Sailor Moon: Secondary Characters: Noise
{Jon Carp}
address: jcarp@med.unc.edu

Two signs that the universe is a pain-filled, terrible, unfair place:
TMBG came the other day to my town, and I missed it.
Poor, defenseless, genious Allen Guinsberg is dead.

There's a new rule on the bus, ladies and gentlemen.  Passengers will
refrain from trying to KILL MY SOUL!!--Busdriver Stu (Pete & Pete)

Gumby #1: Doctor!  DOCTOR!!  My brain hurts!
Gumby #2: Ooh...it'll have to come out.
                                        --Monty Python

        Hotaru flopped down on her bed and did her best to forget about her
life.  Impossible.
        She wondered if there was a family out there that was any more
dysfunctional than hers.  Maybe off in America somewhere.  She guessed in
New York there had to be some completely fucked up group of people all
living together and making each other's lives utter hell.  It satisfied her
to imagine this.
        But then the image of the completely fucked up group of people
living with her jumped back into her brain, and she groaned slightly.  She
didn't want to think about this.
        She supposed Haruka and Michiru's relationship was stable enough,
despite the fact that Haruka was out of her mind.  They really did love each
other.  Sure, Michiru was sleeping less than three hours a night, worrying
about and taking care of her lover, but they were both basically happy
people.
        Unlike the other two.  Poor Barbara, poor drunken, surly Barbara.
Hotaru could tell she was a good person and deserved more than the constant
depression she was trapped in.
        And Setsuna, officially the Unhappiest Person on the Face of the
Earth.  She would be lucky if she made it another fifty years without losing
her mind.
        Hotaru wanted to do something, anything.  It was killing her just
sitting there and living with these people and watching them fall apart,
terrified that the same thing will slowly happen to her.
        She wanted to go up to Haruka, smack her in the head and just
scream, "GET BETTER!!"
        Or say to Barbara, "If you ever touch another drink again, I will
slice your skull open."
        Or sit Michiru down and say, "Hey, just in case you haven't noticed,
everyone in this house except for me is in love with you."
        Or grab Setsuna by the hair and threaten to break her neck if she
doesn't start trying to enjoy life like normal people do.
        No, of course that wouldn't work.  She had to help them, but
subtlety was the way to go.  She had to think of some way to make them all
better, but she couldn't change herself, or it'd all fall apart.  She was
the glue in this family.
        There was a green flash, and she wasn't alone anymore.  Someone with
pink hair was standing over her, a confused expression on her face.
        Hotaru recovered quickly from her shock and jumped up and hugged the
newcomer as hard as she could.  The embrace was returned.
        "Chibi-Usa!" Hotaru squealed.  "What are you doing here?"
        "Just a visit," Chibi-Usa answered.  "Just came to see you."

        Hotaru is lying on a stone slab, cold and stiff.  She opens her eyes
and looks around.  It's dark.  Two eyes stare at her, cartoon-like, floating
in the void.
        A claw reaches out and stroakes her face tenderly.  Lips touch her
ear, and breath blows in, forming words in her head.  "We're coming for you,
bitch.  We're coming for you."

        "It's so great to see you.  Nobody here really cares like you do."
        Chibi-Usa shrugged.  "That's not true.  Everyone cares about you,
they're just too busy to remember all the time."
        "Still, you...pay attention to me.  Unlike the rest of the world."
        Chibi-Usa frowned.  "I know you haven't had the greatest life.
That's why I came.  I wanted to cheer you up."
        Hotaru smiled.  "Thank you.  How long has it been?  For you, I
mean."
        Chibi-Usa thought for a second.  "Six years," she said.  "Wow, I
hadn't realized it'd been that long.  I've missed you."
        Hotaru kept smiling.  "Me too.  So, I guess you want to see the
others."
        "I want to say hi.  I've seen enough of most of them lately.  Part
of the reason I came here was to get away from my parents."
        Hotaru stood up.  "I think the inners have a meeting at Rei's temple
right about now."
        Chibi-Usa nodded and started out the door.  She stopped, turned
around, and embraced Hotaru again.  "You're a good person," she whispered.
"Never forget that.  No matter what happens."
        They walked out the door together.

        She can feel somebody eating killing her.  Her head falls apart, but
her body lives on, smiling by itself.  She sees it, and wonders how that can
be.  Bodies can't smile by themselves!  Something has to tell them to.
        That's when she sees the bright black thing that shoots out of her
head and waves all around, blinding everything.  Everything goes purple.
Then red.  Then white.  Then nothing.
        There's nothing left.

        Hotaru sat in the kitchen, not at all troubled.  She drank her tea
calmly.
        Setsuna walked in.  "Well," she said.  "This has been a suprising
day."
        Hotaru grinned and nodded.
        "I hadn't expected her to come back again," Setsuna continued.
        "She didn't have a reason or anything," Hotaru reminded her.  "It's
just a visit."
        Setsuna frowned.  "I'm not sure that's plausable," she said.  "I
wouldn't send someone back in time unless it was important."
        Hotaru scowled, but refused to lose her good mood.  "Maybe in the
future you learn that when people are friends, they want to see each other."
        "Be careful," Setsuna said.  "I don't think..."
        Hotaru cut her off bitterly.  "Setsuna, stop trying to tell everyone
what to do.  Not everything that happens is going to destroy the universe."
        Setsuna blinked in suprise.  That didn't seem normal.  "Hotaru..."
she began, but Hotaru had already left the room.

        Hotaru's mind suddenly jerked and she found herself automatically
yelping the first thing that popped into her head.  "GET OUT!!"
        The she looked around in suprise and was shocked to find herself
outside the house.  Judging from the placement of the moon, it was late.
The last she remembered was going to bed at around ten.
        She'd never been a sleepwalker.  Bizzare.
        As she went back inside she sniggered.  Then she realized what she'd
been doing and stopped suddenly.
        It was that weird state you get in just after you wake up, when your
thoughts are messed up and you don't really know what you're doing.  Yeah,
she thought of something funny and just forgot about it instantly.  That was
it.
        Nothing was wrong.  Nothing was...
        She smiled, and went inside.

        Her mind refused to get frustrated.  Its power was building, it was
taking over eaily, but to be discovered now would mean certain death.
        Still, it watched all these inane, stupid, loud people yelling and
screaming and running around all over the place.  Terrible to endure.  Yet
necessary, for the time being.
        So it sat in her skull and waited.

        Michiru walked into the kitchen to get herself some milk (the
greatest opiate in the world) and was a little suprised to find Hotaru
sitting there.
        "Hey," she said.  "Couldn't sleep either?"
        Hotaru nodded.  "I tried, but sleepwalked outside.  Did I ever do
that?"
        Michiru thought.  "No," she said eventually.  "You were always a
good sleeper, at least since I've known you.  We could ask your father."
        Hotaru shrugged and sipped her tea.  "No need.  I guess my
subconcious is just trying to keep me from dreaming.  I've been having
nightmares lately."
        Michiru crinkled her forehead.  "Bad ones?"  She went to the
refrigerator and got the milk and peanut butter out.
        "No.  Just weird.  Terrible things are happening, I mean, I've seen
myself die a couple of times, but I never feel any pain."
        Michiru got a glass and the bread out of seperate cabinets.  "I'm
not sure I like that," she muttered in a motherly manner.  "You should ask
Haruka's shrink about it.  I'm sure seeing yourself die in a dream is not
symbolic of something healthy."
        "Oh, Michiru, don't worry about it.  It's not anything bad.
Besides, Chibi-Usa being here will help any psychological problems I might
have."
        Michiru grunted disbelievingly as she spread the peanut butter on
her end slice.  "I'm glad she's here," she said, after washing it down with
some milk.  "You sure seem happy ever since she showed up."
        "Uh huh.  It's great to be around somebody who...y'know...spends
time with you and really cares about..."  She realized what she'd said and
trailed off.
        Michiru looked at her sadly.  "I'm sorry.  I know we don't give you
enough attention, but we all do our best.  You know that, don't you?"
        "Of course.  You don't have to..." something clicked in her head.
"...feel bad just because you're fucking me up for life."
        Michiru blinked.  "What?"
        "Oh, you know," Hotaru said casually.  "It's not exactly healthy for
somebody to be raised by people like you.  I'm probably going to grow up to
be a drunken, misanthropic, schizophrenic dyke.  Still, all of you are far
to busy to ever actually take care of me, so I may have a chance."
        Michiru was speechless.
        Hotaru laughed.  "I've been wanting to say that for years.  It feels
great, let me tell you.  It..."  Her mind cleared, and she realized what
she'd been saying.  "Oh my...Michiru, I didn't mean that!  I don't know what
happened!"
        But Michiru was already halfway out the door so Hotaru couldn't see
her cry.

        Hotaru finds herself standing in her own room.  The door opens and
Hotaru walks in.
        Hotaru 1 looks at the other in suprise.  "Who are you?"
        Hotaru 2 grins.  "I'm you.  Well, obviously I'm not YOU, but..." she
searches for words.  "Hmmm.  Here, let me show you."  She quickly pulls out
a knife and cuts her own hand.
        Hotaru 1 yelps in pain and looks down to see streams of blood
running down her fingers.
        Hotaru 2 grins wider, and holds up a red fist.  "Didn't hurt me,"
she says.  "Y'know why?  I'm stronger.  And pretty soon all of that," she
touches her own head with the tip of the blade, "Will be mine."

        Foolish before to have trusted that lowly servant with this girl.
She's strong.  Very strong.
        But revenge is sweet, and even the struggle tastes like chocolate,
when victory is within the grasp.
        There's no real challenge here.  Just noise.

        Setsuna knew.  She refused to greet Chibi-Usa when she entered the
room, or respond to her greeting.  Instead, she got straight to the point.
"Why are you here?"
        Chibi-Usa shook her head.  "I'm not going to talk to you," she said.
"And I'm certainly not going to answer any of your questions.  Don't take it
personally, but whenever you interrogate me, bad things happen."
        Setsuna glared at the pink-haired girl.  "I know something bad is
going to happen anyway.  So do you."
        "I won't say anything.  I'm on vacation.  You should take one too."
        Setsuna grunted in annoyance and headed out the door.
        Chibi-Usa called after her.  "Weren't you even glad to see me?"  But
Setsuna was already gone.

        Hotaru 2 is laughing.
        Hotaru 1 can see things happening around her, but something's weird.
She tries to say something, but there's no sound.  A car drives past, but
makes no noise.  A bird sings silently.
        "I am your king," a voice calls from Hotaru 2's lips.  "I am your
master.  I am your Pharoah."

        It was at this point that she woke up, panting noisily and sweating.
Something juts out in her mind, impossible to ignore.
        Chibi-Usa standing there smiling.  "I've missed you."
        She missed me.  In the future.  She missed me.




        He's part of me.  He's inside me.  I feel him breathing.  Once in a
while he whispers to me, and I have to do what he says.  There's no escape.
        I'm scared.


        Hotaru shut the door.  Chibi-Usa looked up and smiled.  "Hi," she
began, but stopped when she saw her friend's expression.
        Hotaru didn't move.  "You said you missed me," she murmured.  "Why
aren't I in the future?  What happened to me?"
        Chibi-Usa sighed.  She's expected this.  From the very moment that
had slipped out, she'd known it would cause trouble.  "Listen...I can't tell
you.  But don't be scared.  I lead an extremely busy, sheltered life.  Just
because I don't see you doesn't mean something bad happened.  You can't
assume something like that."
        That didn't fool Hotaru.  "Something's happening to me," she
whispered.  "I don't know what...but I'm afraid.  Is this why you're here?"
        "The future isn't set," Chibi-Usa said, not at all in response to
Hotaru's last statement.  "Every time Setsuna sends me back she warns me
about that.  I mean, when I get back to my time, everything could be
different than when I left.  I don't know the way it's going to be."
        "Chibi-Usa...please.  If you know what's happening to me, or what's
going to have to happen, tell me.  Please.  Why did you come now?"
        "I just picked a time at random.  I'm telling you, I don't know
anything.  What, are you sick or something?"
        "Why are you doing this?" Hotaru asked, tears in her eyes.  "Why..."
She glanced over and saw Setsuna standing in the doorway.
        "I know," the woman said grimly.  "I'm sorry, Hotaru."
        "Why, what is it?" Hotaru whiumpered, frightened.  "What's wrong
with me?"
        "It's him.  I knew he wasn't dead...I set up defenses, but somehow
he got through.  He's inside you, Hotaru.  No, more than that.  He's PART of
you."
        Hotaru struggled to get words out.  "Who..." was all she was able to
come up with.
        Setsuna's facial expression did not change.  "You know who.  The
Pharoah.  He's gaining power inside you, and when he's strong enough, the
Silence will come."
        There was silence.
        Hotaru broke it, with a trembling voice that was trying its best to
be brave.  "What can we do?"
        "He can't be forced out," Setsuna said calmly.  "I tried several
times while you were asleep.  He's part of your mind now, like a tumor.  We
can't destroy him without..."  The rest of the sentence was not necessary.

        Again, there was silence.
        Setsuna broke it, with a steady voice.  "He's turning your brain
against you as we speak.  Eventually you'll be gone anyway, and the world
will be doomed."
        Hotaru didn't move.  Chibi-Usa stood up and embraced her.  That was
when both started to cry.

        Hotaru watched herself in the mirror.  A wild thought popped into
her head that she didn't deserve this fate, but it was discarded immediately.
        "So you came to say goodbye," she said softly.
        Chibi-Usa nodded.  "And to help you.  You need somebody to be there
for you."
        Hotaru smiled.  "Thank you."  She went to the window and stared out.
        Chibi-Usa smiled.  "You're so strong and mature," she said.  "I
always respected that about you."
        Hotaru grimaced.  "I'm sorry," she managed slowly.  "He's struggling
again."
        Chibi-Usa watched helplessly as her friend tried to control her
mind.  "It's not fair," she whispered.  "None of this is fair."  You're
going to die.  No, you already did.  Oh god, why did I have to come?
        Hotaru inhaled deeply, as the struggle ended for the time being.  "I
wish I could have said goodbye to the inners," she remarked quietly.
        "Setsuna's right," Chibi-Usa said.  "They would just have gotten
your hopes up, talking about how there's some other way."
        Hotaru looked back, her eyes hollow.  "Is there?"
        "No.  Setsuna is going to spend years analyzing this over and over,
trying to find some way she could have saved you and still destroyed the
Pharoah.  She never came up with anything."
        "I don't want that," Hotaru said, tears in her eyes.  "I don't want
anyone to be hurt by this."
        "We're all hurt by this, Hotaru."
        They both began to cry again.
        "Oh god," Hotaru whispered.  "What is my father going to do?"
        "Setsuna set up some accident that she'll tell him you...died in.
It'll be easier that way."
        Several minutes of tears.
        "I have to give you a message before...it happens," Chibi-Usa
eventually choked.  "My Pluto, the one in the future, said to make sure I
told you that...she's sorry.  She wants you to know that she did all she
could, and that she loved you."
        Hotaru nodded, but was unable any words out.
        Sailor Pluto walked in silently.  "Are you ready?" she asked.
        Hotaru embraced Chibi-Usa, and the two of them walked outside
together.
        The other outers were waiting.  All were sobbing.  Michiru and
Haruka were holding each other for support, and Barbara was obviously
extremely drunk.
        "I love you all," Hotaru announced.  "I'm sorry I have to leave you
now.  Please don't be sad."
        Her words had little effect on their tear ducts.
        Pluto raised her staff.  "Goodbye," she murmured calmly.
        Pink shot out at Hotaru, consuming and burning her.  "Goodbye," she
whispered, as her mind screamed out in pain and fury.

        Orange.  Dark orange.  Then a green light.
        It got increasingly bigger, until it filled her field of vision.
Three figures appeared.  One was a young, calm man with a Generation Xish
goatee and brown hair, one was a grinning goat/man, and the last was a
dark-haired man with a scowl on his face.  She recognized him.  Pluto.
        I'm dead.
        The goat/man walked to her.  He reached into her head and pulled out
a small black thing.
        "Oh, MAN," he said to it.  "Did YOU ever pick the wrong planet to
die on.  Once you're in someone's head who believes in me, you're mine,
sinner."  He let out a deep, intimidating laugh.
        "Punish him good," Pluto said.  "Saturn really wants that one
hurting for what he did to his senshi."
        The goat/man pocketed the black thing.  He nodded to his companions.
"See you round," he said, and disappeared.
        Pluto did his best to smile at her.  "Hello, Hotaru," he said.  "I
suppose you know who this man is, seeing as how you believe in him and all."
He broke off from his speech and stared at the young man.  "Jeez, couldn't
you at least let us have the senshi?  They're pretty much our only followers
now."
        "I'm sorry, Pluto," the young man said.  "But this is settled.
Saturn and my father talked about this, and they agreed that she would stay
with us Mondays through Thursdays, and he gets her the rest of the time.
It's a compromise.  Civil people like them.  Besides, as you know, it'll
only be about a hundred years before people start worshipping you guys
again.  Then you'll have plenty of people to put in Hades."  He sighed.
"And please...don't call me Jeez."
        Pluto grunted.  "Anyway," he continued to Hotaru.  "I would just
like to say that we all talked it over, and you have no hope of rebirth or
spontaneously coming back to life or anything.  Just know that you will not
come back."
        The young man glared at Pluto.  "You could have been a little more
tactful.  See, now there's an example of why so many people don't like you.
You're just not very nice.  Now, I know you're a good person on the inside,
but people like Mohammed and Odin have neither the patience nor the
inclination to be around you long enough to see that."
        Pluto grunted again, this time louder.  "Am I done?" he asked.  "Do
you need me for anything else?"  The young man shook his head.  Pluto
disappeared.
        The young man stood in front of Hotaru.  "It's a little disturbing,"
he said.  "Seeing someone who's anti-me, and watching them, and finding out
that they're a really, really good person."
        Hotaru tried to speak, but found that she was too weak.
        "Oh, yes, that," the young man said.  "That's just a temporary
reaction to death.  It'll wear off in a couple of hours."  He reached out
his hand.  "Come with me."  His smile was blinding.  "You deserve some
happiness."
        She slowly raised her hand up until it touched his.  Together,
slowly, they walked off somewhere.