` If That's What It Takes `

a a a

a a a

a a a

"Saffir?"

The voice was soft, uncertain. Still -- there was something about the husky, deep tone that belied someone not used to being uncertain about anything, someone not used to this ill-at-ease feeling.

But to the person at whom this quasi-question was directed, it was not the tone that mattered. It was the speaker itself.

Saffir's eyes opened slightly, his body still trembling, his hair matted to his forehead by the sweat that very nearly poured off from him. His breathing was ragged, hoarse, his fingers tightly clenched about the material of the bed linen as he clutched it to his chest.

His dusky blue eyes sort out and met the violet instantly; he easily found the deep, worried purple of his oniisan's eyes as Demando sat on the edge of his bed, giving him a sadly speculative look. "Oniisan --" he finally managed to croak out, his eyes almost filling with tears when he recalled what had put him in this state. It was his inbred control that left him emotionless and calm on the outside while on the inside, he was slowly dying.

Demando did not make any move to come nearer to him, and it made Saffir's heart ache. His elder brother had become so -- distant, lately. In the past, Demando would have no hesitation at all, he would have nothing to stop him from caring for his little brother the way only an older sibling can.

But now -- he had changed, his eyes no longer held that calm decorum; instead, all three of his eyes held a grim, cold sanity that would often erupt in violent slashes of temper, like -- like --

Saffir began to tremble slightly as he recalled the last demonstration of his brother's unpredictable temper. He had only been trying to tell Demando that he had lost sight of the true objectives of their war, and he had -- he had --

Demando's brow widened in confusion -- then narrowed in quick recognition -- as he noted the way Saffir seemed to be moving backwards into the headboard of his opulent bed, his dusky eyes strangely wide and -- fearful?

A stab of conscience penetrated his heart as he recalled his actions of earlier that day. He had turned on his brother for the first time -- in a physical sense, at least. Verbally, he had cut his brother down more times than he cared to remember, but he had never been physically violent towards his brother.

Well, at least until that morning.

Grimacing, Demando leaned forward on the bed, meeting his brother's eyes with his own. That was precisely the reason Saffir had been "resting" this afternoon, while Esmeraude attempted to actually achieve something noteworthy. Saffir had been slammed into a rather solid marble pillar by his brother that morning, and it had not done much for his surprisingly frail composition. There was also the small matter of the energy Demando had used to do it with -- oddly enough, Saffir had a rather nasty reaction to excessive exposure to the jakozuishou's energy. That was one of the reasons he would not wear the trademark earrings of the Black Moon Family, for they were in fact shards of the same stone. Saffir was quite capable of playing about with the controls of the crystal, but he could not wield its power very well at all. It was almost as if he were allergic to the damn thing.

"Saffir," he repeated again, his tone soft and benevolent, almost hypnotic. Truthfully, it was hypnosis that calmed his skittish brother down somewhat. Demando's hypnotic powers were so deeply ingrained in him, he could use them to some extent without invoking his third eye. His orator's voice served as an excellent implement of that power, but as Saffir began to relax, he felt a degree of guilt. He hated using his powers on his younger brother, it was almost like --

"Oniisan," Saffir replied softly, his knuckles whitening as Demando came closer, the lesser prince tensing again. It was most definitely because of that morning's incident; typically, even though Saffir hated to have his personal space invaded, he had no such wariness of his oniisan.

Without a word, Demando suddenly moved right up to his brother and slowly placed his strong arms about his brother, quietly enveloping him into his arms. Saffir stiffened, but only for a moment. Tentatively, Saffir put his own arms about his brother's waist and leaned his head into his chest, gratefully closing his eyes as Demando leant his cheek against the top of his head.

He couldn't say how long they sat like that for; it didn't seem like long enough to him, it never did. Demando was the first, always the first, to pull away, but he kept one arm about his younger brother's shoulders, not really moving away from him. Turning his gaze to meet Saffir's gloomy eyes, Demando smiled hesitantly, before saying two words that Saffir understood instantly, and was relieved.

"Gomen nasai --"

Saffir smiled sadly, moving his hand over to touch his brother's, before suddenly grabbing it and clutching it tightly. "I know, oniisan, I know --"

Demando looked unhappily at his younger brother, noting the way those blue eyes were shimmering with unshed tears, the way those same orbs were also glowing with a definite love, the way, the way --

At that moment, Demando had never felt so terrible. He had hurt his brother -- now in a physical sense as well as emotionally and mentally -- and yet he still kept coming back for more. It seemed as if it were true, that there was nothing that would stop the lesser prince from worshipping his brother as a lemming follows the leader off a cliff. He would go on loving him even if it meant his downfall -- and he would follow him forever even if it meant that they would fall, because at least -- they would be together.

"You're not happy here, are you?" he asked finally, taking his hand from Saffir's death grip to pass it slowly through the tangle of navy hair at his brow.

Saffir's eyebrows furrowed; he seemed confused. "Oniisan?"

Sighing, Demando curled his long legs up underneath him, then crossed them elegantly as he continued to stare at his brother. As he talked, he began to loosen the laces of his shoes, eventually throwing them to the floor.

Saffir had to smile at his brother's actions -- it was a long time since he had last seen his brother perch on his bed in that manner. Demando had become so cool and aloof, he had rarely even came to Saffir's chambers like he once had. Once upon a more peaceful time, his oniisan had often come to speak with his little brother, to rib him gently and talk to him about the wonderful world that would one day be theirs to enjoy.

"Saffir, you were having nightmares before I awoke you, were you not?"

Startled, the ao no oji cocked his head to one side. "How --"

Lovingly, Demando ruffled his brother's hair. Saffir half-heartedly tried to push the large hand away, but truthfully, he didn't mind the intrusion. "Because you talk in your sleep, silly."

"I do?" He looked honestly surprised, and this expression turned apprehensive very quickly. "What do I say?"

Brushing his own fringe from his eyes, Demando sighed shallowly. "You cry my name, Saffir-kun. You cry the name of a woman vanished from your life. You cry the name of one who will destroy us all -- at least, the one whom you believe will destroy us all."

"Wiseman," he said softly, his eyes wide and dark. Then, remarkably, his demeanour completely changed, and he blushed. "I -- I -- I talk about -- her?"

Sadly, he nodded. "Saffir, you still love her, don't you?"

He tensed, and Demando understood that for a moment, he considered lying to his oniisan. However, Saffir knew just as well as Demando did that he could not lie to him. "Demando-oniisan, I --"

"I understand, Saffir," he replied quietly, his violet eyes concerned. "You were with her for only a short time, but you came to love her as if she had always been a part of you -- didn't you?"

It came out almost as an accusation, which startled the prince quite badly. "Oniisan, I never put her above you, I --"

Demando held up a hand to stop him from talking, chuckling slightly. "Gomen, otootochan, I didn't mean to imply that!"

"You didn't?"

Laughing, Demando shook his head, his bangs flying about his pale face. "Of course not!"

Saffir smiled gently, almost painfully. "Oh, you're not jealous, are you oniisan?"

The shiro no oji leant forward to tug gently on a strand of his brother's hair, laughing as he did so. "Why would I be jealous, Saffir? I know you, you'd never leave me."

"I wouldn't, would I?"

The tone was dead, final. It was such an abrupt shift from his previous, light tone that Demando nearly fell backwards off the bed. As it was, it took him several seconds to steady himself. "Saffir, what do you mean by that?"

Saffir couldn't look at Demando; it only took the Prince several seconds to realise why. He was weeping, quietly and to himself. His tears were falling unbidden to rest amongst the softness of his sheets, as the young prince's fingers tightened about them. "Demando-sama, oniisan, I am your loyal servant, always and forever -- but are you my wise and noble leader in the same way?"

His jaw dropped open; he had never heard his brother take such a tone with him in his life. Saffir was always respectful and thoughtful, and he rarely questioned his superiors --

His fist clenched as he saw the agony in his little brother's eyes, the pain written there. "Saffir, I have always tried to do my best by you."

"I know, oniisan," he said quietly, still not looking at him. "But is your best really good enough anymore?"

He drew in a sharp breath, shocked beyond understanding at the accusatory tone in his otooto's voice. "Saffir, what are trying to tell me?"

Sighing, Saffir turned his disheartened blue eyes to his oniisan, and Demando shivered at the opaqueness of those eyes. They were completely unreadable. "What question did you ask me when you first came in here, Demando-oniisan?"

"I -- I asked you if you were unhappy here, Saffir-otootochan --"

"Precisely," he muttered, ducking his eyes from Demando's. "Oniisan --"

"You are unhappy!" he said suddenly, backing off the bed and climbing to his feet. He was trembling as he did so, but his voice was steady and calm, growing in volume as he spoke. "Dammit Saffir, why do you never tell me these things?!"

"Because you never listen to me anyway," he mumbled under his breath. "Never, you never listen, you never, ever listen --"

"What?" he asked incredulously, moving closer. It was a mistake, as that was when Saffir chose to turn and start yelling, a rare occurrence for the ao no oji.

"I said you never listen to me, oniisan! So what would be the point?! Answer me that!"

His lips whitened as he pulled them taut, his violet eyes darkening minutely. "Maybe I don't listen to you because you have nothing of worth to say," he remarked cruelly and casually, a malicious smile playing at his lips.

Saffir looked as if he had been slapped; the impression soon passed as the younger prince then shouted "It appears to be nothing of worth to you because you are too stupid to understand it!"

Demando's fist clenched as he hissed his next words between similarly clenched teeth. "What did you call me?"

"Demando no baka! I called you stupid, Demando! I call you Demando no baka! See! You won't even listen when I insult you!"

His eyes narrowed as Saffir's breathing became more laboured in his anger and his fear, as he fought to both hate and love his oniisan without losing his slender grip on his sanity in the process.

The next words of the shiro no oji were low, dangerous. "You forget your place, Saffir."

"You forget your responsibilities," Saffir remarked bitterly. "You forget your humanity! I hate you! I hate what you've become, and I hate what you try to make of me!"

Demando raised his fist; Saffir's eyes rose with it, never looking away. However, his defiance left him as the colour drained from his face. Swirls of dark energy had surrounded Demando's hand as he raised it against the only person who loved him in this world whom he loved in return, the only brother he had --

Saffir made no move to defend himself. Or perhaps he did the best thing. He simply stared him in the eye.

Demando halted for a moment, merely looking into his younger brother's eyes, his eyes burning with poison. Then he turned away in disgust. "You have no right to say such things to me."

Saffir remained silent; for a moment, Demando honestly believed that the prince was not going to say another word to him.

However, a low voice broke his roiling thoughts, a low, shattered voice that said "Oniisan, I could never hate you --"

Demando's fist came apart as his facial features softened from its frozen mask of anger. "Saffir, there must have been a reason for your outburst --"

"I'm -- I'm not well, oniisan --"

"Yes, and whose fault is that?" he asked resentfully, not turning to look at his younger brother. "You are more or less allergic to the energies of the jakozuishou -- certainly, what is a small dose to me is a large one to you -- and I knew that! I knew that and yet I still struck out at you with the jakozuishou's power!"

"It was my fault-"

"Dammit, Saffir, it was not your fault!" Demando shouted, and Saffir more or less cowered beneath the volume and anger of his brother's tone. When the Prince turned to see this, he stopped, remorse in those dusky blue eyes. "Gomen, Saffir, I just -- I can't -- it's hard --"

"-- to control your temper, I know," Saffir said softly, eyes weary and unhappy. "Oniisan, don't you think I know how you feel? I am just as frustrated, just as frightened as you are. Both of our futures are clouded, uncertain -- and we have no-where to turn, no-one to run to -- except each other." His voice resonated with the full power of his love for Demando, a love that both calmed and frightened the Prince. "Let's not fight anymore --"

"Saffir, you have every right to hate me -- look at how I treat you."

"It's not you, oniisan."

The words were soft, dismaying. No matter how badly the elder treated the younger, somehow he always laid the blame on himself.

This world -- it's this awful planet that's doing this to him! From the day he was born, you knew that he didn't belong here, that there was something terribly incorrect about the existence of Saffir on Nemesis -- he was a Terran child on Nemesian soil -- an earthen flower that could never flourish in the acidic, barren dirt of the Nemesian terra firma -- he was never meant to belong to Nemesis.

If only you could admit that to yourself -- that it was you, and always will be you who keeps him here -- so who is the stupid one after all?

Demando lowered his head as he sat on the edge of the bed, looking at his trembling hands as he spread the fingers before him. "Saffir, do you think I'm selfish?"

"Selfish, oniisan?" asked the lesser prince, seemingly surprised. "What are you talking about? You're-"

"Don't you dare tell me I am never selfish," Demando remarked quietly, raising a hand. "It was a rhetorical question, to which I already knew the answer. It is a very emphatic yes."

"Oniisan-"

Demando interrupted his brother's interruption, looking suddenly very vulnerable. It was curious, but up until now, Saffir had honestly never seen the physical toll that this war had taken on his brother. Emotionally and mentally, to his younger brother at least, it had been impossible to miss. His temper was on a hair trigger, he ignored his formerly greatly treasured little brother, he had little or no respect for the powers or counsels of others. He saw what he wanted, and by God, he did everything within his not inconsiderable ability to get it, too.

But now, looking at the shiro no oji up close -- his eyes, once so bright and goal-orientated, they were dark and cold, yet wide and lonely. His long hair, was so bright and shining, had dulled somewhat, and he had lost a considerable amount of weight in the past few weeks especially. Still, he retained his inhuman beauty, his powerful, no-nonsense aura -- though still, there was something about him that was surreal. It was no mistake that Demando was referred to as being "the day-dreaming prince," as well as his numerous other titles.

"Saffir, I never wanted to hurt you."

The words were quiet, pained. Saffir looked at his brother and closed his eyes for a moment in genuine agony. His shiro no oji, his most trusted confidant and friend, was hurting, and it killed him inside to see it. That was precisely why Saffir suddenly threw himself at his elder brother, nearly sobbing as he buried his head in his shoulder, pressing his face against the patterned material of his white jacket. "I can't stand to see you like this! Oniisan, never stop believing in yourself! I believe in you, oniisan, I always have! Oniisan, oniisan -- oniisan, aishiteru -- oniisan --"

Demando stiffened at the words -- I love you -- and then embraced his otooto back. It was something slightly odd for him to say -- aishiteru was very much a powerful word. However, there was no doubt his mind that Saffir knew and understood that -- and that he meant it.

And that was the saddest part about being Demando.
Slowly stroking the hair of his younger brother, Demando began to speak. He began to speak in a low, dreamlike voice, his eyes glanced and startlingly blank. "Saffir, I am the most selfish person on the face of this moon, possibly in this solar system --

"I use people, Saffir. That is what I do. I pretend that I am doing this for our forefathers, that this grand and noble war is designed to avenge the fact that we were banished to this bleak moon because we were not good enough for the people of the Neo-Silver Millennium --

"Saffir, that is not why I go on. I fall asleep at night, and I don't dream of vengeance for our sleeping relations, our ancestors who died for this cause, oh no. No, Saffir, I fall asleep to dream of the sleeping empress, for that is the only place in which she will accept me --

"She changes me, Saffir. Logic leaves my thoughts when I see her face, her eyes, her power -- she pulls me to her, she makes me forget what it is important --

"I don't care about revenge when I see her. I don't care about the war when I see her. I don't care about my people when I see her --

"Do you know what the worst thing is, Saffir? I don't even care about your safety when she is near --"

It was at this point that Saffir made his first intervention, the words breaking through his stunned silence. "Oniisan, what-"

"Saffir," Demando continued on, still methodically stroking his brother's hair. However, now he was beginning to do it somewhat roughly. He was almost pulling his brother's blue hair as he stroked it. "Saffir, if that sleeping empress were to awaken and say to me that she would be my bride on the condition that you die, do you know what I would say to her?"

"Oniisan, you're hurting me," Saffir complained, only half understanding what Demando was saying. However, he stilled a moment later, disbelief evident on his features at his brother's next word.

"Hai --"

Saffir began to tremble slightly, pulling away from his brother as he looked up at him in disbelief. "Oniisan!"

Demando was still staring blankly off into space; a moment later he blinked, and turned to his younger sibling. Saffir was shocked to see that tears were shining in his eyes. "Tell me now that I am not selfish, Saffir! Tell me now that I am noble, that I am good! Tell me again that you love me, even though I would sacrifice you just to have the woman you despise by my side!"

Saffir backed away from his brother, his eyes wide and shocked. "You're not lying, are you." It was a statement, not a question. "Demando-oniisan -- you would sacrifice me for the goddess of Crystal Tokyo, you honestly would!"

His brother was verging on hysteria; Demando was quiet, contemplative. Saffir wanted to scream, he wanted to yell, he wanted to kick down the walls and fling things about the room.

But he couldn't. Too many years had passed in which the younger Nemesian prince had repressed his feelings, hidden his emotions and shielded his thoughts. Therefore, he did the only thing he knew how to do.

He fell to his knees before his brother and bowed his head. "But I am still yours, Prince Demando-sama --" he whispered in complete submission, almost sounding as if he were on the verge of tears.

Demando shook his head; it hurt him more than being rejected by Serenity to see his little brother in such a state of co-dependency. Saffir was obviously dying inside, and that hardly surprised him, after what he had just said. Yet, the test was complete.

Demando now knew for certain that to his brother, he was everything. His other half, his light, his guidance, his very life -- and even though Demando had just told him that he didn't -- and never had -- needed him in the same way, Saffir couldn't tear himself away from Demando.

He couldn't live apart from him.

Demando was shaking as he put his head on his otooto's head, before he suddenly fell to one knee, bringing himself eye level with his flesh and blood. Saffir did not look up; and when Demando looked down at the floor, he saw the wetness of the marble. "Saffir, don't cry."

"Oniisan," he wept quietly, still not raising his head to meet the beautiful violet orbs of his brother's eyes. "Why can't you love me the way I love you?"

"Because I am selfish, Saffir," he replied gently. "I warned you that I was -- and I am sorry for it. It is not something I revel in, you must understand. I have never wanted to be this way -- and that is why I will protect you."

Those words struck the young prince hard; they caused his head to snap up in surprise. His wide, trusting, dusky, twilight coloured eyes were filled with tears, yet they were strong somehow.

Demando allowed himself to reach forward to brush his brother's bangs away from the inverted Black Moon that branded him a member of the Black Moon Family. It was a gentle, loving gesture, one that sent a jolt through both of the princes. "Saffir," he murmured quietly, and was temporarily stumped for a moment by his burgeoning guilt.

The trust, the love, the adoration in his brother's eyes was what decided it for him. It was then that he realised keeping Saffir near him would only destroy the Nemesis no ao no oji.

With a sigh, Demando began. He placed his hand on Saffir's shoulder, temporarily diverting his attention to his hands. By the time Saffir had the sense to look back to his brother, he had already warped his sigil and opened his third eye.

Saffir was temporarily resistant, but Demando had already thrust a good deal of energy into the spell, and once Saffir's eyes met with his, there was no turning back.

Demando didn't say anything; he didn't have to. He knew that Saffir could already hear the thoughts roiling about his head, and he needed no external suggestions.

Instead, Saffir merely collapsed.

Demando gently pulled the dead weight of his unconscious brother into his strong arms, placing his form on the bed. He knelt beside the young man for a moment, their faces barely inches apart. His tensed features softened slightly when he saw the mixture of confusion and peace on his brother's face. It was startlingly horrifying to see him like that, it was almost as if he were dead, and that was a thought that terrified Demando beyond comprehension.

Demando leant down, pressed his lips delicately over the brand of their house of his brother's forehead, before gently tracing the inverted crescent with his long, pale finger.

Saffir stirred beneath his brother's touch, but did not awaken. He whispered only one word before falling even deeper under Demando's spell. "Oniisan --"

"Otootochan," he murmured quietly in reply, before sighing. This was turning out to be a lot harder than he'd originally thought. "Gomen nasai, brother -- but there is no other way! You would never leave me if I told you to -- I tried to drive you away, yet you wouldn't become angry with me -- so, there is only one thing to do to save your life --

"Saffir, I set you free from the burden of your love for me -- and the burden of being the only one I love --"

And seconds after Saffir had vanished into the depths of Demando's spell, he heard a voice -- a small voice, a husky voice, a desperate plea --

"Demando-sama --"

"Esmeraude --" he whispered in reply, and then he bowed his head. The ruin of his Family was complete.