Rating:PG Author: Rhyaniwyn, Lady of Crying Shadows FOREWORD: The silver crystal is actually fairly sinister, if you think about how it killed Queen Serenity and Serena when they used its full capabilities. I wanted to show that in this story, as well as expand on the character of Queen Serenity. The theme of this story is not love, but fear, isolation and secrets. I know it probably sounds romantic, but... The Shadows Within the Facets I breathe my last, I do not deny it--it is because of the crystal. I have ever been a slave to the crystal. He knew it, he probably knew this was how it would end. He probably knew the first time he saw me that I would die here alone. A thousand peircing cuts cause my breathing to become ragged. The cuts do not bleed, they are inside, every organ has been lacerated by the power of the silver crystal. Here I lay upon a fallen column, a fallen kingdom, a shattered peace, a shattered woman--Queen Serenity of the Moon Kingdom. I do not regret, my daughter, I do not regret. I could have lived through this, my darling, but to what purpose? I am tired, so very tired, tired of living and ruling without him. You will never know, you will never wonder, no one will ever ask what happened to your father. Why? It has taken me this long to understand why he left, but I think I will never know how he did that. How did he erase himself from the memories of everyone who knew him? Everyone except me. I wonder if he tried to make me forget him? I remember you, kechara, I remember you, my Ikiel. I remember the first time I saw you... * * * "It's Princess Serentiy!!" a thousand whispery voices assailed my ears, "Look at the Princess, isn't she lovely? So, beautiful, so like her mother..." I couldn't help but have my eyes be drawn directly to you, you were the only silent one in a room full of chaotic and inane babble. Like a lodestone, the one spot of silent sanity in the room drew me--you. You were staring at me, darkly, broodingly, but blankly. Later I would learn that the blankness was a sign of your gift, your foresight, your clairavoyance... You saw the future. It was my future you saw then, I'm sure of it. But, instead of running away, you stayed for me. You gave me the time to know you, to love you, so that I would know love at least once in my life and the memories gave me strength in the end. But you probably knew that. You gave me Serena, to care for and love in your place. To love because she is your daughter, our daughter, but also because she is so wonderful. You knew then that our kingdom would be destroyed, knew it would topple easily, like this column I lie on. How did you know what would happen to Serena and Endymion? How did you know that I would have to be alone to do this thing that I have done? You have given me strength, darling, as well as love. I do so miss you... I'm so tired of being alone...Alone... Why, why, did you have to go away and never come back? I needed you so, I need you now. Did you ever know how much I wanted to renounce my title, my heritage, my parents, everything--to go with you? I couldn't have done it--I was too weak. The crystal compelled me then, as it does now. I am a slave to its whims, a slave to its power. I pray our daughter will use it for the right reasons and not as I did. I pray that she will use it for love and to protect those she loves. I have never used the crystal with my heart before...now... I am dying, Ikiel, dying cold and alone. I feel weak, I feel like water. I cannot feel my fingertips, hands arms, or legs, but I CAN feel the pain. The crystal has shattered inside me, and cut me into thousands of pieces, Ikiel. It has killed me! It took my love, my will, and now my life, but it saved Serena, so I am not afraid of dying. No one knew what was really behind my expressions when I used the crystal, only Luna and Artemis were even there. They are gone too, now, and I die alone. I am not afraid to die for this cause! I am afraid! I am afraid to die by myself, with no one beside me to hold my hand. I am afraid to die for this, Ikiel! I am leaving this place forever and yet no one is here to care. There is no one alive that even remembers that I existed! Why do I have to be alone? Something stirs the shards of broken stone by my head. I wish I could have saved this kingdom, I loved it too. I never wanted this to happen, I would have given my life to stop it. I'm so confused--if I would have given my life, why does it bother me that I'm dying now? I would still die to save this place, Ikiel, and to save Serena. The stones stir again. Is it only because you will never know how much I loved you and that I know you had to go? Yes, I hated you for many years until I saw what the crystal had done to me. You deserved better than I could have given you. But you loved me still, me! "I am an empty husk of a woman, dying alone with no one to love her. I am dying on top of my empty kingdom with out you, Ikiel. I love you. Good-bye Serena! Be happy! Perhaps we'll meet again!" Yeah, right. "Serenity?" That voice! "Ikiel?" I turn towards the voice, seeking a face to reassure me that I am not imagining things. He is here. He takes my hand. "I am with you, my darling. We will be together soon." "Ikiel, are you dead? All this time I thought you were alive!" "You still do not know?" he sighs. "Know what?" "You are a brave woman, Serenity, and someday all will know that. Your daughter will love you, proud to have a mother who saved so many at the expense of herself with no qualms." "I have qualms. I'm afraid," I confess. "Anyone would. You moved past it, that's what matters." "How did you die, Ikiel?" "I will not speak of it until we are fully together." "I think I know," my voice grows fainter by the second. "I pray that you do not." "I do know and I hate them for what they did. Thank you, Ikiel. Thank you for loving me, thank you for believing in me, thank you for dying for me. I love you," my voice rattles in my throat and he holds me closely. "This is the woman who is Queen Serenity," he says to the sky. "You will never know her." I am weaker and the pain has finally receded into a far away ache. I will die completed, I am reassured of what I knew all along, that I did what I could to save everything that it was possible to save. My vision dims to gray, then to black, "I love you, my daughter," I breathe softly. My spirit leaves my body to embrace with my beloved. AFTERWARD: Have you ever wondered what happened to Serena's dad on the moon? I never did, but I think Queen Serenity was a more complex woman than she is given credit for. Serena's father was a good subject for a story to show the humanity in Queen Serenity. In the anime, she seems kind of inhuman--a martyred legend. She must have been afraid to die, and you know she knew that using the full power of the Silver crystal would kill her. Sailor Moon does not belong to me, nor did I ever claim that it does. It is the property of Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha Ltd., and Toei Animation, Co., Ltd. Please e-mail me at alyanawhitemage@hotmail.com with comments and questions. I need feedback and I love to read e-mail! So please write me even if you have nothing to say.