title: a fleeting hope
Author razzz
E-mail - razzzberi@hotmail.com

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
Naoko Takeuchi owns sailor moon, along with Kodansha and a bunch of other
people - I, however, don't - Bummer, ne?
Don't forget to e-mail me and tell me what you think!!!! -
Razzzberi@hotmail.com

                                A Fleeting Hope

        The sun had long since set over the horizon, and now, it was dark, a
moonless night, the ominous, hovering spaceships melting into the rich black
canvas that hung above the ruins of Crystal Tokyo. He stood on the balcony,
the roses wilting, the ocean crashing dully beneath him, waiting for her
return. He leaned against one of the strong pillars, his face turned towards
the sky, his eyes shut. He knew. She was not coming back. She had known too,
that she would not be returning. They had pretended that it wasn't time yet,
that they still had more left before their world was ripped apart, but he
knew that they were fooling themselves. They knew that painful truth, even
if they didn't' speak the harsh reality of it. He could feel her good-bye in
her last kiss. She had held him tightly, the tears she had tried to hold
back so hard spilling forward against her will. She didn't' want to let go,
never wanted to let go, never wanted to be parted from his arms. She drank
in the moment, knowing it would be a long time before she would feel his
embrace. Her heart was breaking. He had gently wiped her eyes for her,
holding her to him as tightly as possible, his chin resting above her head,
smelling her hair, memorizing its scent. He knew it would be his last whiff
of its' intoxicating perfume for who knew how long.
        "I, I guess it's time." she had said, turning her face up towards
him. He greedily stared at her face, his eyes captured by hers. God they
were beautiful.
        "I know." he sighed, his voice cracking with the emotion. How could
he let go of his wife, when he knew what would become of her? How could she
so willingly walk into her own . . ?
        "I don't' want to leave you Endymion. But Small Lady . . . Our
daughter . . . " she whispered, the tears coming from her eyes as she looked
out past the castle walls. Their daughter was out there somewhere. He traced
her face with his hand, the satiny touch of it stored away for when he could
only stare at her through the crystal. How would he be able to stand it! He
had seen it before, but his Usako had been standing next to him then. He
could look into her eyes, squeeze her hand to reassure himself that she
wasn't injured, wasn't' trapped in between life or death. She was alive
dammit! And now, he was allowing he to walk right into her own demise. He
clutched Serenity closer, wanting with all his heart to beg her to stay with
him. He couldn't' stand to lose them both. And Small lady, no one knew if
she was even alive still! The future is not set in stone. What if he lost
them both? What if what had happened before did not come to be? What if,
despite the happy ending in the past, this time around, the finale would be
tragic? Endymion was suddenly overcome by the urge to forbid her to leave,
to steal her away to the deepest caverns of the castle and keep her there,
safe, until the end of time. Keep her safe, protect her, never be apart from
her. But he couldn't' do that. She would not let him. And he could not give
up on his daughter. He would never do that to his precious small lady. A
single tear made its way down his cheek. He would lose the two people he
loved more than life itself, the two people who gave him the strength to
live. He would not see them, be able to touch them, for so, so long.
Endymion could feel the stark fear darken his heart, make his arms tremble
with terror He was losing all that had ever mattered to him.
        "I love you Usako, Serenity. I'll be waiting for you. I'll be right
here, waiting for you to come back to me with Samll Lady." he said,
wondering how he could speak without breaking down.  He knew it was a
fantasy, a delusion, that she would come back with his daughter. He knew
Serenity would not be coming back, not on her own. This was it, his final
good bye. He screamed inwardly at the thought.
        "I love you Endymion," She sobbed, her arms pressed so tightly
around him. "I love you, I love you I love you." she repeated, as though the
phrase, their love, would protect her. She had tried so hard to be brave.
And here she was sobbing, terrified, and he could do nothing to stop it! He
could feel the emotion lump in is throat, any words he could say stuck
there, knowing that should he even attempt to speak now, his own resolve
would crumble, and his own tears would join hers. He did the only thing he
knew to do. He bent over, tilting his head towards hers, kissing her firmly,
deeply, knowing that this was all they had, that this was all they would
ever have to keep them sane in the dark future. Their last touch, their last
embrace, all of it, embodied in this one final kiss. It seemed to speak, to
sing, breaking the despair for just a moment.
        I love you Endymion, Mamo-chan, my king, my husband, my love.
        I love you Serenity, Usako, my queen my wife my love.
        You are my life. I love you.
        She stared at him, her blue eyes full, drinking his in. They stood
staring at each other, mesmerized, not wanting to break off the contact. At
last, after so long just staring at each other, she blinked, her long sooty
lashes covering her eyes. She tried to smile brightly, as she had done when
she was a girl, but it did not seem to sparkle as much.
        "Now, don't' get into any trouble while I'm gone." she said, her
attempt at laughter breaking off into a sob. "I know how you can be when I'm
not here to take care of you."
        He smiled at her, the expression feeling so fake. She reached up,
brushing a strand of hair from his eyes.
        "I wont' be gone long Endy." she said, her fingers straying on his
face, not wanting to break off the contact. She choked back her pained sob
as her hand contacted his skin, attempting a smile to hide behind. He smiled
at her reassuringly, always her rock, her strength, when she felt she could
barely hang on. His hands tangled themselves into her hair, twining a rose
in with the golden strands. She reached up to touch the soft petals, looking
at him longingly.
        "Take as long as you need. Just come back Sere. I'll be waiting.
Just come back to me."
        She nodded her head, her eyes welling up in tears once again. She
shook them away, reaching up to kiss him quickly one last time, then, turned
towards the door, leaving him alone on the balcony. He stood, holding
another rose from the nearby bush, watching her thin, pale form leave the
palace grounds, to where she knew Small Lady would be. He had let her go. He
knew he had no choice but to let her go. He loved his daughter too much to
not allow Serenity to find her. His sweet, innocent daughter. It wasn't'
fair that she be subjected to this hell that she would now live. And yet, he
still had the urge to chase after Serenity, to keep her in the palace, safe,
where he could be sure he would lose no more of his loved ones. But he knew,
that even if he did do that, something he knew he would never do, for he
loved his daughter entirely too much, she would never allow him to do keep
her from saving Small Lady. Nothing would keep his wife once she had her
mind set on something. All he could do was hope.
        In the distance, a discharge of power erupted, bright silver light.
His senses were enveloped in pain for a moment, and then it was dull. O
Kami! He could not even feel her anymore. He closed his eyes, trying to stay
calm. It had happened. It had actually happened.
        "NO." he croaked, knowing it would do no good. "Serenity!"

        "What happens in the future Chibi Usa!" Mamoru said angrily. Chibi
Usa cringed. She had never seen Mamo-chan so angry before.
        "I, I don't' know." she said, her voice small, as she clutched at
her Luna P ball. She could feel the sting of tears in her eyes, but bit down
hard on her lip to keep them from spilling. She couldn't' cry. She was a
princess, after all. No crying allowed. She had to be strong. But he was so
angry. Maybe, maybe Mamo chan didn't love her anymore! Maybe, because she
had stolen Usagi's brooch, and because she had caused the senshi to get
caught, he hated her. Usagi certainly seemed to. She had almost slapped her,
but Tuxedo Kamen Sama - no, that was Mamo chan- Mamo chan had stopped Usagi.
But now, even he wasn't on her side.
        "Gomen, Gomen nasai, but I don't' know. They, they came so suddenly!
I, I . . . I just don't' know!" she said, no longer able to contain her
tears. She turned from Mamoru, so he couldn't see her crying, holding the
Luna P ball tightly. She just wanted to go home.
        Mamoru gently put a hand on her heaving shoulders, trying to calm
her down. He knew it was wrong of him to yell at her like that. He
shouldn't' have been so stupid! She was just a little girl, for Kami's sake!
        "Chibi usa?' he said quietly. She didn't' answer him, and only cried
harder. Mamoru looked down at her, shamed at his actions.
        "Chibi usa, Gomen. I shouldn't' have yelled at you. Please, Chibi
usa. Don't' cry." he said warmly. Chibi Usa slowly turned around to face
him, wiping away her tears.
        "Why are you apologizing. I'm the one who let Rei and the others get
caught. Its' all my fault! If they hadn't followed me . . . if I hadn't-"
        "Shh, no Chibi usa, it isn't' your fault at all." Mamoru said
quickly, pulling her into a hug. "Rubius is behind all this. It's his fault,
not yours. You did nothing wrong, you understand. You did nothing wrong at
all." Mamoru said. Chibi Usa sniffled, lookign up at him.
        "You don't, you don't' hate me?" she asked, unsure. Mamoru shook his
head, smiling at her warmly.
        "Of course not. I could never hate you. No matter what happens,
we'll always be friends, ne?"
        "HAI!" Chibi usa agreed enthusiastically. Mamoru smiled.
        "That's good. Now Chibi usa," he said, his voice turning serious. "I
need you to tell me whatever you can remember about the future. Anything.
Please. It might help us save the girls, ok?" he said. "I can understand if
it's too hard for a little girl like you but -"
        "I AM NOT LITTLE! I can do it Mamo chan! Please, let me try! I can
do it! I wont' fail you!" she cried, indignant. Mamoru smiled. She was just
like Usagi sometimes.
        "That's my girl. Now, what do you remember?"
        Chibi usa scrunched up her nose, trying to concentrate on her
memories.
        "My mommy and my Daddy and I all live in the Crystal palace with the
senshi and we're all happy but then Rubius's ships all came and attacked and
made everything ugly and blew up everything . . . " her voice had become
quiet, taking on an almost haunted tone. "And they almost took over. And I
was out one day past the castle walls, and the bad man was going to hurt me,
but mommy came and tried to save me . . . and she got hurt instead of me . .
. and . . . "
        Chibi Usa began to cry again, and Mamoru pulled her into a
comforting embrace
        "It's all right Chibi usa. You don't' need to say anymore." he said.
Chibi usa shook her head.
        "I need the crystal to save my mommy."
        "Isn't' there a crystal in your time? If the senshi are there,
Sailor moon should have it and-"
        Chibi Usa shook her head sadly.
        "In the future, there is no Sailor Moon." Chibi Usa said. Mamoru
gasped, almost dropping the girl in his arms as his senses suddenly halted.
No Sailor moon . . .
        "What do you mean there isn't Sailor moon?" He asked, wincing at the
rough tone of voice he had used.
        "There are the other senshi, all four of them, but Sailor moon was
always a bed time story my daddy told me about. He said she was the bravest
warrior ever, but there isn't' a Sailor moon anymore . . .Mamo chan, are you
all right?" Chibi Usa asked, alarmed at how pale he had suddenly become. He
was almost shaking in fear.
        "Usako." he said, closing his eyes. What did this mean?!?! Did it
mean that she would be . . . NO! He refused to believe that Usako would not
make it to the future with them! There had to be an explanation for it! She
could not die! He was doing everything, EVERYTHING in his power to make sure
she survived.  She could not die on him! He, he loved her too much to lose
her!
        "Let's go inside." Mamoru said, immediately standing up. He had to
check on her, on his Usako. He was suddenly terrified for her. Chibi usa was
proof, PROOF dammit, that Usako would not . . . would not live  . . .
        He blinked back the sting in his eyes, as he ran into the room. The
first thing he noticed was that Usagi was not there, where he had left her
when he had gone to talk with Chibi usa. The second was that the front door
was open.
        She was gone. Usako was gone. To fight Rubius alone. Mamoru groaned,
in frustration and fear. What if this was where she died, why she was not in
the future? She wasn't strong enough to fight Rubius alone. She would surely
be killed . . . .she would be killed . . . DEAD! NO!!!!!
        Mamoru raced out the door, to where the space ship had landed. And
there she was, his Usako, being dragged helplessly up into it, to fight to
go valiantly to her death . . .
        "We're too late." Luna gasped. Mamoru shook his head, not believing.
He would save her! He would not lose her, would not allow the grim future to
be realized.
        "NO!! USAKO!!" he cried, running forward, and yet still to late. Not
even Tuxedo Kamen could save her now. The icy fear gripped his heart as he
stared into her blue, terror filled eyes, which seemed to soften as she
caught his gaze. She managed a small smile, before being sucked into the
ship. Mamoru shook his head, trying to clear it, trying to see what had
really happened, because his Usako could not be gone. She couldn't' be! It
was just an illusion. He looked back up, and the ship was already racing off
into space. He had lost her . . . she wasn't' in the future . . . the
dreams, the prophecies . . . her DEATH!
        "USAKO!"

        Mamoru woke up in a cold sweat, breathing hard as the remnants of
the nightmare came to mind again. He hadn't had the dream, the one where
Usako had been taken from him at their wedding. Instead it had been replaced
with the memory of the last days' events, events which had haunted him.
Every day, every day from now on, he would watch her in terror, watch his
Usako, and wonder if this was her last moment, her last smile, her last
laugh. What if Chibi usa's words were true?
        The haunting words of the little girl were now trapped in his mind,
replacing the previous nightmare with a new one, one that was entirely too
real, a recreation of that conversation, of watching Usako being taken from
him, of thinking that he would never se her again. He looked at the phone,
choking back the inclination to call her, to make sure she was still there,
to hear her voice one more time. But he couldn't. Those dreams were still
there, waiting to become true, he was sure. He had no choice but to stay
away from her.
        'There is no Sailor Moon in the future.'
        Chibi Usa's words slammed into him, almost causing him actual
physical pain. There had to be an explanation. Maybe . . . maybe she had
retired! That had to be it. Usako had retired from being Sailor moon . . .
maybe they had gotten married, settled down, had a family, stopped fighting.
        No, that wouldn't happen, not if the others were still fighting. She
just . . . wasn't' in the future.
        How bleak the future looked from here. A future without her. A
future where she would be dead, where he would be parted from her. He
suddenly didn't want it to be tomorrow, wished he could turn back time,
wished it was the day before last, would remain the day before last, would
remain a day where he knew she would be with him, where she would survive,
where she could not leave him alone.
        He had tired so hard to cheat destiny. He had done everything in his
power to keep her safe from his dreams. He believed in destiny, but he also
believed in one's ability to shape their own future. There had to be a way
to beat this, to keep her safe. Even if it meant locking Usako up, keeping
her with him at all times. There had to be a way. He wouldn't' let her die,
wouldn't' let this thing win. Chibi Usa was mistaken. He would change the
future! He would not let Usako die.
        'She puts herself at risk too much. I have to, I have to protect her
better! Every time she turns into Sailor Moon . . . ' his thoughts turned
down a dark path, as he remembered all the times when she had been in such
danger, all the times when she could have died because of her fighting. As
the princess, she had died! Only a miracle had brought her back. And then,
when she had been under that sleeping spell, his beautiful sleeping beauty,
so cold and unresponsive in his arms. And then, that last battle, where she
gone off alone to fight Rubius - his heart had nearly stopped as he realized
that her chances of making it were so, so slim. And when she had come back,
it was all he could do to not hug her, breathe her in, drown his relief in
the reality, that she was all right, bruised, injured, but all right. It had
been close . . .everytime had been close. Everytime she was Sailor moon, she
put herself at risk. She could die at any moment out there, on the
battlefield. He shook his head as all the times she had been knocked out,
had been injured, been captured by some youma, came to mind. He didn't' want
to see these images.
        'The only way to keep her safe is to, to STOP HER FROM BEING SAILOR
MOON!'
        He had to do something. He didn't' know what, but he was not about
to let something happen to her. He wouldn't lose her, the world be damned.
He was going to keep her safe, was going to make sure she was in the future,
in his future, and if that meant her not being Sailor Moon, then so be it.
He would not lose her, would not allow her to die. For a world without Usako
was not a world worth living in.

        Endymion heard the flurry downstairs, the alarms being raised. Ami's
voice rose above the rest, ordering doctors to do this task or that. They
had found Serenity. It was as he had feared. It was all coming true.
        'Please, let the rest work out right. Please let it all end up the
way it did.' he begged silently, closing his eyes as he rested against the
pillar, still on the terrace. This was their terrace. Where he and Serenity
would meet late at night, giggling like children in love, which, in a way
they were. It was their haven, a place where they didn't' have to be the
King and Queen, just two lovers. He had taught her to waltz gracefully here,
holding her close to him, pretending not to notice when she stepped on his
toes. And she had told him, standing out over the ocean, her arms around his
waist, that he was going to be a father. He had wept here, tears of joy with
the news. He had known - it wasn't a surprise, obviously, that Chibi usa
would be born. But it still shocked him. They had snack food, chocolate chip
cookie dough ice cream, from the kitchen, to sit on the balcony and eat,
loving the ice cream as much as the thought of doing something they
shouldn't really have been doing. It was here that he had said good bye to
her. He could almost smell her, as though she had never really left.
        But now she was so far away. He didn't' even want to look at her in
the crystal. That wasn't' his wife in there. That wasn't' her. She was
strong and vibrant and full of life, with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes,
and the infectious laugh and the wide smile. That woman in there, she was
dead. She was calm, she was still. That wasn't' Serenity. He didn't' want to
see it, didn't want to prove to himself that it had happened, the one thing
he had been fearing his entire life. That wasn't' her. To see it would be to
validate that which he refused to believe.
        "Endymion." Rei said, her head bowed, her voice low.
        "No." Endymion said gruffly, staring out, unseeing, over the
horizon. He would not turn to look at her. He would not let her see him cry.
        "Endymion . . . It's Serenity." Rei said again, her voice choked.
"It's happened Endymion."
        "No."
        "Endymion. At least . . .see her. Let her know you're here for her.
She's still alive in there. Remember. She's still alive. She needs you now
more than ever Endymion. Don't' abandon her now."
        "NO!" Endymion cried, pounding his fist against the granite of the
wall. "I don't' want to see . . . I don't want to see that . . . see her
like . . . NO!"
        Rei walked beside her king, putting a comforting hand on his
shoulder.
        "I know. It's hard for me too. But she needs you. She's always
needed you. You're her strength, you always have been. Please give her some
strength when she needs it most. Endymion, please, just tell her you're here
for her, tell her you love her. Anything . . . just don't' abandon her. She
needs you too much."
        Endymion breathed deeply, stifling his emotions, which had for a
moment gotten the better of him. Of course Rei was right. She was still
alive. She still needed him to be strong. He could do that; he could be
strong enough for the both of them, as long as she came back to him.
        "I'm coming," he said quietly. Rei flashed a wan smile, leading him
back to the chamber where Serenity lay. Endymion's eyes grew large as he
stood in the doorway, frozen.
        'O Kami. My wife . . . my sweet, sweet Serenity.'
        In seconds he had fallen to the floor at her side, draped across the
top of the crystal, his forehead resting above hers, his hands splayed out
across the cold crystal. She looked dead. She wasn't', he told himself, but
the image of it, so like the nightmares. He hadn't' managed to stop it from
happening, hadn't' been able to cheat Destiny - of course, he hadn't'
cheated Destiny on any count. But Serenity, she was not meant to lie so
still, to be trapped so unnaturally. She was lost to him, lost to him for
so, so long for perhaps forever. He wanted to at least touch her, but he was
denied even that! He could not even touch his wife, his Serenity. As he lay
across her crystal coffin, he could not help but cry, the tears slowly
coursing down his cheeks.
        'Come back to me Sere. Come back to me.'

        Tuxedo Kamen took a moment to look at her, her head buried in her
arms, her hands clutching some sort of bracelet. She looks so beautiful. He
resisted the urge to kiss her, instead concentrating on his mission. He had
to find her brooch. IF he could find it and take it, she wouldn't' be able
to become Sailor Moon. She wouldn't be able to get into any trouble. She
would be safe. Like a cat, he silently picked up her rumpled, discarded
school uniform. There, on the bow, where it always was, lay her brooch. He
swiftly unpinned it.
        "Mamo chan" Tuxedo Kamen immediately turned towards Usagi, afraid
she had seen him. He let out a soft sigh of relief. She was just mumbling in
her sleep, dreaming about something.
        "Mamo chan. Why do you hate me Mamo chan . . . don't . . . don't'
leave me Mamo chan."
        Behind his mask, Tuxedo Kamen could feel his eyes water, his heart
soften.
        "O Usako." he whispered. He took a step towards her, knowing that he
probably shouldn't' even be doing this, but doing it anyway. He couldn't'
resist. He had been so long without her that he needed to just at least
touch her. It was safe if she didn't' know what he was doing.
        "Gomen nasai Usako. Forgive me." he whispered, leaning down and
gently kissing her. He had missed her so much. He almost didn't want to
leave, almost wished she would wake up, to give him a reason to stop
pretending, to confess how much he loved her . . . his resolve suddenly
kicked in as the image of her screaming, dying, invaded his head. He took a
shaky step back from her, terrified. He couldn't let himself be weak! If it
meant her life, he could not afford mistakes, could not afford ANY mistakes!
He would not gamble with her life! He stood in the window, poised to jump.
He looked back over his shoulder for one final glance at her sleeping form.
        "I love you for always Usako."
        And then he, and the brooch, were gone.

        For some reason, he always seemed to be led back to the balcony. He
almost never wanted to leave it. For some reason, he felt closer to Serenity
here, perhaps because he felt closer to his memories here, could call upon
the happier times freely. Endymion leaned back against the pillar, staring
up at the sky. It had been a month. One full month without her. His heart
had been shattered that day, and he could not seem to recover the pieces. He
had thought, at first, that he could handle it, the time he had spent apart
from her had trained him, had helped him cope. He had been apart from her,
had been able to handle the separation. But this was different. At least
then, she had been alive and vibrant and safe. Now . . .
        'I can't stand this. I cant' live like this much longer.' he
thought, staring off into the distance. He was truly alone now, his daughter
having just been sent back to the past just two days ago. He knew, that
soon, if he wanted to keep the past as it had been for him, he would need to
send his former self the dreams. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. How
could he willingly separate himself from her? When time was so precious, it
seemed so silly, so ridiculous, to separate the two. Every moment with her
was a blessing, and he was not about to help himself waste all that time
with her. Plain stupid! What had he been thinking when he had made that
decision.
        'I needed her then, just as I need her now.' He thought. If
anything, his dependency on her had grown. Life as it was, right now, was
simply unbearable.
        He needed to touch her, to hear her laugh, to see her smile. This
was hell. He wished that he could just give up, to join Serenity where ever
she was. He knew he would follow her wherever she was. It was all he wished
to do! And she had left him behind!
        'I need you Serenity! I, I cant' do this alone anymore!'

        Mamoru stared at the brooch, thinking hard. Had he done the right
thing? When she went to fight a youma, she would be left unprotected. She
would be defenseless. But, she would stop going into battle. She would, at
least, be safe. That was all he wanted. She had no idea how much he loved
her, that he was doing all this for her.
        "It's for your own good Usako." he muttered, hoping that she would
forgive him for what he had done, for she would be quite mad. But he would
not let her die, would not let Chibi Usa's words come true. If there was no
Sailor Moon in the future, than it would not be because she had died. She
would not die! SHE COUDL NOT DIE!
        "You can hate me Usako, just so long as you are alive."

        Another week had passed, and Endymion was still on his terrace. The
moon shone dimly now, casting a small speck of light on the ocean. The light
reflected off the garish ships overhead. He wanted nothing more than to
shoot them down, for doing this to his daughter, to his wife. It was almost
impossible to get up now, knowing that she would not be there beside him in
the mornings. The bed seemed so large now, so empty. He pounded the pillows
just to make it seem that her side had been slept in. But it didn't' help.
When he had married her, he had been unable to fathom a day when he would
not wake up with her in his arms, sure that the feeling of her next to him,
still asleep, was the most wonderful thing in the world. But without her, in
these mornings, alone, he didn't want to wake up. He barely wanted to live.
He missed her, missed her more than it was possible to miss someone, missed
her so much he physically hurt.
        'This cant' go on any longer! I have to do something . . .anything!
I have to see her, touch her, be near her! I can't be alone anymore! I'm,
not strong enough alone.'
        But, there was no going back now. There was nothing he could do to
bring his wife out of her coma. His hope had left him, his strength
depleted. The only joy he would find was in his past . . . HIS PAST!
        Endymion quickly left the garden terrace, racing through the castle
to the locked chambers that only the royal family and their guards were
allowed to enter. It contained mystical artifacts that they had acquired
over the years. Endymion quickly scanned the room, until he found what he
had been looking for. It was old, dusty, but still retained its golden
shine. He raised it high above his head, praying that it would work. Pluto
would give him hell, but at the moment, he really didn't care. All that he
was aware of was the utter darkness in his soul, the need to see his
Serenity for reasons he could not even begin to comprehend. Logic did not
play a part in his actions anymore. Just the need to see her.
        'Time Key, take me back to my wife. Take me back to my Usako, my
Serenity. Take me back. PLEASE TAKE ME BACK TO HER!"
        In a flash of purple light, King Endymion of Crystal Tokyo was gone.

        Mamoru looked up, his attention averted from the brooch for the
first time since he had stolen it an hour ago. He stood, ready to face
whatever enemy was held inside the purple bubble of light, his hand gripped
tightly around his rose. The light slowly faded, and Mamoru's jaw dropped,
his eyes staring in front of him, but not believing.
        "You, you're, you're, you're-"
        "I am you." Kind Endymion said, his voice haggard, his face slack
from exhaustion. Mamoru blinked, trying to gain some control over his body.
        "How . . .?"
        "I am from the future." Endymion replied, staring long and hard at
his past self. It was one thing to see your self in a mirror, but another
entirely to see yourself face to face, flesh to flesh.
        "Why . . .?"
        "Serenity." Endymion said sadly, his eyes clouding over with the
painful memory. Mamoru looked at him curiously, finally gaining control of
his vocal chords, which had been shocked into silence at the appearance of
his future self. But, after all, Chibi Usa was from the future, so he
shouldn't be too shocked at time travel. And, at the mention of her, his
Usako, he could not remain silent.
        "You mean Usako?"
        "Hai." Endymion said, lowering his eyes sadly.
        "I just . . . I just wanted to see her. I,  I'm not sure . . . why
I'm here even." Endymion said. He would not give Mamoru anything more to
worry about. A glance at the picture on the mantle, the one of Mamoru and
Usagi, the glass cracked, told him that in this time, Mamoru had been having
the nightmares No, Mamoru did not need the nightmares of the future to add
to his of this time.
        "You shouldn't' listen to those dreams Mamoru." Endymion said
slowly. Mamoru looked at him, confused. Endymion almost wanted to laugh at
the look on his face. Almost.
        "You forget, I'm you. I know everything that has happened to you.
The dreams, they are a waste of your time! Time is precious! You never know
. . . you have to live as though you only have today! RIGHT NOW! And you
waste it on dreams when you should be telling Usako how much you love her,
be taking a walk, kissing her, touching her. You're wasting time you don't'
have to waste!" Endymion said vehemently, venting his own frustrations.
        "What do you know about me and my dreams!"
        "I had the same ones! Everything you have been through I have too! I
AM you!"
        "Then you should be able to understand!" Mamoru snapped angrily! "I
will not let her die! I will do everything in my power to make sure she
lives, even if it means having to live without her!"
        "What if you end up doing that anyway!?!? And wasting what little
time you two have! Don't you see? You can't afford this! Time . . . it's all
too short!"
        "I won't let her die, if that's what you mean! I'll keep her alive!"
Mamoru said slowly. "I. Will. Protect. Her."
        "Even if . . . you, I . . .we are such a fool!" Endymion said in
frustration. Why couldn't Mamoru see the stupidity of his actions! Why was
he being so frustrating! Endymion paced the room angrily, shadowing the
movements of Mamoru. Endymion smiled uncounsciously, thinking about how long
it had been since he had been in this apartment, pacing it, trying to dispel
the anger. As he let his eyes roam over the familiar objects he hadn't' seen
in centuries, his eyes fell upon one object that was out of place.
        "Usako's brooch!" Endymion exclaimed, whirling around to face
Mamoru. "Why the hell do you have Usako's brooch?"
        "You're me - figure it out." Mamoru said angrily, making a move to
take it. Endymion however, anticipated the move, and grabbed it before
Mamoru had the chance.
        "I have to return this to her. She needs this to become Sailor
Moon." Endymion said. Mamoru lunged at him.
        "NO! YOU CAN"T!"
        "And why not?"
        "I can't let you take that brooch back to her! I don't care who you
think you are." Mamoru said, closing his eyes to begin his transformation.
IN a moment, Tuxedo Kamen stood before King Endymion.
        "Sometimes, You are an idiot Mamoru. The world needs Sailor Moon. It
is her destiny. Even you cannot change that!"
        "Destiny can be changed!" Tuxedo Kamen growled, throwing g a rose at
Endymion. The older man easily brushed aside the roses.
        "You cant' fight me using my own attack Mamoru. Now, why do you have
Usako's brooch? I am not the enemy here, Mamoru. I am you. A simple time
traveler. You do not need to fight me."
        Tuxedo Kamen stopped the attack, realizing the futility of his
efforts. Why was he fighting? This was his future self, for Kami's sake.
Maybe, if he told Endymion, he would be able to help.
        "I don't' want to lose her." Mamoru said, sinking onto his couch,
his eyes suddenly turning dark and haunted, his body sagging, exhausted, the
last few weeks taking it's toll upon his body. "I want to make sure she has
a future. And everytime she fights, she risks so much . . . I wont' let her
die! It's safer for her if she isn't' fighting. All I want is for her to be
safe."
        Endymion shook his head sympathetically.
        "I understand. But, she needs to be Sailor Moon. Or else we are all
doomed. You know that Mamoru."
        "Sometimes, as long as she's all right, I don't' care. I don't' care
about anything, as long as she's OK." Mamoru said.
        "And if the world crumbled, it wouldn't' matter as long as she was
with you, in your arms." Endymion said hollowly, grief creeping into his
voice.
        "What am I supposed to do?" Mamoru asked. Endymion took the brooch
in his hand, so small that it fit in his palm.
        "You return this to her. You let destiny play its hand. And you love
her. Trust in that Mamoru. Its' all that you can trust."
        Mamoru nodded in agreement. He looked up suddenly, lookign at
Endymion's face, his eyes shining in hope.
        "You're from the future. Usako . . . is she . . . "
        Endymion did not answer her eyes downcast.
        "Don't' ask me. I cant' tell you the future. Its' best if you don't'
know what is to come." Endymion said sadly. Mamoru shook his head, his eyes
watering with emotion.
        "She's dead. Usako is dead in the future, isn't she?" he asked, his
tone desperate, and fearful. Endymion did not reply. Mamoru stared into the
eyes, recognizing the look
        "You cant' hide from me! You are me! I know you! Something has
happened to her. She's. . O Kami no!! She's dead. She didn't' make it!" he
said, his voice insistent, almost hysterical. "Answer me Dammit!"
        "Serenity is alive Mamoru." Endymion finally said, slowly. It seemed
to appease Mamoru, as he calmed down, hope shining anew in his turbulent
blue eyes.
        "Alive." Mamoru repeated, not quite believing. His heart seemed to
be beating a million times faster, the joy threatening to overwhelm him
        "Don't' waste your time with her Mamoru. Life, time is short. You
don't' have the time to be wasting love, wasting her, because of some stupid
dreams. Live your life to the fullest. Don't' waste a second of it. Time is
so precious. She is so precious. Live Mamoru, stop being afraid and live, as
though there is no tomorrow. Make every second of every day count, before
there is no time left." Endymion said.
        "I'm not sure I can." Mamoru said slowly, wanting nothing more than
to just take Endymion's advice. But one look at the picture frame, the
cracked glass, and he knew it wasn't' that easy.
        "She loves you Mamoru. You're being a fool." Endymion said, sighing
unhappily. He had done all he could. The rest was up to Mamoru. But now, he
had to see her. After so long, he would finally be able to touch her, to
hold her. And that had been the whole point of this journey, had it not?
        "Now, I have a brooch to return." Endymion said, getting up and
walking to the door. "You wouldn't' have any idea where Usako is right now?"
Mamoru nodded.
        "She should still be sitting outside my door. She was the last time
I checked." Mamoru said. Endymion paled. She was so close, so, so close.
        "There? The whole time." he said, not believing. He could feel his
eyes water involuntarily.
        "I still love her as much as I do now in the future, don't' I? And,
and, she still love me . . .?" Mamoru asked. Endymion nodded a faint smile
on his face.
        "Of course. She's our wife." Endymion said, opening the door and
leaving Mamoru alone in his apartment, still reeling from Endymion's last
comment.

        She wasn't' by his door, but he could hear her descending footsteps.
He ran after them, feeling like a child again. Finally, he could see the
back of her head, her gorgeous long pigtails drooping behind her.
        "USAKO!"
        She halted, turning back slowly to stare at him. It was his voice!
He was calling to her! She opened her eyes to see . . .
        "Mamo-chan?" she asked. He looked like Tuxedo Kamen, minus the mask
and in a purple suit. And he seemed older. But then, he smiled warmly at
her, his voice barely audible, choked with emotion.
        "Hai, Usako."
        She flung her self at him, and she felt his arms wrap around her,
enveloping her in his warm embrace. She nuzzled closer to him, against his
heaving chest.
        "O Mamo chan." She murmured happily. "I knew you still loved me."
        She smelled as she had on that last day on the terrace, the feel of
her arms, her breath, against him overpowering. Silent tears streaked down
his face, as he was held in the embrace he thought he would feel again.
        Her small, delicate hand reached up, wiping away the tears.
        "Why are you crying Mamo chan?" she asked, concerned. Endymion shook
his head, reluctantly pushing her away. This wasn't' right. He wasn't' her
Mamo chan - he was Endymion. He could not, would not, deceive her.
        "Mamo chan?" she asked again, her own eyes on the verge of spilling
forth tears at his apparent rejection.
        "I, I'm not Mamoru Usako." he said slowly, closing his eyes. Why had
he thought that going back in time was a good idea? Why indeed had he come
to the past at all? A crazy idea in a moment of weakness, in a second when
he had only known that he needed her. He was not her Mamo chan. No, he was
King Endymion. And this girl was not Serenity, but Tsukino Usagi. She was no
substitute for his wife. It was unfair, to both him and her. She was from
the past, and would not change his future, would not again make it bright
and hopeful. What had happened to his Serenity had not changed. All that had
changed was the fact that he had run away, run to the past, in search of a
hope that had died 1000 years in the future. Again, he asked himself why he
had come, why he had sought her out.
        "What do you mean, you're not Mamo chan. You look like him."
        "Gomen Usako. I'm not him. I, I"
        "Then who . . . " she wondered. He felt like Mamo chan. Her senses
reacted in that special way that they did only for Mamo chan. But he wasn't
Mamo chan? That didn't' make any sense.
        "I, I . . . " he stared into her unchanging deep blue eyes, the eyes
of the only girl, the only woman he had loved for his entire life, the woman
he could no longer touch or hold or speak to anymore.
        "Mamo chan! Why are you crying!?!?" she asked again, running over to
him and hugging him tightly, trying to comfort him, her eyes glittering with
concern. He gasped, almost losing all control as he felt her hold him so
tenderly. He wouldn't' mind staying like that forever . . . but it was all
wrong.
        "Usako . . . I'm not him Usako. I'm, I'm . . . I'm from the future.
I'm Endymion," he said, trying to free himself of her arms. But she held on
tightly to him
        "Then you are still my Mamo chan. You're just him from a different
time," she said, trying not to think too much about the impossibility of the
situation. All that mattered was that Mamo chan was with her, needed her,
was crying. She couldn't' worry about the confusing details. All that
mattered was him. This moment, this was all that she had to hold on to now.
This second was her only hope that Mamoru still loved her. And so she
clutched to the man, to Mamo chan/Endymion. She had no one left to turn to,
nothing else to allow her hope to grow, nothing left to believe in. If she
let him go, she would have nothing, would give up all hope that Mamoru loved
her. And yet, here was the last shining remnant of her dreams, of her hope,
of her faith and convictions. She could not let go just yet. She wasn't even
sure she was strong enough to let go at all. She hadn't been strong enough
to hold onto her hope that Mamoru would love her again, and had just let it
go, as she had sobbed against his door. And then, this man had come to her,
returning all that to her, renewing her strength. But still, she could not
let him go just yet.
        "O Serenity . . ." he murmured. She was not going to leave him. She
was still there, holding him, in his arms. He no longer had the will to
fight her, no longer had the will to leave her embrace. He couldn't' stand
it to leave her now. His throat became choked suddenly as he realized with
such acute clarity what was going on, where he was, who he was with, the
dream like aspects of his journey suddenly disappearing. He was with his
wife at last. Tears streamed from his eyes.
        "I, I, I love you so much. I have . . . have always loved you."
Endymion said, his head resting on her shoulder, tired, his arms never
letting go of her. He didn't think he could stand to not be near her, no
matter what his senses told him.  Just for that one moment, he needed her.
Just let him be with her for that one moment. To give him strength, to help
him go on. Just for that one moment in time, let him stay with her.
        "I love you too Mamo chan." she whispered softly.  She turned her
eyes up towards his, to stare into the murky depths of his. They were so
sad, filled with so much pain and grief. Usagi wasn't' sure she wanted to
know the cause of them. He was hurting so badly though. All she wanted to do
was take away the sadness in his soul. Even if he was from the future, she
could still feel the strong bond between them.
        "Don't' be sad Mamo chan. I love you for always." she said, brushing
a strand of his hair from his face. Just as Serenity had done on the terrace
on their last night together.
        "Please, don't' go away again Serenity. Please, don't' leave me
alone."
        "No, I wont' ever leave you. Not ever. Even if you stop loving me, I
wont' ever go away from you. I swear it. I'll always, ALWAYS be with you,
will find my way to you. ALWAYS. No matter what, we'll find each other, and
be together, for always." she said, knowing that she would never again lose
her faith in her love, and his.
        Endymion could feel her small hands wiping way the tears now, yet he
wasn't' ashamed at crying in front of her. She was his soul mate. He loved
her. Every place where her fingers had touched set off his senses. He
hadn't' felt her touch in so long. He had never forgotten it. But he had
missed it so, so much. He bent his neck down, softly touching her lips with
his own, as though her kiss would save him from the insanity that had
invaded his life, as though her lips could make it possible for him to go
on.
        Slowly, he pulled away from her.
        "Serenity." he said. Usagi shook her head slowly, the tears standing
in her eyes. This wasn't' her Mamo chan, though it was Mamo chan. But he
loved her, and needed her just the same. Although, she knew, what he needed
more was the truth, the reality, of the situation.
        "Gomen, but I'm just Usagi."
        "I know. I just, I just . . . missed her." Endymion finally said,
knowing that those words in no way described what he felt. How could he tell
her when he had no idea what he felt himself? It went far beyond missing
her. It went past that by far. How could he explain that he felt as though
he would never see her again, that he had begun to lose faith in her
promises to return to him, that the darkness had overcome him, stealing away
all hope? How could he tell her that he had lost all hope he would see her
again, had lost himself in the misery and hopelessness, and had come here,
hoping to find something, though he wasn't' sure what? How could he tell
explain that he had been without hope for so long he had been driven nearly
mad?
        "Gomen, but I'm not her," she said sadly. Endymion shook his head
emphatically.
        "But you are Usako. You are her. And I love you just as much as
Serenity because you are Serenity, in your heart. You are the woman I love.
For always." he said passionately. She looked up at his words, her eyes
shining in hope.
        "And I know that Mamoru loves you more than anything in the world.
More than anything. He cares so much about you that he would do anything to
keep you safe. All because he loves you Usako. Never doubt his love. Never
lose hope Usako. Never." Endymion said, taking her hand in his, as she
looked at him, bewildered.
        "Why are you here?' she asked. "Where, when did you come from? What
happened?"
        "You don't' want to know Usako." he said. Gently, he opened her
hand, placing her brooch in her palm.
        "My brooch! But where did you get it?" she exclaimed. He shook his
head.
        "It doesn't' matter Usako." he said. He bent over to kiss her cheek.
"I love you. Please, be patient with Mamoru. He loves you just as much as I
do."
        "Endymion-" she began, still confused. She still had so many
questions that she hadn't' even begun to ask.
        "I will always love you Usako! Never doubt that, never lose faith,
never lose hope." he said cutting her off. "I love you." He raised his hand,
the time key clutched in his fingers.
        "Time key, take me home."
        Usagi could only stare in shock as Endymion was enveloped in a ball
of purple light, then disappeared. She held her brooch against her chest,
staring at the spot where he had been standing.
        "O Endymion. Mamo chan."
        And even as the darkness returned to the corridor, there was a
lightness in her soul, where hope had once again found its place.

        'Of course. She's our wife."
        'Of course.'
        'She's . . .'
        'Our . . . '
        'Wife.'
        'Our wife.'
        'WIFE!!!'
        The phrase would not stop repeating itself, running back and forth
across his mind, haunting him. He and Usako . . . his wife, her husband,
husband and wife.
        Did Endymion realize what he had done! Kami sama! They were married
in the future!!! Married!!! A silly grin spread across his face, as he
beamed uncontrollably. That was their future! To live happily, together, a
family. A family of his own. What he had always wanted, all that he had ever
wanted. A glance at the cracked glass of the picture frame soured his mood
for a moment. But what was a vision compared to an actual first hand account
of his future. Perhaps, there could be a way around the prophecy, perhaps
his visions were wrong. The euphoria of learning his future with Usako
seemed to blot out all his dark fears. Endymion had given Mamoru back his
hope.

        Endymion fell to the bench, exhausted, drained both physically and
emotionally. He had been so close to her, and yet still so far. Yesterday,
he would have been weeping by now, his despair overwhelming. And yet, today,
he could not find the tears. Perhaps because, although he had not found the
Serenity as she was in this era, he had found that part of her in Usako.
Serenity as she had been, Serenity in her youth. Her words had comforted
him, just as they comforted him 1000 years later. And, he realized her words
had given him something more. He felt the dawning of hope within him.
        She, Usako, Serenity, the girl, the woman he loved, had assured him
that she would never leave him. He had seen the truth of her words in her
eyes, and he had drunk in her declarations with an undying thirst. She had
pledged her soul to him with such conviction. He knew that she would not go
back on her word. She had given him back his hope, given him back the
strength to continue to fight, to wait for Serenity to awaken. He had hope
that things would turn out right once again. He had forgotten to believe in
the strength of their love. He had just needed his eternal love to remind of
that, and return his hope, and his life, to him.
        "I'll wait, just like I promised Serenity. "I'm strong enough now to
stand this. I wasn't before, but I am now." Endymion said to her, speaking
out to the moon hanging low overhead. At that moment, Endymion realized the
importance of the dreams he had given a younger Mamoru. He had nearly lost
hope. He had to teach himself to continue hoping, to continue to have faith
in their love, despite the evils ahead. He had to teach himself to be strong
enough to fight the pain he would face while Serenity was trapped, stolen
from him.
        Endymion decided in that moment to begin giving his younger self
those nightmares. Serenity would return to him, and they would have the rest
of their lives to live together, in love. But first, he had to make sure
that HE was strong enough to survive this dark period. And the only way to
do that, to create the strength in himself, was by creating such adversity.
He silently apologized to Mamoru, to himself, but he knew it was the only
way to keep him sane. Even with the dreams, he had barely hung on, had it
not been for the strength he had gleaned from a younger Serenity, from his
Usako. She had been his hope.
        "I'll wait for the day you come back to me Sere." Endymion whispered
again, his voice cracking with emotion. "I love you too much to lose hope. I
love you. And I'll be waiting, till the end of time, if need be. I always be
waiting. For you."

        The end.

Short, ne? or at least for me - a one parter. They are kinda fun though,
aren't they? The story takes place mostly during crystal tokyo after the
dark moon family attacks and serenity was trapped in the crystal, but before
Endymion was injured. In the present time, during the Sailor Moon R arc, the
story takes place during the friendship bracelet episode, where Usagi and
Mamoru make up (Finally), the final scene where Endymion and usagi meet just
before Usagi leave mamrou's building and confronts the youma in the
bracelet. In a way, it was to describe why he had had such a change of heart
- I doubted that just Usagi's words about not caring about the future were
enough to convince Mamoru to ignore his dreams. She might not have cared
about her future, but he most CERTAINLY did. The one flashback dream that
mamoru had with chibi usa in it refers to the two part episode where Usagi
and chibi usa are taken to Rubius's space ship to save the senshi, confront
him and kill him. I got the idea because I had to try and rationalize why
they stuck in those annoying dreams in R, and because I always wondered if
the characters ever got jealous of their future selves, but then, as it
turned out, that element didn't even really get introduced, but hey, I like
it as it is. I am completely unable to concentrate on First love - GOMEN
NASAI!!! DON"T KILL ME!! I don't' know why, I just can't seem to write!!!!
NEways, by the time this gets posted, I'll have just moved into my dorm at
school!!!! HOW EXCITING!! (Like anyone cares, but I always get excited to
everyone and anyone who has ears, whether they are willing to listen or not)
I CANNOT WAIT TO LEAVE!! As I type this the plane ride countdown is about 42
hours!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!! Soo excited!!!!  I can't wait!!!!!!
Well, again I apologize for totally flaking on first love - I don't know
when it will be out -eventually is all I can say. But I had to write this to
tide me over somewhat. I do hope you all enjoyed and feedback is definitely
welcome!! SO PLEASE WRITE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OO!! And a few people I haven't talked to in a while please write me - Sue
and t Tiga especially!! I got aol back - Razzzberi3 (three is the magic
number you know?) if you have the time, IM me -really miss you guys. In
addition, Lilac summers is AMAZING!!! Read everything she will ever write
and ever has written. AMAZING!! Lady mirage's S addiction is really good.
The odango's cousin ROCKS!! Check it out - the author is pretty cool
too!!!!!! ^_~ Lianne and fushigi and laurel anne are all great too. So is
Katherine!! Love ya!!! Write me!!!  A bunch more stories are soo cool it
makes me  ill, but I don't have time to write it down, so I'm outtie. See ya
later, thanks for reading, and don't forget to write back to
razzzberi@hotmail.com, k? BYE!!!! (I'm off to the beach for the last time!!
WAH!!!!!)