_Author's Notes_ Hi! My name's Laura Hudson and I just wrote my second fanfic, "I Could Never Lose You." My first one was called "A Little Faith," and this is something of a sequel. This resolves the issues Serena, Darien and Rei were dealing with in "A Little Faith." I suppose it could be a stand-alone, but it makes references to events in the previous fanfic. This takes place after Serena and Darien's breakup in "The Cosmetic Caper." Please keep in mind that this is entirely NA basely and I have no clue how their breakup is actually resolved or how Sailor Moon R ends. You will find that this fanfic is very different from my previous one in many ways. Firstly, this is, IMHO, very little like an actual episode of Sailor Moon. If it was, it'd be a pretty weird one. It is much shorter than "A Little Faith," very character driven and emotionally charged. There is no Monster-of-the-Day. There are no battles. There are no transformations. All characters involved stay in their non-Sailor personas. There are, actually, only five characters in this fanfic and only two of them are Sailor Scouts. About 70% of this fanfic is a conversation between two of those characters. This is a little experiment I wanted to play with, and some people may find it a bit too... I believe the word is "sappy." I'm hoping it doesn't disappoint anyone who liked my first fanfic. Since I always write while I'm listening to music, you might enjoy the fanfic more if you listen to something slow and not distracting while you read. I'd also recommend that you only scroll down one line at a time when you read. It makes things more surprising in many places, but it's not necessary if you don't want to do that. I'd like to thank everyone who wrote me concerning my last one, and encouraged me to write again. It really made a difference. (BTW, I am sending copies of the this fanfic to everyone who gave me feedback and expressed an interest.) God-willing, I'll write another fanfic after this, and it'll have a slightly lighter tone. Please write me at Laura1222@aol.com, I truly want honest input on what I've written. That said, here it is. Rating: G ************************************************************** "I Could Never Lose You" It was midday, but the drapes were drawn. Darien was lying on the floor of his apartment, his hands behind his head. His eyes were shut, but he didn't seem anguished or pensive. Just so incredibly still, like some painstakingly chiseled statue, perfect in detail and form but as immutable as stone. Reeny laid next to him, stretched out on her stomach; her elbows pressed into the floor and her head cupped into her hands, she studied his face. Her legs were bent behind her, and she kicked them back and forth with the energy of a young child, something she often forgot she was. "Darien...?" she asked him. "Mmm?" he asked, acknowledging her and opening his blue eyes. "Where did you go that night after the fashion show?" she asked of the incident that had occurred two days before. He turned his head to the side, away from her. "Was it Serena again? She's always upsetting you. What was she doing there, anyway? She probably found you after the show. She must have done something. When you came back, you looked like you had been cryi-" Three soft knocks on the door interrupted her. Darien got to his feet and walked to the door, opening it only a crack, his face set into a hard expression. It softened when he saw the figure behind the door. Reeny heard muted voices, one of them feminine. She strained her ears to hear the conversation. Before she could make out any words, Darien turned away from the door and toward Reeny. "I'm going out for a little while, Reeny. Will you be OK?" She nodded, and tried casually to see who was behind the door as he swept through it. She saw nothing. Darien closed the door securely behind him. and turned to the girl who stood in the corridor ahead of him, her hands folded together unconsciously. The white walls and the gray carpet seemed to trail off into the distance behind her. For a moment she seemed luminous, like a lantern, reality present only in proximity to her. The light from her eyes was cast up on him with a warmth he had not felt in a while. She looked absolutely beautiful. "Rei..." he said, starting a sentence he did not know how to finish. "Y'know..." she began, looking at him with frightening earnestness, "I don't know why I came. I don't know if it means something because I did. I don't even know what to say now that you're in front of me. I just felt pulled here, like any other direction was the wrong way. We need to talk... but I don't know what I'm supposed to say." She finished, and looked at him to see his reaction. He exhaled with an air of decision. "C'mon," he said, brushing her shoulder with his hand as he walked by her. "Let's get out of here." She followed him as he walked toward the elevator. The "down" button lit up with an orange glow when he touched it. They waited, listening as the elevator wrenched to their floor. Their gazes met once as they rode the elevator to the ground floor, but there was a sense that they had to reach their destination to say what they were going to say. Some things could not be said in a cold, sterile elevator. Rei and Darien walked in a gentle and unassuming silence until they reached the park. It was a cheery day; the trees were lush and rich with leaves that bowed slightly to the wind. They grew densely together, and their tips reached ambitiously for the sky. Spring had become an olfactory experience and the world was being reborn. The air was clear like water and as fresh as new rain. Cherry blossoms overwhelmed them with sweetness as an arching branch from a nearby tree dipped into their path. The wind pulled away a few blossoms, tossing them delicately onto Darien's shoulder. With a quick movement, Rei brushed it away. He looked at her as she neared the lake. He could not help admiring her dark, sleek hair curved around her body, the grace with which she moved, her slight air of reserve and spirituality. he thought. He didn't know quite what to make of that. There was a small, simple bench where the paved path ended, and they sat down on the smooth slats of wood. Startled, Rei realized where they were. The lake unfolded like a scroll in front of her, tiny ripples glinting like coins in a fountain as the sun hit them. The city peeked its head above the skyline and the bushes. A breeze off the water caressed her face and she turned to Darien. "Do you remember the day when we took the rowboat out on this lake, Darien?" "Of course I remember," he said with a slight smile, images of deranged crows filling his mind. That was a pleasant memory. He wanted to make more of those. Rei looked nervous for a moment. Few things could fluster her, but apparently he was one of them. "That was one of the best times I remember having, Darien. So were most of the times I had when I was with you," she said, avoiding his gaze. He said nothing. "And then, of course, we found out about the past life you had with Serena. And it was over. I was able to live with that, with losing you, because I lost you to my friend. Because I cared about you both, it was like I was giving you to each other, at least in my mind. I wanted you both to be happy." She looked up at him. "Did she make you happy, Darien?" He absorbed her statement for a moment, and drenched in emotion, he tried to think of his answer. He did not want to answer her honesty with a lie. She deserved more than that. "Yes. She made me very happy, if only for a little while." "I knew she would," said Rei. "And now? She's not enough to make you happy anymore?" Darien shook his head, as though by shaking it he could free it from its problems. Rei continued. "Serena was going absolutely crazy when we were together, even though she totally denied it. She hid in the bushes and watched us in the rowboat!" "Seriously?" "Seriously. But didn't you realize that? Her heart was always with you, even though she didn't recognize it." he thought. "And she still cares for you now, despite the way you're treating her," said Rei, anticipating his thoughts. "Can you ever remember a time when she wasn't there for you? You have both proved so many times that you're willing to give up anything, even die for each other. You have never, *ever* failed each other before. And now you're abandoning her." Her voice seemed pained with what it had to admit. "I know you still love her. You and Serena are linked on so many levels, I don't think you can survive apart. You might think you have your reasons, but as far as I'm concerned, they're *just* *not* *good* *enough*. You are destined to be with her." Darien thought about that for a second. "Are you trying to convince me, or yourself with that speech? And what if my reasons ARE good enough?" "Then you have to face the fact that you'll never be able to be with Serena again, and you will never again have the kind of love you had with her." "..." He hadn't thought about that... hadn't dealt with it yet. The finality of the statement collided brutally with him. Never. He'd always thought that somewhere, sometime in the future, things would somehow mend themselves. Could he conclude that he must forgo her until the day he died? he thought, trying to control his reaction, but undeniably in quiet agony. Rei put her hand on his shoulder. Serena he had loved with a purity. She was still so much an innocent. Why did Rei seem like so much more of a woman to him? While he knew Serena loved him deeply, Rei *desired* him. She wanted him more than anyone ever had, and he knew it. He admired her intensity, her spirit, her passion for life and all things. "I can go on without Serena. It doesn't mean I could never love again," he said insistently. "I can tell when you lie to me, and you're lying to me everytime you pretend it doesn't kill you to say her name! You know that the emptiness inside you is never going to disappear! You know you want to be with her again!" said Rei, her voice becoming louder. "Is that what you want? Deep down, do you *want* me to be back with her?" asked Darien, his eyes never leaving her. She felt lost inside his eyes, unwilling to give herself over to them and unwilling to leave them. They were a hypnotic shade of sapphire that began to test the waters of her own eyes. She was so attracted to him it felt as if a cord inside her had been drawn taut. Every ounce of her being told her to seize the opportunity, to grasp it with both hands. All his tenderness and strength and love dangled like ambrosia over her head. She imagined being in his arms, on his lips, beneath his touch. She felt like he had become her center of gravity, and resisting him was almost painful. Her senses ached for him... and then she came back to her senses. Darien did not see the explosion of feeling across her face. he told himself again. He decided to say it out loud. "Never..." "... is a long time to live a lie!" she shouted, becoming angry, at whom she did not know. Darien looked frustrated for a moment, and then he set his jaw determinedly. he told himself. "How do you know what I feel?" he asked Rei. "Serena is your friend and you're trying to help her, but you have to accept what she and I had is over. I have to move on, and so do you! Why won't you allow yourself to consider that? It's not betraying her to acknowledge that I feel how I say I feel. It's not betraying her to acknowledge that you feel something too." "Maybe if you keep saying it, you'll eventually believe it. But you'll never fool yourself into loving me." A blush crept on her cheek, and her voice began to crack. Her heart broke a thousand times in her eyes as she looked at him. "I want to believe it, but I can't! You have a void in your soul and you're trying to fill it with *me*. And I'm not enough." A tear unrolled like a streamer down her cheek. "You and I are something that might have been if Serena didn't exist. But a world without her, a world where you loved me, wouldn't be worth living in. I care about her more than I can admit, I can't stand watching her suffer! It is so clear that what you're doing is wrong." Darien did not respond, not wanting to know any more. Rei continued. He had to face up this. "I can live without you! I can do that. But I can't live knowing you're both in pain. And I can't take that pain away, and you can't hide it in me! I'm not going to deny that I love you! There. I love you with all my heart. Enough to know your love with her surpasses everything. Serena is an extension of your soul, and you're a FOOL to throw that away." Darien looked at her, his concern causing him to consider her words. Was she right? Did he just want to block out his pain in her arms? Was he turning to her because he had no one else? If that was true, it wasn't fair to anyone, especially Rei. He looked at her, her usually tough exterior shattered as she could no longer restrain her emotions, on the verge of weeping. he thought. He had brought her to tears, with his denials and his obstinance and his lies. He had dangled the sweet impossible as a possibility within her reach, knowing she would never allow herself to take it. Even now, through her anguish, she was trying to make him understand. he thought. "Whatever has led you to do this, whatever has forced you to leave Serena must be strong," Rei said, trying to regain her composure. "You have to think its too strong to fight, or you never would have broken up with Serena. You have to have doubted your love, thought you could not overcome it together. So I'll tell you what I told Serena: Have a little faith! Your love can defeat anything. The danger to either of you comes only when you're apart." She was too emotionally drained to continue to argue with him. She leaned back on the bench and shut her eyes. she prayed. They sat in silence. Darien rested his forehead on his hands, as the wind and his thoughts swirled around him. Was she right? Just as she had not wanted to consider betraying Serena, he did not want to consider going back to her. He had ingrained the thought in his mind that being with her would bring her harm. Still, he wanted to believe that their love could withstand this. If he didn't believe in Serena and what he had with her, what could he believe in? Maybe... he thought, he could go back to her. It was almost too wonderful to imagine. Just entertaining the thought gave him new hope. He and Serena could get through this, and they would do it together! He didn't need to doubt her, and he never would again. This time, it would be different and he would cherish every moment of it. If it wasn't too late. If Serena hadn't given up on him, he could have a second chance. Rei looked up, and saw the look in his eyes. She had seen it enough times to read what he was feeling. An incredible relief flooded her, but also a cold rush of regret. "Rei, about Serena..." "Yes?" "She's extremely lucky to have a friend like you. You said exactly what I needed to hear. Especially knowing how you feel... I know that was hard for you." He put his hand on her shoulder. "Thank you." "Where does this leave us now?" asked Rei, looking very small and sad on the park bench. "Friends. Friendship is a bond too. Just because I have one kind of love for Serena doesn't mean I can't have another for you. Don't think that you'll lose me after this. I could never lose a friend like you again." He saw the hurt ready to pour openly from her eyes. Her face crumpled like paper in front of him. "Shh... don't cry," said Darien. He walked close to her and held her. She felt no passion in the embrace, only comfort. It was the kind of comfort a lover's touch cannot give, the kind that comes only from a friend. "Rei, I just want to tell you, I'm sorry. I know how much this hurt you. I never meant to put you through that and I never should have." She dried her eyes and released him. "No, I think maybe this was something that had to happen. There's a reason for everything, even though sometimes we can't understand it." She thought for a moment. "But... will you do something to make it up to me?" "Anything," he said sincerely. Rei looked up at him. "Go to her." ************************************************************** "Serena..." Luna began. There was no answer. "Serena," she said again. A fingernail tapping was her only reply. "*SERENA*!!" she yelled, exasperated. Serena finally looked up, her gaze shaken from its object of intense fixation. "Huh? What?" she said, looking to Luna. "You've been waiting by the phone the entire day. You realize he may not call," she said as kindly as possible. "You're wrong, Luna! I know what I felt, what he felt. I saw it in his eyes. He's coming back to me." A breeze, off the ocean, moved her curtains in front of her open window. Luna walked away resignedly. There would be no arguing with her over this. She was absolutely adamant in her certainty. Luna just hoped she wouldn't be terribly disappointed. Serena returned to staring at the phone, preparing for its ring, and dreaming. Outside her window, below on the sidewalk, stood Rei. The wind tossed her hair around her like flames. She saw Serena's shadow against the curtain, still and motionless. A sound came from Serena's door, a soft knock. She got to her feet, and stalked to the door. "Luna, I'm not going to doubt him! I'm not giving up on him. Not today, not in a million years! Never!" She threw open the door. No one was there. Then she noticed something at her feet and she bent to pick it up. It was red rose. She stood up again, and suddenly he was there in front of her. Darien. "Never is a long time to wait," he said softly. Her eyes disbelieving but desperately trusting, she threw herself into his arms, almost throwing him off balance. She wrapped her own arms around him like it was her last moment on Earth. He held her, and the wave of rapture that rolled over him told him that this was a feeling more certain and right than most people would ever know. Serena held herself against him tightly, refusing to release him. They moved farther into her room, closing the door behind them. Darien lifted her chin to look at him, assuring her that he would not disappear from her arms. He leaned toward her, kissing her. They were together once again, blessedly complete, as though they had been half-people and were now whole. They functioned as one, one body, one mind and one heart. Rei watched the two silhouettes kiss, and she knew at once they were undeniably right. The shadows shimmered across the luster of the filmy curtains. Tears threatened her eyes, a multitude of emotions drawing them out. She stopped, deciding she had already given them too many. She would save the rest of her tears for herself. The wind tossed her hair, and she turned, walking away down the sidewalk. The street was empty and desolate. She grew smaller as she walked into the distance. The wind whispered comforting things to her, but she could not hear them. She heard her own voice instead, echoing back inside her head. <"...there's a reason for everything..."> Her pain began to dissipate as she walked farther and farther away, and a calmness spread across her like sunlight. <"...even though we can't understand it..."> The wind pulled cherry blossoms off a tree and scattered them upon her. She walked on, the cherry blossoms falling to the sidewalk and sweeping away. She disappeared over the hill, headed back to the temple. She felt closer to him than ever, and secure in the knowledge that she had done what was right for the people she cared for the most. she thought. Things were finally in blessed balance again, and she gave up her dreams of Darien freely to Serena, who she knew could love him as she could not. She still believed Darien. She believed that he would remain an essential part of her life. He would never remain distant after they had shared so much of themselves, and she would never lose him. You can never lose a friend by giving them back their faith.