my stranth is renewed my kween. but i'm disterbed i see kartoon of mokery in yer art hall. dont think i dont see yer art i go every day yah i love you.now at first i say mis take.succubis drawed that.but no its to good fer succubis art or chibi pj art or kafren art or gest art or soyulint art.prinsess now i know yer mad and its cuz i haven't givin ya a prare or a virgin . look i pormise a virgin of the forses of death will be burned fer ya barbykued like a wyne spittel filled deer krakle in it's fat.we have a virgin shes beautifull. not like you but you will be pleesed but first she needs to be romanced as satanik bible says. trust me i'm a ekspert on the doom knowlidge of virgins. so yer getting yer virgin,now a prare i will write or art maybee some art to appeese ya anything gurl god.yer so gorgies i cant sit still need to service my prinseess doom of breth of skwirl eye of toed.NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

      Ehhh...now I remember why I took that vacation.

      Also to appease me, he:sent along a picture:

      Subject: SATAN FOR FOOM FER YA
      satsan i present to ya my art of doom it took me 2 hole howers god my hand herts.i try to make reelistic shadows like you. but yer so good and beautifull i hope you assept it its of you hiter the byrd and saler moon at dinisore land serimony i love ya gurl god but homewerk i hate skool.NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

      Thanks, Neccy. The Succubus really enjoyed this one when I showed it to her.

      And what is a picture without a prayer?.

      April 30th, 2002
      Subject: PRINSESS A PRARE TO YA I RISE DEATH TO MARTALS DIE NOW
      satan, i hope i have apeesed ya gurl. we're supposed to be reserching on skool computer for english class repot but gurl i couldn't stay away must write prare.i hope ya like my art i will write a prare but i dont have long.well fer that i shold start writin before teecher sees me,yah.

      FIRE OF HAYDEES WRATH OF BURNING SAKIRFISE
      KERROSIVE FUMES SENT TO MAKE MISSTRESS RELIZE
      HER VAMPYRE BURN THE KLOEK UTTER CHANT ON HI
      DOOM OF HITLER PERGE DISSINTERS SINGE CHAR DONT LIE
      SLICE EYE BALL ON TABEL SEE IT PEER SEEP BLOOD
      oh shit teecher must go hey stopNECRONT RONAMER DEATH

      . . . .

      Troll replies to Neccy

      May 1st, 2002
      Subject: BLOOD SUCK MUTENT KEMMENSE FEED ON FLESH
      Josh,
      Sorry I took so long to reply. Things have been a little crazy around here. I spent most of yesterday in the dunk tank, and now I'm dealing with a spliced toe, a bruised hip, and a lot of people chuckling cause they managed to dunk me. At least my troubles sound mild compared to yours. Luckily I get to see my Lady soon. I've missed her a lot, and have already informed Father that I have every intention of pestering her when I get home... I think both she and I are looking foreward to that...
      Okay, so the reason your teacher questioned you was because you changed your mind so quickly. It isn't anything to be embarassed about. You are young, and I seriously doubt you're worrying about getting an abortion for yourself. There are several different ways you can look at the abortion issue. One, religiously. There you run into two interesting problems. The first, what you choose to believe, and the second, how you choose to interpret it. Though abortion does stop a beating heart, though not if performed early enough, you might want to think about the number one cause of death in this world...God. If you believe in her. Thus, if you destory the unborn fetus, you are not doing anything God wouldn't do. After all, it is going to die someday any how, and who are we to decide that God didn't change his bleedin mind and decide to take the fetus back? Also, according to the bible, humans were made in God's image, and he kills, so why can't humans, other than the whole, 10 commandments issue.
      Another way you can look at the abortion issue, is Constitutionally. If you look at the Constitution, you'll notice that it does not focus on pre-natal life. It seems to deal more with post natal life. This would suggest that the mother has the right to do with her body as she pleases. Some people argue , though, that the fetus has a right to life. Now here, you get into the sticky interpretation conflict once more. Everyone has a right to life, but does not have the right to demand something from someone else to save his or her own life. This suggests that the mother has the right to have the child removed from her body. If the child is close enough to term, the mother cannot have the child killed if it can survive without the mother. In this kind of situation, one views the fetus as a kind of stranger using th e mother until it can survive on it's own. The mother has the right to deny the fetus this use, since it is her body, but she does not have the right to have the infant killed. Removal of the infant from the mother is the cause of death. If you want to get more on this, try reading some of Judith Thomson's work, or Jane English's. They're dated, but they pretty much point out the same stuff... though English is against abortion later in the pregnancy.
      As for your problem with romancing the Virgin. I have the solution. Don't bother. My Lady would hate it if you took an innocent life for her. What's the point in taking an innocent life in the name of evil, when it's good? Only romance her if you want her for yourself. I know my Lady certainly does not want her. She's told me so, in no uncertain terms.
      Well, Josh me boy, I have to scat. We played our last match this past weekend, and I have to go pay off one of me mates... I'm buyin an old pair of cleats. I hope that I've been a wee bit of help in yer problem department. Oh, and I wouldn't worry about what yer mates say. They don't sound like real mates to me. I'd tell em to piss off... bloody wankers...
      Taa, Taa,
      -Adelar

      And Neccy replies to Troll:

      May 2nd, 2002
      Subject: FEEST ON FLESH MAGGOTS WORMS OF SLIMEY DOOM
      adeler troll yah, well i thout about what you said bout aborshun fer a while and will do 2 step plan first what do i believe well, what i believe is in the prinsess satan.but there is a delemma, that is knowing what is most evil. since satan is evil pure as purest of dissikrated rosey virgin blood,well some times its hard to know.killing is evil to stop beating heart is killing thats what it meens in eh sense. but peeple who kill are evil if screwed up people are alive well they kill good peple thats evil it makes more evil people tpo carry the emilationative destruktive plans of the misstress satan who is beautiful god.shes so damm hot dude. yah well any way.konstitshun now,see i'm americkan gangril vampyre aktivated in transulvania coven fer 666 years. number of satan prinsess holey kween bitten by vampyre bat of ugley doom i am nersed by dinisores. and french vampyres i asked MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH he say there are french vampyres no french terrerists huh.well lern somthing new every day huh. whose yer daddy ben laden. so i gess yer a vampyre,and ya have a kape that means you might be.any way waht i was sayin yah well kontitusdhum of amerika i read karefully.prenatel life has no rites. i read that in graet depth beeing of graet intelligense so i will innform the teecher of my disckovery. i beleeve mortal gardian fee male has rites to her body fetis is a parisite needs to be perged. but troll, as a vampyre did ya ever wonder. what if the fetis is hitler.god its konfusing even fer a vampyre of super naturel intelligense. i mean it paul back off god.you mensnbhuned virgin.well virgin of doom damn bitch decided to leeve us stoopid GLOWING PHOSFERIS SKULL OF RADIO ACTIVE DOOM actually called the virgin virgin.stoopid,her name is kim to romance a gurl you call her by name not by name you say round coven like thunder thy which or loose kunt hore.well, ive never called gurl those things if i do its cuz its true.any way why doesn;t satan want a virgin. satanik bible makes cleer the obligashun of vampyres to dissikrate virgins fer satan. what does satan want we will have grave yard serimony soon.so i'll find some animles and hope fully zombys will rise give praise to satan.may bee that will appeese her. god but troll you know i think its cause i can't go to dinisore land after all satan is lizerd kween built from bones of dinsores dirt breeths life and dance among spooky childer as blood flows from serimonial deer skull. and the OIJA BORD OF DOOM SPRITS KOMMUNICATE was taken by mortal gardians. ya know maybee i'll go to store of toy jiraff and get another cuz that kcould help kommunication with the prinsess.huh ya know it could huh. what is dunk tank is it when you drown some one.well no wonder yer hurtin adeler troll.NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

      He follows up with me to see how I liked his art...

      May 3rd, 2002
      IN DOOM RING BELL OF DEATH RISE CHILDERN OF DOOM‏
      so satan did ya get my art of you you have not said. well did you like it if ya did. i spent howers on it yes with my own hands i make fer ya a master peece of doom. well its not as good as yer art but i think its realy good i tried to shadow. i sent on to soyulent too and i said i try to shadow like her.maybee i'll deevote my life to art my karft of death MOUNTED ON WALL DOOM JELLY FISH said its best abstakt art hes seen cuz its abstakt witowet effert. i feel good and i finished my repot. oh yeah but all that saves me from doom throws neck in rope of doom is yer presense write back prinsess i love you.and if ya don't want a virgin well i tell virgin we don't need her service of doom.bloody kisses i love ya think of ya always. NECRON ROMANCER OF DEATH

      If I replied, I do not have the text now. Troll, however, did reply to Necron:

      Re: FEEST ON FLESH MAGGOTS WORMS OF SLIMEY DOOM‏
      Josh,
      Glad I could be of help with your ethical debate. As to my family, my father's name is Damien. Most of his mates call him Ash, short for his middle name. He's a bit of a recluse, but he doesn't mind hanging out with me mates and I. Most of his mates are pretty cool too. They've dragged me off to a live showing of Rocky Horror once. It was really cool. Gotta love those midnight showings.
      I'm not French. I'm British. I was quoting Monty Python earlier. John Cleese in particular, when I said that I was French. Like I said, I'm British. Me last name is pretty common here. Father and I moved to the US when I was much younger, but I always visited me mum in the summer... till she died...
      My lady doesn't want any virgin sacrifices. What's she gonna do with a virgin anyhow? She has me, so she doesn't need any more play mates. Also, if you think about it, a virgin is pure, so by sacrificing her, all you're doing is giving a pure soul back to God. Even if she is killed in the name of evil, she's not done anything to corrupt her spirit, so why would anything evil want her?
      Also, my Lady is an animal lover, generally she frowns upon the harming of animals. It's one of the things she and I have in common. One of the many. Love animals, can't stand most people. Kinda anti-social except in our small circle of friends. Good thing most of me friends are complete loonies. Lady Sally and her mate John are even more anti-social than the Lady and I. So, we're a bunch of anti-social misfits. Smiling Chinchillas we are...
      Did you realize that the debate about abortion didn't really get big until the mid 1970s? In fact, int eh 19th century, there weren't many laws pertaining to it. It'd be interesting to do some research and find out where the laws originated from. Me mates and I were discussing it the other day. Course, with so many female friends, I'm inclined to be of the opinion that the woman has the right to decide, if it's early on in the pregnancy. My medical training also has given me the view of, the mother can survive without the baby, and make more babies, but the baby can't survive without the mum, at least not early on. That's how the train us, you know. Save the mum and you save the babe.
      Yeah, I was in the dunk tank. Me mates lined up just to nail me, bloody bastards, but I have to love em. If it'd been any of em in the tank I'd have done the same. Course, today hasn't turned out to be any easier on me poor body. I had to get up early, and then I smashed me heel, and knocked me head. Fuck, I look like I just got done playin a match of rugby, but I haven't played in a week. Season ended... pity, cause the lady never got to see me play, and she would have so enjoyed such a wonderfully violent sport... at least I have time to recover before Isee her...
      Gotta dash, hope ya have a wonderful weekend,
      -Adelar

      Necron also wrote to the Succubus:

      May 4th, 2002
      Subject: greetings from transulvania
      succubis, well its been a while yeah. you wrote letters well i djidn't write back cuz yer soyuled and reeked havek with the powers of doom.well its series bizness i am not amewsed. but prinsess yes that is satan, well she won't write to me.ya see i don't know if shes actin like friend to succubis cuz she likes ya or wants to burn ya trick ya into doom flames of peersing wormy panefull death,well porbably that, but whatever i'm writin in response well you send survey of sexual natuer.i can reply you hore. yer a hore yes but dont tell satan i said that yes a dirty hore. yer kartoons of skwirl but wait have you seen skwirl like that thats kewl.but he wont kill the vampyre. and god once oi almost kaught a live skeirl yeah but fer now i eat onley dead skwirls but yer skwirl had tank and mussels. not as big as gangril mussels i could beat him up yeah ha ha. yeah well its intrsting newpaper prints article on dinisores as satan thats on owr alter. die succubis die die die in yer meely porris ugley fleash rott.NECRON ROMNANCER OF DERAG

      The Succubus says to me:

      Fwd: greetings from transulvania‏
      Necron wrote! Oh, I'm so flattered! Well, sort of. It's just to appease Satan, of course. Damn those boys and their ulterior motives . . . but he liked Nokternel Skwirl of Doom (though I don't think he approved of Hunter's ineptitude as a vampire. Hey, Necron, I only work off what you give me). I like the subject line - it's like he's sending me a cheery postcard from the Bahamas . . er, Transylvania. Oh yes, Satan, I'm making it a priority to tell you right now that Necron called me a dirty whore. Yes, a dirty whore. We'll decide who's the whore when we see that survey, eh, Neccy? ~ A mirthful succubus

      Poor Soylent. That's all I can say - though I'm sure she was duly amused . . . and Necron, going into art? God help us . . .

      Indeed...

      Then Necron finds some spam to reply to on Grey's journal. He feels compelled to share.

      May 5, 2002
      Re: 6036YNYQ9-5l10‏
      To: laiwai4068p85@aol.com; jessy@twinkles.net; ladyphoenix9@hotmail.com
      look now we have to talk you signed gray's gestbook well thats soo wrong you get it. of course ya don't you dont have enuff branes to see tirano ordinahtays is series bizness and its a doom kerse. stoopid spam fuck off go away this last time i tell ya. then yas know what i'm not gonna kommunikate wit ya any more. and whats up with stoopid subject line,i've had hard week dont ya knowits apple vblossom idiets. tonite be ashured thatyer neck will be peersed by fangs of angry gangril vampyre.peerse blood see eksume eat tear skabie rabie wolfNECRONROAMCNER OF DEATH

      The spam wasn't interesting, so I won't reprint the long-ass thing here.

      The Succubus replies with a demand:

      Re: greetings from transulvania
      Dear NECRON ROMNANCER OF DERAG,
      You have roused my wrath of doom. As Satan's right-hand succubus, I am appalled not only at your lack of respect for my duties (which are most certainly, by your standards for gauging wickedness, evil), but at your utter ignorance of that which you claim to be high priest of. I will take this opportunity to again remind you that I AM AN AGENT OF SATAN. Why, you seem to have more respect for the customs of the Christian church than for me, second in command to her Infernal Majesty, whom you hold in utmost emnity for my "kartoons." Well, deathly romancer of ladies' attire, have you ever considered that my disdain of you is shared by the Princess of Darkness, and that the cause of this disdain lies with YOU, what with your being so damned pathetic and stupid - no, wait, STOOPID? Anyway, I demand the sacrifice of six breaded mozzarella sticks with marinara sauce to my name by 6:56 this evening. I'm hungry. And none of that frozen shit from Food Lion. I know the difference. Satan and I would also appreciate some art, and perhaps a school report. This may or may not get you back in our good graces. -The Succubus