Readers, if I tell you *anything* about this fanfic, it would spoil things,
but let's just say...it's not quite what you would expect. If you've read
your share of Sailor Moon fanfics, including the lemon variety, then you
should enjoy this. And that's all I'm going to tell you.


Esmerodo

mailto:esmerodo@zdnetmail.com


[Who now returns to her jasmine-scented pink jacuzzi. Yes, it's another
steamy night with Prince Diamondo awaiting, and Esmerodo does not intend to
disappoint him. /(^_~)\ ]




A Chibi Chibi Lemon


OR:


Usagi's Usual Morning With Seiya (AND Chibi Chibi)




by Esmerodo

E-mail: esmerodo@zdnetmail.com




[WARNING: This is in EXTREMELY poor taste and should not be read except by
jaded fanfic authors and/or experienced fanfic readers >;-) ]

Usagi is sitting at the breakfast table with Seiya and Chibi Chibi. Seiya
is looking dreamy eyed at Usagi and not paying much attention to Chibi
Chibi trying to get HIS attention--yes, she's VERY precocious ;p

(But if you've ever seen my one-year-old daughter simpering at young
handsome men in restaurants, you'll know they are never too young to be
flirtatious ;-)

Usagi is EATING and EATING and concentrating solely on that most important
of her daily activities. How else will she keep up her Eternal Strength?

Chibi Chibi, annoyed that Seiya keeps gazing at Usagi, suddenly picks up a
lemon meringue pie that was being saved for lunch and mashes it well into
Seiya's face. As the cream drips down his startled face, she yells out
gleefully, "Chibi Chibi!"

Usagi stops with the rice halfway to her mouth and looks at Cream Lemon
Seiya. She looks down at Chibi Chibi and exclaims in admonition, "Chibi
Chibi!"

"Chibi Chibi," the small red haired vixen agrees, with a wicked smile.

Now the cream drips into Seiya's lap and melts, making a very suggestive
wet spot on his jeans. Usagi becomes bug-eyed and motionless, watching the
spot slowly spread while Seiya slowly goes crimson. Chibi Chibi, taking
advantage of their frozen attitudes, dips lightning-fast toddler fingers
into the remains of the pie and smears more of it into Seiya's lap--she
seems to be finger-painting his jeans, or something.

Seiya's crotch area now looks like a creamy yellow mess, and he is slowly
turning purple with embarrassment.

"Chibi Chibi!" Chibi Chibi crows in delight. She seems to think Seiya looks
better this way. Most toddlers think one's appearance is distinctly
improved by the amount of food smeared on one's clothes.

A gargantuan sweatdrop appears on Seiya's head, so large, in fact, that a
small waterfall drips onto Usagi's table.

Seiya mutters, "Gomen ne, Odango," and quickly rises from the table, and
scuttles away in the direction of Usagi's bathroom.

We cut away from the scene of Usagi cleaning up, and using off-colour
language we have never heard her use before in the anime series, and Chibi
Chibi trying to smear cream lemon on Usagi, and her ducking and weaving to
avoid the icky toddler fingers, and find ourselves peeking into Seiya's
shower.

Unlike the anime, we see EVERYTHING.

[The assembled readers get nosebleeds or sweatdrops, as appropriate to
their gender.]

Up until now, it's been a cold shower, which Seiya badly needs at this
point in the steamy fanfic. But now things literally get steamy, as a
shampoo-blinded Seiya reaches for the hot tap by mistake and the shower
goes hot--and the surprised and agape readers discover that this produces a
Ranma effect, and now the ones who had nosebleeds are sweatdropping, and
vice-versa.

[There, I had a nude scene for EVERYBODY to savour ;p]

Seiya had up to now been singing a very bawdy song about well-endowed
females and what he'd like to do to them, in tenor voice, but as the shower
gets hot, his voice squeaks up to soprano, feminine giggles ensue, and
"she" starts singing a Backstreet Boys tune instead.

[The assembled readers universally gag, the fanfic having descended to
having a Backstreet Boys song in it. Well, I warned you this was in
EXTREMELY bad taste, didn't I?]

Seiya quickly turns the hot tap off, turns the cold back on, "her" voice
lowers, and chokes off the Backstreet Boys imitation, much to the relief of
the Shower Voyeurs who had to listen to it, and begins singing the bawdy
song, more loudly this time.

Usagi taps on the bathroom door and calls in, "Seiya, WHAT did you say you
wanted to do to me, you HENNNNTTTAAAAIII!!"

"Oh, nothing, nothing, Gomen nasai, Odango!" he calls back through the
door, sweatdropping, and pulling a towel over his lower exposed and well
endowed region. Quickly drying himself, he comes out of the bathroom and
pulls on what he hopes is an innocent, never had any ecchi thoughts, no
ma'am, not ME look, and pads out into the living room draped in a towel.

At that moment, the doorbell rings, and Usagi runs to answer. It's the
Ecchi Inner Senshi, of course, hoping to catch Usagi and Seiya in the act.

"Where's Seiya?" Rei hisses, after all the girls bid cheery hellos to Usagi
and try to peer around the room, surreptitiously looking for Seiya.

Usagi blushes and points. "He's right here...Oh NOOOO, Chibi Chibi!!"

But it's too late. Chibi Chibi has waddled over to the towel-clad Seiya
with an intent look on her small face, which only means one thing--a
toddler about to do something she knows is BAAAAAD. While Seiya is clinging
to his towel and sweatdropping at the open-mouthed girls, Chibi Chibi gets
in close and with a triumphant cry of "Chibi Chibi!", grabs and peels off
Seiya's towel, and runs off with it.

The girls all SQUEAL as they see just how glad that Seiya really was to see
all of them.

Usagi, horrified, squeals, "No, Chibi-Chibi!" and runs off in hot pursuit
of Chibi Chibi, who is already being pursued by a completely nude Seiya.
Chibi Chibi thinks this is great fun and runs off squealing and giggling.
The girls chase after Chibi Chibi too and they form a confused running
conga line, all trying to catch the little red haired girl.

[I almost had Charlie Brown appear at this point and join the chase, but
that was in too much bad taste even for me, to have a Little Red Haired
Girl pun in this fanfic. Forgive me, minna-san, I thought better of that
and deleted Charlie Brown from the fic. Promise it won't happen again. The
ghost of Charles Schultz would have haunted me forever ;p]

Chibi Chibi manages to get the door open and runs off into the street,
trailing Seiya's towel like a triumphant banner behind her--after all,
she's not even 2 years old, and already, a handsome completely nude boy is
chasing her.

[SICK SICK SICK!! cry the assembled readers. We didn't know you could sink
THIS low!!]

Seiya runs after her into the street, causing female screams and numerous
traffic accidents, as downtown Tokyo traffic completely grinds to a halt,
watching the nude man chase the little girl with Usagi and the rest of the
Inner Senshi chasing after both of them.

Mamoru now appears around a street corner, whistling a cheerful tune, with
his books under his arm, and stops dead when he sees the tableau before
him. A myriad of expressions cross his face, as he first of all puts the
wrong interpretation on his Usako and the other girls chasing a nude Seiya.
Shock, horror, jealousy and anger all move across his face in succession.

But then a tiny red streak of lightning, beaming from ear to ear, comes
running towards him, waving her towel, and yells in greeting, "Chibi
Chibi!!"

She barrels into him, almost knocking him over in a fierce hug, like a tiny
Usagi.

Mamoru breaks into a relieved, and then mischievous grin, and then deftly
snatches the terrycloth trophy from Chibi Chibi, and offers it to a scarlet
faced Seiya. A second later, with a pleased and surprised cry of delight,
Usagi has wrapped herself round Mamoru's other side.
[All right, I know that Mamoru isn't supposed to be here now. All I can say
is that the Author decided to delay him getting his Star Seed stolen until
he'd graduated from Harvard. I may be tasteless, but damn it, I believe in
a good education ;ppppppppp]

"Lucky for you, Seiya, that I know both these girls so well. And even more
lucky for you that I'm not Yuuchirou!"

Rei now plants herself in Mamoru's face angrily and says, "And what was
THAT crack about Yuuchirou supposed to mean, hmmmm?"

"Who's Yuuchirou?" asks Seiya in confusion.

Then, a second later, as flash bulbs go off in his face, he cries, "Oh
shit--paparazzi! They caught the whole thing on camera and videotape!"
Seiya runs off in mortification, dropping the towel in his confusion and
dismay. Mamoru calmly picks it up again.

A pleased Minako proceeds to give a "woman on the street interview" to one
of the excited reporters, on how it felt to see an Idol Singer running nude
down the street.

Rei continues to interrogate Mamoru about him dissing her Yuuchirou. Makoto
decides that she will make lemon meringue pie from now on, whenever cute
boys are in the immediate vicinity--it's a ploy she never thought of. Ami
sneakily takes the towel from Mamoru, who is busy explaining to an excited
Usagi that he finished his exams at Harvard early, and flew home to
surprise her. Ami happily runs off with the towel to stash it in her
private Idol collection at home.

Rei starts telling the whole story to Mamoru, while Usagi protests and
cries, "Mamo-chan, you KNOW I would never cheat on you!"

A photo of Chibi Chibi, waving a towel and grinning devilishly, makes the
front page of the "Tokyo Enquirer".


THE END OF CHIBI CHIBI CREAM LEMON ;p




There ya go, a lemon with Chibi Chibi in it. A cream lemon at that.

Didn't think I had the nerve, did you?


I haven't, actually, but that Esmerodo, she'd do anything ;p


Sayonara!






Pandora-sama [a.k.a. Esmerodo]


So why am I calling myself Esmerodo? There's no intent to disguise my
identity here. I am merely using the nom-de-plume "Esmerodo" for any fanfic
I write with adult, sexual content in it. That way, my younger readers
won't be encountering these types of stories by Pandora unless they are
*looking* for them. That seems to me to be a good compromise.

Now that you've read it, I can tell you how "A Chibi Chibi Lemon" came into
existence.

I belong to a small mailing list of Sailor Moon fanfic authors and
reader/reviewers. We were having a discussion about writing lemons and who
you could pair up with whom in terms of characters. The guy who wrote
started this discussion, a fellow with a very warped sense of humour, who
goes by the nickname of Lord Chaos, had possibilities for just about
anyone, except, he said, NOBODY would be sick enough to put Chibi-Chibi
into the plot of a lemon.

I was in a mood to tweak him, so I wrote this tongue-in-cheek piece
entitled "A Chibi Chibi Lemon", just for the shock value, and the look on
their faces. I subtitled it "Usagi's Usual Morning with Seiya (and
Chibi-Chibi)", deliberately naming it after the most notoriously bad taste
lemon fanfic, that all the Sailor Moon fanfic readers love to loathe.

Hope this gave you as much of a giggle to read as I had writing it.




Pandora Diane MacMillan (formerly Waldron) a.k.a. Esmerodo

March 20, 2000

E-mail: esmerodo@zdnetmail.com