Notes: This is a sequel to "Inside Reflections". You don't have to have read it to understand this but it would help. You can find it at my web page http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/1874. This is told in first person. This story has veered away from the Manga and has gone in a new direction. I have decided to make a series called "Discoveries". This story and "Inside Reflections" are the first installments in it. Please send your comments to conmoon@cruzio.com. Special Thanks goes to my mother. Without her editorial help my stories would not have come together. Thanks Mom! Disclaimers- Serenity, the Senshi and all other names, places and things associated with Sailor Moon is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha, Toei Animation and a lot of other people. The story belongs to me, Connie Somerville Kotkin, though. Now to the story. Discoveries - Afterthoughts "Nothing last forever. The future is not set in stone." After all the fights and struggle I finally have what I have longed for. Peace. Everyone is alive and well and we can finally live our lives the way we want. I should be happy and content. I'm not. Everyone has gone back to leading ordinary lives except for me. It is impossible for me to go back to being the person I was before. No longer am I Tsukino Usagi, I am now more than that, I am Serenity, Princess of the Silver Millennium and heir to the throne, the Eternal Senshi, and my future is already set for me. Soon I am to marry Endymion, cleanse the Earth, create Crystal Tokyo, rule Earth, and have a daughter. It is all laid out for me and all I have to do now is wait around for it all to happen. But what if I don't want to do it? Did anyone ask me what I wanted? No, my mother sent me here and from then on my path was set and there would be no turning back. I never had a say on what I want do do with my life. It is very frustrating, not being able to decide what I want to do with my life. When I spoke to Rei, Minako, Mako, and Ami about these longings they could not understand. They said it was my destiny and that there was nothing I could do to change it. I could tell that they wanted to help but they did not really understand. They have accepted their destiny as I have not. They have more freedom than I do because of that. Yes, they must protect me but I am the one who is set in a mold and who bears the burden of power. They can be and do whatever they want. They don't know what the future holds for them, only that they will protect me. I envy them that. Recently I have been spending more time with Setsuna, Hotaru, Michiru, and Haruka. I feel more comfortable with them than I do with the others. I have gotten very close to all of them especially, Hotaru and Setsuna. All three of us have duties we never asked for, our futures set. That has made us very close. They know what has happened to me and understand what I am going through while the others, Mamoru included, don't. With them, I can be myself and talk about problems. It is very hard to tell your royal guard and the man you are destined to marry that you don't want to follow the course set out for you. But Setsuna and the others understand. Also, things have not been going well with my relationship with Mamoru. It is not because of him, he treats me better than he ever has, but because of me. I don't know why, but I don't feel the way I used to towards him. I still love him, but something has changed. Nothing can ever be the same again, because I have changed inside. ----------------------------------------- The wind blows through my hair as I sit on the hill that looks down towards the sea. We have all decided to go for a little trip to the sea for a week. We just got here an hour ago and now I sit here enjoying the wind and the cool crisp ocean breezes. Down below Haruka, Rei, Mamoru, and Minako are having a water fight. Mako and Hotaru are laying out in the sun, Ami is reading and Michiru is painting the sea. Luna and Artemis are running around bugging everyone like they always do. They are all having a good time together. I needed to get away so I came up here to sit. I have been doing that often, going off by my self to think. I like being alone, by myself I can pretend that my life is my own to do with as I wish. My thoughts are interrupted when some one sits beside me, Setsuna. We are alike in many ways. We both like the solitude and we both have duties that dictate our lives. "Do you ever wish you could just be free and do what you want with your life without the shackles of duty and destiny?" I ask her. "Of course I do." she replies. "That was my greatest wish when I was at my post in both the future and past. Now, when I have been given part of what I wanted, being able to fight with you and being able to live a normal life I have realized that I could go back and do my duty." "What do you mean? How could you go back after having that freedom?" I question her. She looks out across the sea. "I could go back now because it is my duty. But also I know that if I want to I can let it all go and chose my own path. It is my duty and destiny yes, but only if I make it that," she says. There is a long silence as I think about what she has said. Her words have a big impact on me. After a while she speaks again. "Guarding time is my duty and always will be, but that does not mean that I can not make my own destiny and live free from it. It is my life to do with as I please. Just like yours belongs to you." I turn and look at her. "Do you love Endymion?" I ask. She looks back at me. We stare into each other's eyes and I know the secret she has kept inside. "I never have loved him." she responds. "I loved the idea of having someone like him in my life and I loved him as my King the same way I loved you. But wanting a relationship with him that was something I never wanted. I love some one else and always will," she looks away, tears in her eyes as there are in mine. I know who she is talking about and we both know that nothing will come of it. "I'm sorry Setsuna," I say as I hug her. We stay that way for a long moment until we are both composed. "What of you Serenity, do you love Endymion?" "A part of me does and always will. To that part he will always be the only one for me." I respond "But there is another part of me that is not content with him and my destiny. I long to make my own choices and plot my own course. But I know that can never be and so I am content with what is to come." I turn away and look at the sky. "I want to be free." Setsuna stands in front of me. "Princess," she says "the future is not set. Crystal Tokyo is one of many different possible futures and now, because of your fight with Khaos and your acceptance of yourself as Serenity and Usagi, it has all changed. Only you can decide what your future will be. You can do whatever you want with your life." I stand up, excitement shinning in my eyes. The future is not set. I remember my mother telling me that on the moon. I carry it inside of me. "The future is not clear to me now but I do know that no matter what you do it will all turn out well in the end. Crystal Tokyo or something like it can come at anytime whenever you want it to. So go out and live the life you want to, with out fear of what is to come. You will be making up your future as you go." I feel as if a burden has been lifted off me. I am no longer bound by what is to come. I can live my life as I chose. I am free. "I am not the only one who is free," I look down to the beach were the other's are. Hotaru glances up at me and smiles. "We are all free Setsuna." We stand watching the sun set. The pinks and lavender fill the sky. Hotaru joins us and together we watch as the moon rises in the sky. It shines down on me and I feel like my mother is there watching me. I remember what she told me before the Silver Millennium was destroyed. "Nothing last forever daughter. The future is not set in stone. You are the heir and one day will have the responsibilities of protecting what you hold dear. When you become Queen your life will not belong solely to you. But until that time dear, live your life to the fullest." "I will mother, I promise," I think. As night settles upon us I turn to Hotaru and Setsuna. "Come on. We have our lives to start living." They smile at me and we all laugh as we run down to join the others. Suddenly the future looks bright.