Hey guys!  Well, it looks like this is going to be
a long one this time.  Not too long, but I have a lot I want
to put into this and it should take me at least a week or
so to think of everything, so since I'm going to be
concentrating mainly on this story for a while don't expect
any more of my work out for a time after this is released.

        Anyway, I'm gonna keep the Author's Notes short
so here is everything you need to know:

        This story takes place during the R season of Sailor
Moon, I'm using the North American names, it's in the first
person, and this is almost like a sequel to my other story
"Love and Pain: The Hardships of Life."

        There you go!  I hope you enjoy reading this!

        By the way, this is rated PG for some slight
cursing and some rather morbid scenes.  Remember, you have
been warned.

        And now, here's the story!


                          Forever Alone
                             By: Jade

        The howling wind blows madly, whipping my tangled,
golden hair, about me so much it stings my face, leaving
faint marks, as they fly out, two longs trails of sunlight
in the eternal black of terror of the night.

        The moon is high in the starry sky, though
scattered, intermittent clouds obscure most of it from my
sight.  A few rays peek through here and there.  And a few
times, more often than not, they shine down on me, catching
my eyes in their light, nearly blinding me and causing them
to shine like diamonds.

        My face is pale, though, and not nearly as
illuminating as my eyes.  I look and feel as though I
haven't slept for weeks, I know, and my complexion only
further proves that.  In truth, I have had many hours sleep
this night, although it was not of my own free will. I hit my
head pretty hard when I smashed into that concrete wall, and
I wonder if I have a concussion, because right now my head is
literally throbbing.  But this is no time to think of such
things, not when someone's life hangs in the balance, and not
when it's my responsibility to save them.

        I stare at the person in front of me, my soft blue
eyes like Heaven compared to Hell when you peer into the
burning red depths of the glowing orbs that are his eyes.
His dark hair is like fire, especially when set in front
of the black sky.  His face is dark, and full of menace as
he looks at me, so many unspoken words and threats in his
eyes.  He is smiling as well, his lips curving dangerously
at me, in contempt and disgust.

        I shiver, and it is not from the cold

        I hold my scepter out in front of me, though my
hand is shaking.  I am ready for anything, or so I think,
and the man standing before me narrows his eyes in my
direction.  The magic weapon clasped in my hands, however,
does not lower to his gaze.

        He had ordered me to set it on the ground, to put
it down and kick it over towards him.... or someone would
get hurt, and that someone would undoubtedly be the girl he
is holding in front of him.  The one he is using as a
shield, the one who is stopping me from destroying my
enemy.  The one that I know as one of my dearest friends.

        No... she's more than a friend, much more.  We've
been *best* friends ever since grade school, even before
that, and she's become something of a sister to me.  Much
like Raye is, only not as deep, or maybe it is, perhaps
it's even deeper.  Perhaps not.  But if I don't do as the
man says, I know I will never find out.  Still, I do not
lower my scepter, for fear he will kill the girl either
way.  It would not be beyond him to do so.  No, far from
it.  I believe that he *will* do it if I do drop my
weapon and so I do not.

        "I'm not joking," the man says, and his voice
reminds me of an evil snake, or some sort of demonic being,
as does his face, and everything else about him.  But it's
not his voice that scares me, nor is it anything about him
that might scare any other *normal* person.  It's not his
eyes, nor his mouth, or face, or even his unusual attire.
It's not anything like that at all.  In fact, the average
person would find what terrifies me so, probably laughable,
but I don't.

        It is the symbol on his forehead that terrifies me,
terrifies me to the point of tears, that scares me so much
my legs wobble and my knees feel weak, that frightens me
until I can no longer speak.  The symbol I have come to
know , screams danger in every degree.

        A black, upside down, crescent moon.  The symbol
of the Dark Moon family.

        A symbol which echoes my nightmares.

        "Put it down."  He says again, and pulls the girl
in front of him closer still.  But I hesitate.  Without my
scepter I will be defenseless.  I cannot use the crystal
that lies inside my broach without taking the time to
transform into my princess self and power-up.  By that
time, I know, he will have killed the girl in front him,
my very dearest friend.

        Behind me I can hear the Scouts and Tuxedo Mask
shouting at me not to do it.  The scepter is your only
chance, they say, you have to use it.  But I cannot.
Anymore than the Scouts can attack right now.  The man
holding my friend has created an energy field around us, a
shield, and the Scouts are locked out.  But even if they
were in here, I know they would never use their attacks,
for fear of hurting the girl.  And they expect me to do it.
That has got to be the most incredibly stupid, hypocritical
thing any of them has ever said or asked of me.  I wouldn't
fire even if I knew it would destroy the man, because if it
did, I know it would destroy my friend as well.  Either
that, or the man would kill her himself, and what he would
do to her would be far worse than what my scepter could ever
do.

        I look desperately to the girl for help, staring
into her dark green eyes deeply, seeking something, even
though I don't know what.

        Perhaps it is the answer to what I should do, or
rather what I shouldn't do.  Perhaps it is forgiveness for
getting her into this mess.  Maybe it's a little of both.

        The girl's red hair matches the man's as he holds
her to him, tightly, a knife to her neck and an arm wrapped
around her waist, pinning her arms to her sides, to keep
her from moving or trying to escape his grasp.  Why he chose
a knife of all things is beyond me, but I suppose it doesn't
really matter.  It is just as effective as, if not more so
than, any of his evil powers.

        And Rubius, after all, is very evil, and very cruel.

        The girl stares back at me, and surprisingly, her
eyes are quite calm and collected considering her
predicament.  She knows what will happen if I do lower my
scepter, and she knows what will happen if I don't, yet her
eyes are blank and flat, the forest green orbs that normally
twinkle with happiness or annoyance telling me nothing and
everything at the same time, are without light.  She knows
what will happen tonight, even if I do not, and she is
resigned to what must be.  She knows what I will do, because
she knows me so well, and she knows what the man holding her
will do because she knows my enemies well.  She knows much,
almost as much as I do, about what is going on and why, but
her eyes are neither frightened by what she knows, nor
happy, they aren't even sad.  They are neutral, and I can't
read them very well, but I do know what she is trying to
tell me with her carefully emotionless gaze.  I know her
well enough to read her mind almost, just as she can do with
me.

        She is telling me it is my decision to make, and
mine alone.

        I have to make a choice.  Either lower my scepter
and risk the girl's death, and her life, or keep my scepter
level and aimed at my foe, probably sealing the girl's fate
immediately.

        It is not a hard choice to make.  Not for me at
least.

        I drop the scepter, and everything that happens
after that, happens all at once, in a rush, in a jumble,
and all of it together is nearly too much for me to handle.

        Rubius smiles.

        The girl closes her eyes.

        The Scouts scream.

        Tuxedo Mask beats on the shield.

        The wind howls.

        The night darkens.

        The stars dim.

        I cry.

        Everyone was counting on me, especially my friend,
the one Rubius holds, and now I know, I *realize* too late,
that I have made a fatal mistake in listening to my hopeful
and lying heart, in dropping my weapon and therefore giving
up my only insurance for the girl's life.  It is a literally
*fatal* mistake.

        The knife is drawn across the girl's neck quickly,
before I can even make a move to stop it, and as I watch,
horrified, my dearest friend's life's blood pours from the
wound like running water from a faucet.  The red matches her
hair.  It matches Rubius's eyes.  It matches my state of
mind.

        "No!"  I cry and lunge forward, wanting nothing
more than to seal Rubius's fate as he has my friends.
Wanting to rip his heart out for this, wanting to kill
him, wanting to destroy him, wanting to watch him die....
because I know, even though it is not something most
teenage girls would think about, or ever want to know, that
within seconds my friend will die.  Her chances of survival
after this are less than slim at best, and I believe that
the amount of blood she has lost already would be enough to
kill even a Sailor Scout.  Even me.  And that in itself is
a deadly thought.

        But I am too late.  Rubius disappears, leaving only
the girl, the bloody knife, and the pool of thick red blood
gathering around her, as evidence that he was ever here.

        "No!"  I scream again as I hit the ground where
Rubius had been.  My hands curl into fists, so tight my
knuckles turn white, and I have an uncontrollable urge to
hit something.  To break something.  To destroy
something... anything.  To kill...

        A gurgling, choking noise from my side makes me look
up and all my fury, anger, rage, and madness all melt away,
into eternal terror, into horror, into tears of pain, and
misery, of sadness... and insanity.  It is the girl beside
me who has brought me out of my dark thoughts of revenge,
and destruction, it was she who made the noise, and she is
looking at me now, one hand to her neck, pressing against
the wound there and the other reaching out in my
direction, as if to pull me closer, as if to touch me.
This girl... this very, very special girl who I care for,
this girl who I cry for, this girl who I love, this
girl.... who I know is dying.

        I rush to her side, somewhat unsteadily and fall
to my knees beside her, hearing them crack as they hit the
solid floor beneath me.  Her blood has already formed a
huge puddle around her and as I sink to my knees I can
feel the thick streaming liquid soaking into my skin and
boots.

        I don't notice for I don't care.

        "No!  Please, you.... you can't.  You can't....
please, you... can't.... No!"  I whisper, or maybe I shout
it, I don't know, and it doesn't matter.  All that matters
is that my friend is dying.  My dearest friend.  A friend
that I have laughed with, cried with, talked with, walked
with, played with, and even fought with many times over.
A friend who I have also lied to again, and again, and
again....

        "Molly?"

        And it is Molly.  The same Molly who fell in love
with Maxfield Stanton, a.k.a. Nephlite, the same Molly the
Negaverse has attacked many times over, the same Molly who
is dating Melvin, the school nerd, the same Molly who has
been my best friend for as long as I can remember....

        The same Molly who is dying.

        "No!"  I whisper harshly, brokenly.  "No!  No,
you..... I... No!  God, please no!  It... it can't end like
this.  It's not supposed to happen this way!  You're not
supposed to die!  You can't die!  You can't, you hear me?!
You can't!... I won't let you die!!"  But my tirade is cut
short as Molly reaches up and places one finger over my
lips, silencing me instantly.  She blinks at me, as if just
waking from a deep sleep, and noticing me for the first
time, but I know it will be the other way around.  She is
not waking from a deep sleep, but falling into one.  A very
deep sleep.  One she will never wake from, ever, *ever*
again...

        "I," she whispers, dropping her hand slowly, leaving
a trail of blood down my chin, and on my lips and face.
"I... forgive..."  But she cannot finish, because a dark
red liquid has begun to invade her mouth and is spilling
over the sides of her lips.  I begin to cry again, salty
tears running down my face and mixing with the blood on my
chin and lips.  The taste is awful.  I am surprised she
could talk at all though.  Perhaps there is still a chance
for her.  The knife has cut her deeply, but it hasn't cut
her enough to sever her vocal cords.  My mind leaps with
the idea, hope swelling inside my chest like a balloon, but
then it falls again, because I know, even though I am not a
doctor of any kind, that the amount of blood she has lost
is more than any one person can stand to lose.  It has
already covered us both from nearly head to toe and she is
choking on it as she tries, futilely, to draw a breath of
air.

        "No, please, Molly.... you can't die... You can't...
leave me all alone.  You can't...."  By now I am shaking
violently as bitter tears run down my face in rivers,
washing away the blood, but creating new tracks of endless
salty oceans.  "You can't..."

        But she will.  I know, though I can't accept the
horrible truth right now, that Molly will leave me, Molly,
my dear friend Molly, who was the only person in the world
who could ever hope to understand me.  The real me, and
all the hurt I keep bottled up inside.  The Scouts could
never understand, because they have never felt the pain I
have, many times over in my life, though, no one must ever
know it.  But Molly does, and Darien, but Darien no longer
wants to be with me as my boyfriend... or even as a friend,
so it's best just not to think about him.  But Molly..
dear Molly, she understood everything.  Because she alone
had experienced what I have.  Love, pain, death, and
heartbreak.  All because of the Negaverse.  All because
of one general.  All because of her feelings for him.  All
because of me.

        All because of *me*.

        I can still remember her words to me, those words
she spoke so long ago in a fit of rage and soul searing
agony.  They were imprinted on my mind that night she
shouted them at me, like a blow, and they will stay with
me forever.

        *FLASHBACK*

        "Why!?!  Why?!  Why weren't you here!?  You could
have saved him!!  But you didn't!  Did you really hate him
that much?!  He wasn't like you think!  He was kind and
gentle!  How could you let him die?!?!  How?!  I hate
you!!!"

        *END FLASHBACK*

        That was from the night her one true love died.
Sure, I know Molly cares for Melvin, but she could never
love another man like she did Nephlite, second general of
the Negaverse.

        And now the Negaverse has hurt her again, as they
always have, only the Negaverse never actually caused any
deaths when they were around.  They drained people, pure
and simple, but they never harmed them beyond that, never
slit their throats as Rubius has just done to Molly.
Never.... *killed* anyone.  Even the Negaverse never sunk
*that* low.  But it appears that the Negamoon is not
anything like the Negaverse.  They are both evil, but
beyond that they are very different entities.  I'm
beginning to think they're willing to do *anything* to get
what they want.  *Anything*.  And the ironic thing about
this whole Negamoon situation is; I honestly don't know
what they want.

        They wish to capture Reeny, that much I know, that
much is obvious, but what they want her for is something that
has yet to be revealed to me or the Scouts.  Reeny seems to
know, but she won't speak of it, not even to Darien, and
because of that I know it must be important indeed.  Those
two are as close as two people their ages can be.  Almost as
close Darien and I once were.  I really wish Reeny would
speak to me and tell me what she knows about the Negamoon.
Perhaps if she had then this whole terrible incident could
have been avoided.  But I know better than to blame that
little spore for this tragedy.  It isn't worth it anyway.

        I watch Molly for a moment as she tries vainly to
try and draw deep breaths of air, she feels as though she is
drowning, I know, but she cannot draw more than half a
breath at the most.  She cannot breath enough to live for more
than two more minutes, I know this for a fact.  It is a sad
fact, but a fact all the same.

        Slowly my eyes glaze over and a foggy mist invades
my mind, and I travel back in my memories, to how this
all started....  Had it only been earlier this day?  Only a
few hours ago when this all started?  When this never ending
ride of horror began.  Surely it must be longer.

        But no.  It has only been a short time since....
since... well, since Rubius almost killed me and kidnapped
Molly.  Dear, special Molly.

        We had been sitting in class she and I, gossiping
over the latest news, which happened to be on a new girl
who'd just registered at the school today.  She sounded a
lot like Lita, in the sense that she got in a lot of
fights, and I was going to make it a point to get to know
her, just as I always do to those who don't have a lot of
friends.  Just like Lita, Amy, Raye, and Mina.  They have all
told me, in their own ways that life just wouldn't be life
without me.  Well, that's exactly how I feel about them, and
I know that they know it.  And that's exactly how I feel
about Molly, and I hope to God that she knows it.

        I'd been just about to invite her along with me and
the girls for a milkshake after school at the arcade, but the
sudden crashing of a glass window nearby effectively stopped
me.  We both jerked around in our seats, looking to where
the sound had come from, only to turn around as quick as we
could again as we saw the shards of flying glass heading for
us.  However, I was the one sitting behind Molly and the
window had shattered behind us, so I got the worst of it, not
that I wouldn't have tried to shield her from it anyway.

        It wasn't all that painful, but as I turned around
when I was sure no more glass was going to hit me in the
face, I reached up to my head and realized that a lot of the
glass had gotten into my hair.  I tried to carefully remove
some of the bigger pieces from my golden tresses, but it
didn't help. Pain slowly crept it's way into my senses and I
tried not to wince as I continued with my painful work.  Man,
that stuff could really sting when it got stuck in your hand!
It sliced into my palms cruelly, unmercifully, and streaks of
blood ran from my hands and into my blond hair.  The effect
was somewhat... creative.

        Dazed and confused, I could hear loud screams
surrounding me from all directions, sounding near and far,
close and distant.  My classmates were all panicking and
running from the room for some reason that my blurry mind
couldn't fathom at that moment.  However it quickly jumped
back into motion as I too launched to my feet, fully
intending to run from the classroom and out of the school,
but for altogether different reasons than the others had.

        There, standing in a pile of shattered glass, his red
hair the color of my hands at the moment, stood Rubius,
sneering evilly as he always was, and wearing the same
clothes he always wore.  And ridiculously, my first thought
was somewhere along the lines of,  <That guy needs a new
wardrobe!>

        And then I was moving, and so was Rubius, and to the
complete surprise of both of us, we were both moving in
exactly the same direction.  Towards Molly.

        I reached her first and managed to impose myself
between the red-haired, evil man and my best friend.  He
did not appreciate me getting in his way.

        "And just who are you?"  Was the question he asked
me, halting only feet away from touching me, his eyes and
face unconcerned.  He obviously didn't think me anything of
a threat.  And why should he?  I knew in my normal everyday
form he could drain me or knock me aside with barely a
thought, and I took it as a good sign that he hadn't, didn't
do so, upon sighting me.

        I shouldn't have.

        I should have just transformed in front of him - to
Hell with anyone who saw me! - and used every ounce of
power I had against him, to defeat him.  Maybe then the tragic
event that was to take place after that could have been
avoided.

        But I didn't transform, and I didn't use every ounce
of power I could against him, and that is why Molly is dying
now.

        "I'm-"  I had paused, stopping myself just short of
telling him my secret identity, and collected my thoughts as
best I could standing only about two feet away from one of
the most evil people I'd ever know.  It was hard to resist
the urge to shout my normal Scout speech at him.  After all,
I'd never run into Rubius in my normal form and whenever I
ran into him in my Scout form I always gave my normal
youma speech.  Old habits die hard.

        Perhaps I shouldn't have used the word *die*.

        "I'm nobody," I said finally and his eyebrows went
up, as though he hadn't been expecting that answer, and he
hadn't.  "Why do you want to know, and what do you want
with my friend?"

        He narrowed his eyes at me now, his brow furrowing
and his lips drawing into a tight line at the bluntness of
the questions.  I immediately knew that he was already
beginning to get annoyed with me.

        "That information is none of your concern.  Now, step
aside, child and get out of my way!"  He took a step forward
menacingly and I automatically took a step back.  It was
instinct, nothing more, but Rubius's eyes narrowed further as
he saw me stay where I was, only moving back that one step,
but not stepping aside in any way.

        And now I was also beginning to get angry.  I despise
being called a child or a baby.  I am, after all, almost one
thousand years old, although I definitely don't look it.
But that is because for the better part of those years I was
in an eternal sleep.  But I still despise the name all the
more.

        "Move!" he growled and stared me down until my knees
were weak and I felt as though they would buckle at any
moment.  My anger vanished in an instant, as quickly as it
came, and it was replaced with even more fear and terror.

        The Dark Moon symbol on his forehead was glowing the
color of ebony, dark power swirling around him in waves,
making me cringe at the extreme evil, but then I straightened
putting steel in my neck, forcing myself to look up at him and
not flinch away.  And looking straight at him, right into his
face and glowing eyes, I said quietly,  "No."

        The refusal threw him off, actually floored him, and
he moved back a step or two, confused, but he wouldn't be
confused for long.  He hadn't been expecting what I'd said, I
know.  He'd been expecting me to cower, to cry, and then run
in fear of him, like all the others had, but I won't.  Never.
I won't let him hurt Molly as long as I live.

        That was a promise I made to myself at that moment,
but it was also a promise I couldn't keep.  I knew it, but
that didn't stop me from making it.  Now, I sort of wish I
hadn't.  Because that promise is only another of the things
to add to the list of things I've lied to myself, to my
family, and to Molly about.  Because you see, you should
never make promises.  Never.  And do you know why?  It's
because of the fact, the very real, if somewhat unbelievable
fact, that promises are made to broken.

        Rubius stared at me for a few moments, sizing me up,
before bringing himself back up to his full height and
towering over me again.  I still refused to move.  He chuckled
quietly to himself, the sound like nails on a chalkboard to my
ears.  Then he moved closer to me, and unexpectedly he
grabbed my chin and brought my face within inches of his
own.  He stared me right in the eyes, the fiery red depths of
his eyes burning holes into mine.

        "You know," he said at last, talking to himself more
than to me and releasing my chin, to my relief.  "We might be
able to use you when we take over Earth.  Prince Diamond
would be pleased to have someone like you in the ranks."
And here he smiled, causing a chill to run up my spine, both
with the quirk of his lips and his next words.  "I think I'll
keep you alive... for now."

        And that is all I remember for a while.  As far as I
or anyone else knows I was blown into the far wall of the
classroom and when I came to, I was in the hospital, on a
monitoring bed.  My friends were with me, others from my
school were there, and more than half of the school had been
destroyed.  It was nighttime now, and Molly was missing,
presumed kidnapped.  And all of this had happened in the
space of... what, four or five hours?  Incredible what you
can do when you have nearly insurmountable power, isn't it?

        My first instinct had been to curl up into a fetal
position and cry my eyes out.  What on Earth was Rubius
going to do with Molly?!  What did he want from her?!  Was
he going to hurt her?

        I had felt hopeless.  But as usual, my friends had
tried to lift my spirits by saying things like, 'Molly will
be all right' or 'I'm sure everything'll work out' or 'Don't
cry, Serena', and Mina even said that they'd go look for her
if I thought I'd be able to stay alone.  It was this last
suggestion that stopped my tears before they could start.
Look for Molly?  Yes!  I had to look for her!  I knew the
Scouts would never find her, not if Rubius had her, and
some odd, detached part of myself whispered quietly in the
back of my head, 'Only you can find her!'  And for some
reason, whatever it was, I believed it.  I had to!

        I had gotten up, and dressed quickly, ignoring any
pain I felt while doing so, my only thoughts of Molly, all
alone with that... that... first grade Bastard!

        The doctors had tried to stop me of course, as had
my friends, and I was glad my parents weren't there to make
a scene.  They were visiting relatives in Canada.  They had
left Sammy, Reeny, and me with friends at the house.  Sammy
was at the hospital right then, sitting on one of the
waiting sofa's and looking on as though nothing were wrong
with me, but I knew he was worried, I could see it in his
eyes, especially when I ran past him while I was trying to
get away from the scouts.  Reeny was sitting beside him and
I couldn't see her expression but I hoped that she was at
least a little worried about.  I'd hate to think I didn't
mean anything to the little spore.

        Everyone who'd been trying to stop me had been
saying something about my having gotten a hard hit on the
head, but I ignored every word that was directed at me.  I
was determined, and when I'm determined nothing gets in my
way.  Nothing!

        Actually, the scouts did get in my way, and almost
succeeded in making me stay at the hospital too, but when
all of them had lunged for me at once in a last ditch
effort to keep me there, when reasoning didn't work, one of
them, or maybe it was all of them, had hit me on the head
and I'd cried out in pain as agony lanced through my already
bleeding head.  The scouts had all scrammbled off of me and
had backed off, as though afraid they'd do more damage if
they got too close to me and I took advantage of the room
they gave me as I recovered from the pain their attempts to
stop me had caused.  I don't remember which scout it was
that I knocked over, but I think it was Mina, as I made a
run for it in the direction I'd been trying to run in before
the scouts had stopped me.

        I was barely a few corners ahead of them when I felt
them begin to give chase.

        I found Molly's mother just coming up the hospital
stairs as I ran through the white hallways, the Scouts all
vainly trying to catch up with me.  I could run pretty fast
when I wanted to.  I had a righteous headache, but as I
said, I was determined that I find and save my friend, and
nothing in the whole world would stop me.

        That was what I thought at the time.

        I had taken the stairs in hopes that the Scouts
would think I'd taken the elevator and I could lose them,
and when I passed the red-haired woman I'd met thousands of
time over the years, ever since my friendship with Molly had
begun, I barely recognized her.

        Her normally neatly kept hair was in disarray, all
of it gathered into a messy ponytail that just made it look
all the more tangled.  She had dark black bags under her
red eyes, puffy from crying, and instead of wearing a dress
or any of the normal clothes she wore she was wearing
simple nightclothes, smeared with dirt.  She must have
traveled here in them.  She didn't recognize me either.  I
had to touch her arm before she even turned and when she
did I saw that her once bright eyes, bright like Molly's,
were dull and flat now, no spark existed in them at all, but
as she turned to me, concern filled them and I imagined I
must have looked pretty bad for her to notice my appearance
in her state.

        "Serena!" she cried, shocked.  "What happened to
you?"

        I opened my mouth, wanting to answer her truthfully,
but I couldn't.  What should I tell her?  That I'd tried to
save her daughter, tried to shield her, tried to protect
her, just as I'd promised I would do, and failed miserably?

        I wasn't given the time to answer her question though
because I could hear the voices of the Scouts coming from
above and I knew they were coming down the stairs.  So
instead of answering the woman directly I leapt at her and
hugged her fiercely.

        "I'm sorry," I whispered, concentrating on what
needed to be said, and how much closer the Scouts were
getting at the same time.  She pulled back and away from me,
just enough to look into my sorrow ridden eyes.  She
began to cry softly as she asked, her voice pitiful, "Sorry
for what?"

        The Scouts were getting closer by the minute.  I
could feel it as much as I could hear it, but I needed to
tell her, needed to say something to explain *why* I had a
reason to be sorry.  Why Molly was with that monster right
now, and why it wasn't me.

        "For not being able to save her."  I whispered
quietly, tears beginning to fall from my eyes as she stared
at me, still weeping.   "For not being there for her.  For
not being strong enough.  For failing..."  My voice broke
there and I couldn't stop the tears from trailing down my
face, but when she reached forward as if to draw me into
another hug, I pulled away.  The Scouts were only two floors
above us and I had the feeling two of them were riding the
elevator, trying to beat me to the door while the other two
forced me down.  I couldn't let them box me in.  I knew I had
to end this now.  Right now.

        She looked at me again, confused by my pulling back,
and as I heard the Scouts begin to descend the last flight of
stairs that would bring them to the level I was on, I leaned
up and whispered in Molly's mother's ear.  "I will bring her
back to you.. for you.... and for me.  I promise."  And then
I was gone from her sight, running rapidly down the several
flights of stairs that lead to the main lobby.

        As I told you before, promises are things a person
should never make.  One can never seem to keep them.

        I reached the door to the lobby at exactly the same
moment Raye and Mina walked out of the elevator about ten
feet away from me.  I saw them before they saw me and as
soon as they set one foot out of the elevator doors I bolted
for the exit and made it out just as Lita and Amy emerged
from the same door I'd come out of.  The two pairs ofSscouts
collided and fell to the ground in a heap.  Even in such a
serious situation I could barely suppress a giggle at the
sight of four teenage girls, all lying on the floor of the
hospital, dazed and disoriented, and very, very angry.

        I stepped out of the hospital and began to move
towards the far street, still suppressing giggles.

        My humor disappeared immediately though as I ran into
someone bigger, taller, and much stronger than the Scouts.

        "Serena?  What are you doing out here?  I thought you
were in the hospital?"

        I swallowed once, moistening my suddenly dry throat.
Why did he have to show up now?  I took in and let out a
deep breath of cool night air and managed to keep my voice
even and steady as I said quietly,  "Hello, Darien."

        He nodded at the name, his face and eyes carefully
blank as I looked up at him, wanting to throw my arms
around him and hug the living daylights out of him, but he
wouldn't want that.  He would have not too long ago, but not
now.  No, now we were separated he and I, and it was right at
the one point in my life that I needed him there for me most,
that he couldn't be there.  And the worst part was; he hadn't
even given me a reason why.  I thought I deserved one, but
maybe he didn't.  Either way, it hurt me more than almost
anything in the world to know that I loved him with all my
heart, always had, always would, but he couldn't care less
about my feelings and didn't give a damn about me.

        "Well?"  He asked me, his face still blank, like a
marble block carved into the shape of a face, and Darien's
eyes, like iron masks, were beginning to look a touch annoyed
as I remained silent.  He opened his mouth, preparing to ask
me a third time what I was doing out here when suddenly a
female voice interrupted him.

        "Darien!  Grab Serena!  Don't let her get away!"
Darien looked towards the hospital exit, as did I, and there
we saw all four Scouts, still in civilian form, running
towards us, flapping their arms frantically as they saw me
start to edge away from Darien, towards the shadows of the
hospital and out of sight.  His hand taking hold of my arm
stopped me, however.

        "Serena?  Where are you going?  Why are you out of the
hospital?  What's going on here?"  I looked up at him for a
moment, and decided against just telling him the honest
truth - why should I start telling the truth now? - because
that was likely to get me trapped in this damn hospital all
night.  Instead I muttered a low apology to my love under my
breath, so low he couldn't hear it, and then dropped into a
crouch throwing Darien totally off balance and nearly making
him fall over.  When he didn't, I initiated a sweep kick and
knocked his legs out from under him.  It was a fairly simple
move, considering Darien hadn't been expecting it and once
he was on his back I yanked my arm from his grasp and got to
my feet in a hurry, but there were four Scouts only about
twenty feet from where I was standing and they weren't half
as tired as I was, they didn't have their heads bandaged up
from getting hit pretty hard, and they weren't drugged like
I was.  All and all, it was a totally unfair fight, so I
decided to make it fairer.

        "Sorry, guys," I muttered under my breath, not really
meaning it much as I suddenly crouched again and reached
into dazed Darien's jacket pocket, pulling out the red rose
that he used to transform into Tuxedo Mask.  Standing again I
aimed the tip of the rose carefully, so it would land close
to the ground, and just far enough to scare the Scouts.  I
had a perfect shot when it came to using my tiara, so why
not with a rose?

        Without hesitation or even a pause I threw the rose
in the midst of the Scouts and hoped it bought me enough
time to get away.  I wondered briefly what sort of magic it
used to be able to stop someone dead in their tracks, no
matter how fast they were moving, or how urgent it was that
they get somewhere, or to someone.

        It imbedded itself right in front of them and
they all froze,  <Just like a youma,> I thought, and before
they could move their eyes from the rose in front of them I
whirled and ran through the shadows of the night, looking for
my best friend.

        And I found her.  On top of the Starlight Tower, with
one of my greatest enemies, waiting for me, holding a knife to
her neck.

        I still have no idea why or how Rubius knew just the
right buttons to push in me to strike the hardest.

        Coming back to the present I look down at Molly again
and see that she is beginning to drown in blood.  Her blood.
It's so cruel to watch her, to see her like this, and a
million ideas and visions run through my head.  How could I
help her?  How could I stop her pain?  The pain that I have
caused, that I always cause?  And then, suddenly, one
particular vision flashes through my head and my eyes fall
on the knife lying beside the two of us, bloody, deadly,
and forgotten, and suddenly I know what I have to do.

        Slowly I reach over, my fingers feeling numb as they
grasp the handle of the strangely shaped dagger Rubius had
used to slit Molly's throat.  Slowly, silently, almost as
though I'm in a trance, I bring the knife within inches of
my eyes and twirl it from side to side.  The moonlight
reflects off the blade, making it shine like iridescent
silver and gold and glow as though it is made of crystal.
I bring the tip close to my face and for some odd reason,
touch it to my forehead, right in the center of my brow.  A
low silver light surrounds the blade briefly and a golden
mist encircles the hilt.  I bring it away from my forehead
slowly, still acting as though I were in a trance.

        I lower my eyes to my dying friend and as she sees
the knife in my hands understanding flashes in her eyes,
and she nods, jerking her head up and down slowly with the
effort.  And then, like before, when I threw Darien's rose
at the Scouts, even knowing they could get hurt, I did what
I did next as quickly as I possibly could, and without
hesitation.

        I plunge the dagger into Molly's heart.

        And in essence a small part of me died that day, with
Molly, and, not for the first time, my heart shattered into
a million tiny, jagged pieces that I know I will never be able
to fit together again.  Not ever.

        As more blood from her chest wound leaks out and runs
all over my fingers, still clutching the handle of the
dagger, I weep hopeless, bitter tears.  She is dead, I know
it, and I know that by killing her just now, right away, I
was saving her from more suffering, but that's just it.
It's the fact that I killed her, my friend, my best friend,
that's tearing me apart inside.  It feels, at least to me, as
though I've just thrust the dagger into my own heart, because
try as I might I can't stop thinking that one simple phrase
that I know may very well drive me insane if I don't stop
thinking it.  Perhaps it already has.

        'I killed her.'

        And then I'm saying it aloud, over, and over, and
over again.  Like a song, like a chant, like a mantra.  Louder
and louder until I'm nearly shouting it, and then quieter and
quieter until I'm nearly whispering.

        I continue to weep.

        And then the Scouts are beside me.  Vaguely I wonder
why they hadn't been there when Rubius disappeared, but I
know that the field probably remained up.  Perhaps Rubius
wished to prolong my suffering.

        I curb the urge to shout at my friends and demand to
know why they weren't there to help me, why they weren't
there to save her, even though I know there was nothing any
of us could do.  <It's not their fault,>  I remind myself.  <It's
yours.>

        Tuxedo Mask kneels beside Molly's bloody body and
idiotically he reaches down to check for a pulse at her wrist.
When he finds none - did he actually expect to find one? - he
looks over at me, and for the first time since he's dumped me
I can see an emotion in Darien's ocean blue eyes, even through
the mask.  But seeing these emotions is far worse than just
seeing the normal blankness I have come to expect from
Darien.  Because the emotions I can see in his eyes are
simply: sympathy and pity.  Nothing more and nothing less.

        "She's dead," he says quietly, and for a long drawn
out moment I stare at him, going silent, the words '...killed
her...' dying on my lips.  Did he actually just say 'she's
dead'?  I would have thought that would have been obvious.
Couldn't he tell from all the blood?

        "She's dead," he repeats and, suddenly, quite
suddenly, I feel anger swell and burst within me like a
thunderclap, like a flash of lightning.

        It's directed at him, it's directed at me, it's
directed at Rubius, it's directed at Molly, it's directed at
nothing, and at everything.  All my hate, anguish, fury,
sorrow, fear, pain, horror, sadness... love... all of it, and
so much more suddenly come together, come apart, become
one, become many, and then, for just a moment I feel my
precarious hold on sanity slip.

        *CRACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

        Tuxedo Mask falls back and gives a cry of pain and
surprise as his head snaps to one side, his mask falling off
and slipping to the ground with the force of it.  I have left
a large red welt on his right cheek, along with a hand print
of blood.  It's there because I slapped him so hard.

        Blood runs from underneath his hand, which is placed
over his nose and face, and the blood, thick and red, just
like Molly's, just like mine, seeps through his fingers and
drips onto his white tuxedo shirt, staining it darkly.  I
have broken his nose.

        Everyone stares at me, eyes wide, and then they all
take one step away, then two, because, although I don't
notice it, I still have the bloody knife in my hand.

        But I don't use it, or strike Tuxedo Mask again.
Instead, without conscious thought or forewarning I suddenly
scream.  Everything's all happened so fast, *too* fast.  Far
too fast.  And I just can't take it anymore.

        I put all my emotions, everything I'm feeling,
everything that's inside my right now, into this scream.
And with all my anguish, pain, suffering, and anger to
strengthen it the Silver Crystal on my chest reacts and
sends a massive beam of energy shooting towards the sky and
into the heavens.  My tiara disappears, I can feel it as it
does, and my Crescent Moon blazes brightly, adding light to
the beam surrounding me.  A Moon Beam.

        Just like when Reeny is in trouble and she releases
her Moon Beam, I release mine, only it is much, *much* more
powerful.  The Scouts and Tuxedo Mask are blown back thirty
feet with the force of the beam, and it hasn't even begun
yet.  The power is flying around me wildly, pulsing in time
with the Silver Crystal as it glows, pulling energy from all
my emotional anguish and shoving it all into the beam like
one would do with wood on a fire.

        The effect is devastating, because suddenly and
spontaneously, just like my scream, the Silver Crystal
flares and every single bit of power that's there to take is
taken from me and the beam erupts in a massive explosion of
light and power around me.  Red and gold dance before my
eyes.  Blood and light.  I wait for the beam to end.  And
when it does, and I am Sailor Moon again, I collapse,
weeping brokenly, like a child that has lost its mother,
like a mother that has lost its child, and repeating over
and over again,  "I killed her."

        The scouts and Tuxedo Mask don't dare come near me
now.  Not in the state I'm in.  All around us there is mass
destruction.  The Starlight Tower, which had only just
recently been rebuilt, is now totally destroyed and I doubt
it will ever be rebuilt now.  And everything within a half a
miles radius of the tower from all sides is demolished.
There were no people within the area.  I would have felt it
if I had killed a person, but I have destroyed so much, and
still, it doesn't seem like enough to me.  I want to destroy
more, but slowly sanity is coming back to me and as I
continue to weep, my tears increase, because of everything I
have just done and everything that has just happened.

        My best friend Molly, had died, been killed, no....
*murdered*, by a Negamoon denizen, and I realize, like
them, her blood is on my hands.  I slapped Tuxedo Mask,
my one true love, right in the face.  He'd probably never
forgive me for it, and if he does, I will never forgive
myself.  I have just destroyed everything within even remote
proximity to the now destroyed Starlight Tower, but most
especially, and most importantly, I had lost control.

        And just as I once said I would never forgive myself
for Nephrite's death, I will never forgive myself for
Molly's, or anything that I've done here today.

        It seems I just can't stop killing people.  First
Nephlite, and now Molly... Molly, my best friend since
forever.  My best friend *for* forever.  I will miss her
dearly.

        It seems that the fates always conspire against me,
in this life, or the last.  Always they make me feel pain,
always they leave me alone and desperate, always they treat
me as though I'm being punished for something I never did.

        First I lost Darien and the Scouts to Queen Beryl,
then I lost my kingdom, my guardians, my mother, and then I
lost my life to her as well.  And now I have lost Darien for
reasons unknown to me, I have lost the Scout's respect
because I also lost control, I have lost my best friend because
I couldn't protect her.  I lost *myself* to insanity.  Destiny
can be rather cruel at times.  Very cruel.  For destiny, it
seems, at least from my point of view, always forces me,
always wishes, always *wants* me, to be alone.  Alone,
hopeless, and desperate.

        I can never have peace.  I can never truly be
happy.  I can never truly be close to anyone, not without
losing them, or taking the chance of losing them, as I have
lost everyone else.  Never can I be or have any of these
things.

        Because I am, and always shall be, forever alone.

------------------------------------------------------------

        Well, there you have it folks!

        I put a lot of time and effort into this, along with
a lot of emotion, so I hope you liked reading this.

        If you did then tell me so at  tnag@lightspeed.bc.ca
and if you didn't then please don't bother writing me.  You
can if you really detest the story, but for the most part
your comments will be ignored, although I will take them
under consideration.

        Please be kind though, I was so unsure about
writing this, because it was so violent and so morbid, that
I almost didn't and I'd like to know if I really should
have bothered at all.

        One note for you readers that you should know.  I
know that lots of stories have Molly as a red haired, blue
eyed girl, but in my story her eyes are green and I'm
sorry if that offends anyone, though it shouldn't.  I just
thought the story would be better with her having green
eyes for some reason.

        Oh, I just want to add that if either Sue Riley or
Razz are reading this story, could you please e-mail me.
I haven't been able to get through to either of you guys.

        Anyway, please write me on the story!  I love to
get e-mail!

        Sayonara for now minna!  I'll try to write more
soon!

  - Jade