Sailor Moon and all associated senshi are the property of
Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha, Bandai, and a whole bunch of 
other people I either don't remember or don't know 
about.  Everything else, however, belongs to me, and is 
guarded by my vicious attack gerbils.  If you wish me 
to call them off, please ask nicely.

To contact the author, please write to me (Jelynne) 
at; jlynne33@hotmail.com


*4 A.M. - Love*


	I hate four in the morning.

	Four in the morning is when Grandfather usually 
has to get up.  And then his moving around wakes me up.  
I've never been able to sleep deeply.

	Then grandfather goes back to bed, and I lie 
awake, hating four am.  You want to know *why* I hate 
it?  Because it makes me *think* that's why.  It makes 
me remember, makes me analyze.

			***

	Take this particular morning, for example.  I 
can't stop thinking about what happened yesterday.  She 
almost died yesterday.  She damn near *died* yesterday, 
just because she couldn't let him go in there alone.

	Yes, of course I'm angry.  Why shouldn't I be?  
She just keeps throwing herself into danger without a 
second thought.  And if I lose her, I lose everything.

	She was my first real friend.  The first person 
who just wanted to know me.  No hero-worship, and no 
strings attached.  And she never drew away when she 
learned that I had ‘powers'.  Until she came along, I 
never realized how lonely I was.  I never want to be 
lonely again.

	Looking back, I think that was the reason I went 
after him.  I had just realized how empty my life was, 
and I wanted to fill it.  And god, was he handsome!  And 
there, and available, and all sorts of other things I 
can't define.  I knew he wasn't really interested, that 
he was just humoring me, but I didn't care.  I thought I 
was in love with him.

	I realized I was wrong, that day in the tower, 
though.  I knew it when I looked at the two of them 
together.  And all that love I thought I felt just 
crumbled up and blew away.  The others never understood 
how I could give up my ‘claim' on him so easily.  Oh, I 
did worry about him.  He's almost like a brother to me.  
But the two of them, that's magic.

	And so she followed him into that building, 
knowing it was dangerous, knowing that she was placing 
herself in danger.  For him.  And the thing that really 
scares me is that if it had been me, she would have done 
exactly the same thing.

	She's always doing that sort of thing.  Her 
heart's big enough for the whole world.  I can't bear 
the way she's always throwing herself into danger, just 
so she can save complete strangers.

	I would die for her.  I have died for her.  And 
I would do it again.

	And I don't ever want her to be in danger again.

			***

	If it were up to me, I'd just lock her in a 
tower - like Rapunzel - and never let her out.  I'd take 
on the whole world to make sure she'd never be threatened
again.

	But I can't do that.  She'd never let me.  She 
won't even let me get in danger for her.

	I demanded.  I insisted.  I argued.  I tried to 
get her to see how much better it would be if she would 
let me be the front person.  To let me be the target, 
instead of her.  But she never understood.  She always 
thought I was trying to grab control, trying to be 
better than her.

	It wasn't like that at all.  Eventually I stopped
trying.

			***

	I know she's never going to change.  I know that 
she's just going to keep throwing herself into danger, 
again and again.  She dances under Damocles' sword.  But 
when it falls, I'm going to do my very best to see that 
it hits me, and not her.

	It's four in the morning, and I've made up my 
mind.

			***

	No matter what happens, no matter what enemy we 
face, no matter what becomes of me, I'll keep her safe.

	This is my chosen duty; I take it willingly.

	No matter what.